After my husband put that ring on my finger--everything changed. It was like I became his property! He works hard and is a great provider, but I can't stand being around him anymore. He blows up about every little thing--I never know what might set him off.
We have 2 daughters, ages 15 & 13, and they don't want to be around him either. I have always been told that I'm sweet, fun to be around, pretty--but I feel like I've lost the real me. Here are just a few instances: he has choked me, knocked me down when I was VERY pregnant w/my oldest daughter. Thrown a glass at my face--which I blocked with my hand and had to have stitches. Picked me up by my neck and slammed me against the wall. The last time he threw me down on our kitchen floor & hurt my back-my Dr. offered to testify if necessary. I am on several med.'s for anxiety & depression--I know it's because of my marriage.
I have been a stay-at-home Mom for 15 years--that's another story. I want out--but I feel trapped.
2006-09-13 17:21:49 · 41 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to get out of there... not only for yourself but for your daughters... but line up your ducks first.
Talk to an attorney, to undertsand your rights in a divorce situation... and talk to the police, what he does physically is illegal, not to mention how morally wrong it is. If you can not afford one, contact your state legal aid society, they can guide you to an attorney who can take your case pro bono... The fact that you are a stay-at-home mom has some special circumstances legally too.
If you are on meds for anxiety and depression, it sounds like you have a counselor as well, perhaps he/she can give you some guidance on finding the right attorney, too.
You seem like an awesome woman... I know you will eventually do what is right for you and your daughters. my thoughts are with you.
2006-09-13 17:37:33 · answer #1 · answered by boj12345 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
How you lived with this for 19 years I will never know. You need to get out of this relationship, before it results in your death. You also need to do it for your daughters you wouldn’t want them ever to be in a similar relationship would you? I know it’s hard you don’t feel like you can walk away, but you real must. Just leave go to relatives or a friend, preferable in a different state or city. Or go to a hotel use an assumed name if you go to a hotel. Contact your lawyer and press charges against your husband maybe even take up a restraining order. Posting this took guts you have taken the first step, now you just need to take the next.
This number is for the National Domestic Violence hot line - 1-800-799-7233
2006-09-13 17:46:52 · answer #2 · answered by Spread Peace and Love 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You are not trapped. It's only a feeling, not a fact.
But you really need to speak with someone local to get help safely extricating yourself and your children from this situation, because you may need more than just verbal help. The advice you get online isn't going to be enough. As soon as your husband has left for work, call the emergency room of your local hospital and ask them for the number of the local battered women's shelter. Call them and they will advise you properly. Don't try to think about it. He has taken away your ability to think. Let the reaction of others on here speak loudly to you about what is the right thing to do. And do it today. Make Sept. 14, 2006, a very special day in your life and the lives of your children -- the day you took the first real step to turning your whole life around for the better. Good luck.
A quote for you:
"Every passing moment is a chance to turn it all around." -- Susannah Grant
2006-09-13 17:43:29 · answer #3 · answered by Rvn 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You actually have a few options: staying in the current situation is not one of them. He is not a good provider, your daughters now have a very high chance of marrying someone like him as well.
You know that you need to do something but do not know what. So here are some options.
1. Go to a shelter, they will help you get a lawyer and assistance, that assistance will help you find a place to live and get some form of financial assistance , training for some for of work , as well as starting the process for child support.
2. Go to a trusted relative and find a really good lawyer who will fight for you and help you line up your ducks - there are good lawyers out there for people in your situation.
3.Go to a lawyer and allow them to direct you.
4. Get out! Stay out! Help your daughters live a secure fulfilled happy life.
5. Good Luck
2006-09-13 17:38:55 · answer #4 · answered by newrabbit 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
My advice: go and stay with someone else. Take your children with you as well, they are in the same position as you but don't have the power to move out. It obviously isn't a very good provider, if he can't provide you and your daugters basic safety, like another answerer said. So, go and stay with your parents, other family or friends, anything is better than you three staying with him, because you never know what he might do next.
You probably don't want to approach him about the way he's acting because he might get very angry but if you think he'll be fine then talking might sort it all out.
He's probably stressed about something, work, bills, anything, but he doesn't have any right to take it out on you or he children. Just because you are married doesn't mean he owns you, or has the right to push you around, so don't let him! He has tried or succeced in hurting you many times and its time to end that. I know its easier for me to say it than for you to do it, but you have to be strong for youself and your children. He could get worse or better over time, but you can't take that chance. If he's gone so far once, there is nothing stopping him from going a little bit farther, and you can't take that chance. You have a right to be feel safe in your own house, in fact, you have a right to BE safe in your own house!
Good luck! God bless you!
2006-09-13 17:33:32 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Trust me, it only gets worse. Why do you stay anyway. Apparently he doesn't love you if he is abusing you, right? Girl there are to many women getting abused just like you and you see them on the news all the time because someone found their body and their husbands are being held at the state jail for questioning. Is that really something you would want your children to go through? They have been through enough. Please, do it for your children if you can't find any other reason. Your daughters will thank you in the long run.
2006-09-13 17:41:18 · answer #6 · answered by Just_Curious 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You need help to get you out of this situation. Abusive hotline will talk and help you.. Or you could save money to get away from him, the next time might be one of your children. Your daughters will marry the same kind of man if you do not get them out of this situation. Think of your children and the emotional abuse they are suffering. You are not alone in this pain. He needs help and will not get it until you take steps to leave him, now. You are in danger! He will not stop. Go to your human services and ask them to help find a place and they will help with everything. You would be on top of their list for a place. You are not trapped if you do not want to be. Find a church who would help you, find a friend, but by the way you sound you have very few friends. You do not want him to kill you then where will your children be without a mother and father.. Please, Please, get away today! He is not worth it!
2006-09-13 17:33:41 · answer #7 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
trapped?! what do you mean trapped?!....you need to leave before you lose your life or your husband kills your kids just to get back at you!!!...in this day and age where there are so many women and children shelters (nice ones!)...safe houses...and domestic abuse agencies..there is no excuse that right now when he leaves for work..you call the kids in sick to school...pack a few essentials and get the hell out of there....you need a safe house....do you want your kids to hate you or think that this is normal and then marry the same type of loser?! and a good supporter HUH...!! who cares.....I wonder is Charles Manson or Hilter were good supporters?! plus you have your MD on your side....so call info and find a womens advocate group or domestic hotline...call the police even for a ride to safety or even get the State department for children services involved...do something! and don't look back!...ever!
2006-09-13 17:28:18 · answer #8 · answered by TWISTER 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
RUN!!!!! I have been in a few relationships just like that and u need to get out. U r destroying ur health, mental and physical, not to add ur daughters. By staying ur r teaching them to accept such behavior. It is hard but u have to make a descision and fast. One of these days it's going to be to late. Think of all the things that he has done to u and imagine ur daughters being treated that way. It'd kill u. Also he has been doing it for so long that he has lost respect 4 u and himself. He won't change, and u will continue to get further and further lost and depressed. U just have to ask ur self, would it be harder to leave and be free from violence, or harder to continue to deal with it. I wish u the best but please before u or ur kids get hurt. Get out!!!!!
2006-09-13 17:28:28 · answer #9 · answered by jinfiniti9 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
What is it that has been preventing you from leaving for all these years? These things keep happening, but you chose to stay with the guy, AND to have more kids with him? Is there absolutely no place for you to go? No way you can get a job? No one to help you - friends, family? You HAVE to leave, even if it means initial hardships for you; you have wasted all this time with him, please don't make it worse by wasting any more of your life! Any one of these things that he has done can get him arrested. Call a lawyer and see what you can do, you have to protect yourself and your children. I'm sure your family and friends would be more than happy to step in and help, I can't imagine anyone not wanting to help in this situation.
2006-09-13 17:28:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋