I have an elderly uncle who is gay, but is only out with his closest family and friends. I wish he'd be available for discussion, especially since I'm coming to terms with my bisexuality. It would be nice to have him to talk to. When I questioned my mother about this, she told me a horrible story about him. When he was younger, like in his 20s, he felt that it was his duty to be proud of his orientation. It's been around since the dawn of time after all. He and his lover were out and they were harrassed constantly. One evening, my uncle came home to find his lover murdered in his bedroom, shot in the head execution style. It was very truamatizing to him. It was his first love and he knew that it would've been him too if he was home. After that, I can never bring myself to talk to my uncle about anything LGBT for fear of upsetting or scaring him. My question is what type of struggles did you go through that you don't see happening now? Do you have stories?
2006-09-13 16:55:52 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
My uncle is in his 70s. He's very sick. He has nearly every "non-deadly" disease in the book. Diabetes, arthritis, heart problems, depression....ect ect.
2006-09-13 17:37:16 · update #1
Oh, rose, your story made me cry. I'm so sorry.
2006-09-13 17:37:38 · update #2
Actually, I'm really not supposed to know all this about him. I hate it that I didn't get to know him as an adult until just a couple of years ago when he's so sick. He's moving in with my family and me soon, but he's across the country right now. I want to get closer to him before I lose him. Anyone who meets him just falls in love with his personality and humor.
2006-09-13 17:58:19 · update #3
Oh how I feel for you.
i met m beloved future partner at the office. I was looking for a friend who might share my love of classical music and gardening. I was introduced to Gwenneth B. After about 3 years and much discussion, we purchased a home. My remaining family, mother and brother were OK but Gwen's became horrid. They were of some religious sect.
Many years later, the long serving staff at the office were told to take their long leave or lose it. I asked Gwen if we could go away together. She told me to take mine as she was "feeling tired". We planned the trip. I was asked to take lots of lovely photos. The trip was wonderful but I returned to find that she had died of a virulent cancer. Her family had claimed her remains, burying them in their "church's" private plot. I visited as soon as I was able but one of the family warned me to stay away. "Lesbian? NO LESSTHANNOTHING". I pushed past her to see the headstone. It read "UNKNOWN TO GOD".
We had both trained in self defence and I nearly struck the woman a killing blow. Something stoppped me but months later I had a complete breakdown.
Reach out to your uncle if possible. He is a terribly lonely man.
Love, Rose P.
PS as I re read your question, I realise even more what a wonderful. caring person you are.
We need more like you.
Catriona Isobel Rose P.
2006-09-13 17:33:15 · answer #1 · answered by rose p 7 · 9⤊ 0⤋
Somebody else has already given this advice but I think you should talk to your uncle and tell him that you are bisexual. Tell him about your fears and uncertainties. Being 75 does not mean that he is incapable of responding to your concerns. I am 60 and I can very well imagine this sort of thing going on. Only I do wonder if it might not have been embellished a little. Your Mom may have had an intuition that you were not straight and was perhaps trying to scare you sufficiently so that you would not go down that path.
2006-09-14 15:58:25 · answer #2 · answered by Augusta B 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
The first guy I came out to was a 56 year old gay man who I really do love he is such a good person. He told me about his partner the only man he loved. His partner was a doctor for a large hospital in Illinois and he was kidnapped while getting into his car at the hospital and was found dismembered in the river. When they caught the guys who did it they said they had cut him in to small pieces because he was gay.
My friend has been alone for 20 years because of this. He was so devastated. I have been working on him and he is almost ready to start going out again. He is such a great guy I hate to see him all alone he even accepts me being g0y unlike many in this community. I guess you have to have been through something like he has because of intolerance to know what true tolerance is.
2006-09-14 13:52:37 · answer #3 · answered by ♂ Randy W. ♂ 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you go to him ... tell him YOUR story, what you are doing, what you want to do, etc....He may want someone to talk to. WE all have horrible stories to relate, and it serves little purpose to drag them up. Give him a chance to talk about his life, his love(s), etc. Older people often are left alone too much...they (we) have much to say, have been through it all and more, and have no problem sharing. It is our feelings that no one wants to hear about anything we may have to offer. You may be very surprised by what he will tell you...he is a walkiing history book of Gay rights..he, like me, was there in the 60's and 70's when Gays made huge strides in society. It was the age of sex, drugs, rock and roll...and we had one heck of a good time...then the AIDS cloud closed much of this down. My friends and acquaintences (numbering in the 1000's) are all dead now. AIDS took all my dearest friends and those I knew. I was kidnapped and shot twice in the head in 1982 (execution style) over a car theft! I have been in the center of hurricanes in a small boat. I have many stories that are down right fun to share...and I bet your uncle is the same...so share them! There could well be a best seller lurking in his mind...find out today. Good luck
2006-09-14 13:39:26 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Even at this stage, be very careful. Go slow. And make the conversation a special one between you and him.
There are many homosexuals and bisexuals who have never come out and probably never will, even to their closest family members. To do so would be very traumatic for them.
Don't just think of him as a gay person; think of him as your uncle who is now quite ill.
Good luck, dear. Your uncle is very lucky to have such good family members who will take him in at this time.
2006-09-14 07:02:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
I'm 57.
I never went through anything like your uncle did. But let me tell you, there was no such thing and being "out" in high school. I grew up in a small city, my graduating class was 242 students. I had one close friend, a jock, who used to tease me about gay sex. I was scared to death, because I couldn't figure out how he knew I was gay, (and I denied it of course) as much as this straight athletic and popular guy kept offering me sex.
Sadly, around age 40, he committed suicide over his gay sexuality. It wasn't until I heard he was dead that it even made sense to me.
But anyway, you simply didn't admit to anything like homosexuality in those days, nobody did. If you did some playful sexual stuff with another guy, it was in the guise of you were both straight, and just really horny.
Even going away to university, it was very different. There, there were a few guys who were openly gay, but they were really a huge minority and they were shunned. I had no sex at all in my college days, except for solitary masturbation, as much as I met some guys I'd have loved to love!
But fortunately for me, nothing horrible like happened to your uncle.
2006-09-14 00:14:02 · answer #6 · answered by michael941260 5 · 9⤊ 0⤋
I have an uncle who is gay. I myself am bisexual. My uncle simply refuses to discuss anything concerning the LGBT community with anyone, as he is in the closet and has been for years.
However, I went to him and had a one-on-one talk about MY sexuality with him. He opened up to me tremendously, told me about his experiences in the past and is EXTREMELY proud of me for being so open, when he never could.
He had several bad experiences, including several men busting the windows out of his house, dragging him into the front yard and beating him until he passed out. These were all "good christian men" including the son of a local pastor. He also had a truck driver rape him/beat him/ and leave him hundreds of miles from anyone.
He is wonderfully amazed at the progress our society has made in the recent years with accepting each person for who they are, and thinks it is only going to get better.
2006-09-14 00:38:06 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 10⤊ 0⤋
people in the olden days even now lived by the biblie
becouse chuch go-ers where alway told guys are siners many people took it out on them as they where scared of god
when people are scared and lash out, that is more scarry as they don't care who they hurt / kill
sounds like this might hav happened to you uncle's lover
your uncle would have been told that the community did not like him for being gay in any way
and that he would stop every bit of it. just look on this site they all want to tell us as lgbt that we a sinning
after the durmatic time he would have had after his lover died
he sounds like he feels it would happen to him
If you ever get time to sit down with you uncle alone,
tell him your story
and what you problems are
but if he dose not want to talk about him self don't make him,
it sounds like he has gone though enough
but if he dose talk about it, listen as you may not get enother try
good luck
2006-09-14 00:19:47 · answer #8 · answered by Zara3 5 · 6⤊ 0⤋
If you are going to speak to your uncle, this is the time. You might however start slowly and ask him about being a young man, and then perhaps talk about your own experiences. What have you to lose if you try, and if you don't, you have everything to lose.
Best of luck to you.
2006-09-14 00:51:37 · answer #9 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 6⤊ 0⤋
I think your uncle would welcome your opening up to him. It is a horrible thing that happened to him, but it sounds like it was quite some time ago. I'm sure he will have had enough time to come to terms with his loss. Go see him, take him out for coffee and start talking. I'm certain it will be a positive experience for both of you.
2006-09-14 00:54:35 · answer #10 · answered by puhpaul 3 · 7⤊ 0⤋