my father flipped when he found out i was gay. he has always been abusive and all of that stuff. he has just been diagnosed with a potentially terminal cancer. should i forgive him for all of the torture or just be stubborn and not care. he is my father and i do have a few good memories about my childhood.
2006-09-13 16:38:43 · 16 answers · asked by johnny_on_the_spot 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
There is a distinction you may want to make. You can forgive your father, however, that does not mean you resign yourself to being abused or neglected. You are not required to forgive him just because he shares some genetic material with you. Forgiveness generally benefits the person who forgives. By holding that anger, pain, guilt, loss, frustration (etc) inside of you - - the only person that hurts is you. You may choose to support your father through the cancer - - - just make sure you have some boundaries and dont let his disease consume you. Guilt is not a reason to forgive him. Freedom to move on and live your life is.
2006-09-13 16:43:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you have a lot of respect for him as well... Forgiveness is a lighter load to carry than the heavy burdon of unforgiving. I've learned the hard way that I should not hold back my feelings - even if they may compromise how others feel. It's good that you got that off your shoulders and let him know that ou are who you are - He will have to deal with not being able to handle that for his own reasons, at least you didn't lie. I'm sure you felt better - even though - when you told him that you are gay. Now that he is ill, you just need to be the same person you've always been - his child. Don't hold a grudge. It will only eat away at you if something happens to your father. Keep your heart in the right place and let the bad memories stay in the past - the good memories - few they may be - are still good, and they are always stronger than the bad - otherwise you wouldn't hold on to them either. Love your dad, cause even though he may not let you know it - I'm sure he loves you back.
2006-09-13 17:21:14 · answer #2 · answered by Myzz Undastood 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You do not have to forget to forgive. I would suggest you try to forgive and be there for him as much as you can. He is probably scared to death and regretting all he did to you; but even if he is not youcan be the better person. And a lot of fathers flip when they find out their child is gay. They think it is because they did something wrong. See how pitiful he is forgive him.
2006-09-13 17:02:13 · answer #3 · answered by jusme 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Forgive him there may be no other chance for you to do so
be true to your self though
if he will let you be there for him be there
fore give him and he may forgive you even though it may not seem like you have done any thing wrong he may feel you have betrayed him and the family don;t dewl on that
.
It is not easy lossing any one to cancer and it will be hard to watch him fade
hold on to those memories form your child hold tell him and share some new memories,
let him know you will be there for your mum and any other family members when he is gone
2006-09-13 17:31:53 · answer #4 · answered by Zara3 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be the bigger man and forgive him. Not just because he has cancer. Not just because he is your father. But because he is a fellow human being. When you hold a grudge you both hurt, but when you forgive, the burden is lifted from your shoulders. It's up to him to accept the forgiveness or not. Remember the old saying, "To err is human but forgiveness is divine."
2006-09-13 17:35:32 · answer #5 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oddly enough your father might feel like he has failed you or done something wrong that caused you to be gay... he may be embarrassed because he'll be known as the guy with the gay son...he is your Dad...blood and bone...be the bigger person and forgive him. Communicate to him that it's not about him...it's the way you are and if he ever loved you to begin with- you're still the same person and your sexual orientation should not change that. He couldn't beat it out of you so he might as well accept it.
2006-09-13 17:18:12 · answer #6 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I myself am being stubborn about forgiving my father and I'm more tortured than he is because he is completely oblivious to it. The best revenge you can have on him is to forgive him, because what he has down to push down didn't work. Holding on to the anger will just weigh you down, and then he would win.
2006-09-13 17:00:36 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Forgiveness is good for you, not just for him. Let the bad go, and be with your father to the extent you are able in his last days.
2006-09-13 17:18:58 · answer #8 · answered by michael941260 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I say yes please forgive him. He is your father and you only get ONE of them. I know he may have hurt you in many ways but when he is gone you wont even remember it, all you will be thinking about is all the good times yall had and how much you wish you coulda had a better relationship with him.
2006-09-13 17:09:00 · answer #9 · answered by Keeta 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Forgive him. He can't help it that he doesn't know how to deal with his feelings. He will always be your father no matter how much of a asshole he is.
2006-09-13 17:03:22 · answer #10 · answered by PROLADY 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋