I was raped and nearly murdered, should I tell my man?

Question

I was sexually abused at 5 y.o., lost my dad to a religious cult, my mom ended up with a cocaine addicted alcoholic gambler who nearly bankrupted us forcing me to work to support the family at 15. At 17, I was in a very abusive relationship with a crazy druggy who held a shotgun to my head for hours and tried to kill me when I tried to dump him.. At 21, I suffered from PTSD and became serevely depressed,and suicidal. At 22, I was raped. At 23, I was with a controlling man and lived in a virtual prison for 6 yrs.. I came out it all. I now have a great education, a great job, a great life and I"m happy.

My bf of 2 yrs doesn't know any of this. He thinks I'm a innocent sweet girl who's all nice with sugar and spice. I don't want to destroy his illusion.. I love his naive view of me. I'd hate to destroy his innocent view of me by telling him the truth, but does he have a right to know? Do I really have to tell him or am I justified in leaving this part of my history buried?

Answer 1

You need to tell him. He'll never really know you unless he can understand the events and emotions that shaped you into who you are. He won't love you less. He'll love you more for trusting. He may have a difficult time at first, but he'll come around.

Answer 2

Wow that is a lot of stuff. Um I would say eventually but maybe not all at once. Because that is a lot to take in. If some1 loves you then they would much rather have the real you than some illusion they have of you. I dont think that much will change because they way u are w/ him now is not an act. So as long as you're being the way you really are then there is no reason for any problems to arise out of telling him this. It might just help him understand you more and leave u less frustrated cause "he just doesnt understand." He will know what u went through and be there to support when those feelings come back (if ever).

Answer 3

Aw, honey, I am so sorry you have lived through hell. It hurts to read your story. But you're going to have to tell your boyfriend. This is your history, and if he loves you as you imply that he does, it shouldn't matter. It might even clear up some things he's been wondering about.

You could leave it buried but you know what happens when you bury things. They come back up, at least in my experience. You may have "recovered" but there will always be that behind you. It almost sounds like you are hiding this part of your life. What happened to you IS NOT your fault and you don't need to be ashamed for one minute of it. In fact, you should be very proud of yourself that you are survivor. Not many people would have gone through what you have gone through and still be able to write that you have a great life and you're happy.

Your boyfriend deserves the truth. You would want the truth from him if the shoe was on the other foot. Not coming "clean" about your past will surely drive a wedge between you. And you don't have to make it into a sob story...the way you presented it here, straight-forward and to the point, should be enough. If you don't want him asking any questions, make it clear to him. Tell him you intend to keep living your life as you have been and that you love him and want to share everything with him, that you are troubled by sharing your past because it's painful and you have made a clean break with your past to move forward. Again, if he loves you, he'll accept this part of you.

Good luck to you. You are truly an inspiration.

Answer 4

Get a piece of paper and write advantages of telling on one side and disadvantages of telling on the other. Do some soul searching and get answers in front of you so you evaluate your true feelings. If he loves you, he will understand. It is an illusion but do you feel as if you are dishonest with him? If there is ever a possibility of him finding out about your past, you may be better off telling him....write it down! Your answer will come!

Answer 5

Honey I think if you are truely in love with each other , you should be open and honest with him. He will love you all the more for telling him the truth. He will be very understanding. It wasn't your fault that these terrible things happened to you. I wish you all the best and God Bless you . I am so glad that you are happy again after all the nightmares you have gone through. We all love you. Please tell him and don't let him hear it from someone else. God be with you always.

Answer 6

First of all, I am sorry you had to go through all that. Second I think you telling him is entirely up to you, know one can ever tell you what to do.

I can help you by telling you to weigh out the pro's and con's of him knowing. Then ask yourself does he love me enough to see past this to the person he fell in love with? Then you have to ask yourself can you live with this secret from him? If you say you can't and you think he is very understanding then tell him.

I hope he holds you and cherishes you like you should have been in your younger years.

This is a very loaded question.

Answer 7

hi there, so sorry to hear of your hardships. If my girlfriend was keeping this from me I would be crushed if I found out. Not because of what happened but because she didnt feel she could tell me. I would ask yourself if you are afraid of his reaction or if you are ashamed of your past. Victims of such abuse often feel great shame even though they are in no way responsible for the abuse done to them. Hopefully you can get to a place where you have accepted your past and can approach your boyfriend authentically and honestly. Take care.

Answer 8

I am so sorry for what you went through. But the number one reason people that did that stuff to you gets a way is because the victims blame their selves. yod did nothing wrong all those other people did. If he really loves you he will realize you are a vicitm. I will lift you up in my prayers tonight.

Answer 9

Don't tell him details..past is past and bringing it up might change the future. It's not like you did anything behind his back to have to confess. Be happy,because, there isn't enough of that in the world! Anyway, it sounds like you could use some happiness.

Answer 10

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