My husband & I have been married fpr 6 yrs. but he is very unhappy with every aspect of his life (mostly financially), so he told me he wants to seperate. He wants 2 better his finances by going back to school plus re-evaluate or marriage. We've caused one another alot of pain (no cheating) but still really luv eachother. Then days later he tells me he won't file for a divorce for at least 1 yr.(it's not about child support, 2 of the kids will live w/him for now) to see where he'll be mentally after the year, but if I want to file then it's up 2 me (he questions my true feelings for him, so is this a head game)? What does this mean, Seriously? I know I have caused him the most pain & understand his doubt but should I wait & hope he will change his mind or except that we might truely be finished and get a divorce in a few months. Please please advise me. We have 3 children involed, ages 2-12yrs old and we're in our early 30's.
2006-09-13 15:53:11 · 12 answers · asked by presmasho 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The quest. asked where will the kids be, his mom and sister stay home, so they'll watch our kids for free or pratically nothing. I don't mind because I need to finish college myself. I'm just so confused and hurt.
2006-09-13 16:26:22 · update #1
It's a bunch of crap. He is not being sincere with you. He has a hidden agenda. For him to blame you or fix himself is a cop out. Divorce is excuse for failing at the ultimate relationship commitment. You cannot climb a mountain together and say I quit after going 6 years. It is him and only him. Tell him you love him and if he wants to just give up on himself and regret his actions looking back let him. If he needs to get away and uncover what he needs to be grateful for then let him. If he doesn't see it that he is sacrificing half of his power(you) and can't find a way to be empowered then it is truly his loss for putting his ego before his commitment. The best thing you can do is make him right (even if he is not)at all costs, Encourage him to become what ever he thinks will solve his dilemma. It's not about the money it is who you become in the process.Whenever there is conflict in a marriage it means one or the other is growing. To put your children in this situation is the worst thing you can do to their life. If he wants to start a business send him to my link, goodluck.
2006-09-13 16:23:41 · answer #1 · answered by mikey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For 6 years you and he have been married and he wants to leave due to money problems, makes no sense to me since both of you working on this problem would be much better. He must have some idea what he wants out of this marriage or else he would not have came to this solution. Since he will have 2 of the children what will he do when he goes to school? You mention but say no cheating so that is confusing unless he doubts your love for him. Maybe he is playing head games or he may want to see how much you do love him. I feel it is much better to be together if you love each other than be apart, that isn't a good way of working on this. Do what you feel is right about filing for a divorce. Wishing you a lot of luck
2006-09-13 16:12:30 · answer #2 · answered by Krinta 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not encourage the breakup of yet another home but that seems like alot of "possible" pressure much less pain to place upon another.
This kind of decision is very hard and keep in mind it does not affect just the two of you.......each other, children and both families and friends will all be affected as this does generally build walls of its own.
Financial pressures just add to the flame but your love should overcome the other hurt by forgiveness.
Hope you guys can work things out!
2006-09-13 15:59:36 · answer #3 · answered by Marsha 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to be separated from your husband at least one full year, before any one can file for a divorce. Give him time - you can not force him to stay - it just wont work.
Do not - I mean do not fight over the children - let them decide who they want to stay with. You are both still quiet young - lots of time to decide what you want to do. Just don't rush anything. Keep the communication open and of all things - be honest with each other.
Been there - done that!
2006-09-13 16:02:45 · answer #4 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would never sit around and wait for someone to "change his mind"; if he wanted to leave me, I would certainly want to get the divorce proceedings underway as soon as possible. This way, I could start putting it all behind me, and getting ready for the time when a new relationship comes along. This is just my personal feeling, everyone feels differently in these situations. Do what seems right to you.
2006-09-13 16:00:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
why wait?
file tomorrow....
it's head games on both of you
you admit that you cause each other pain..
yet you slyly leave out what are your bad traits...
the kids will be happier in a home where at least 1 parent is happy verse a 2 parent home where both are miserable.. so staying together until either one of you earns a degree is a sham for the kids and thy will know it and have major emotional problems later in life.... you do them no favors...
2006-09-13 17:05:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is there anyway at all the two of you can just get away for the weekend. Just the two of you. If you think some one on one time will help then try it out. Maybe the two of you just need to reconnect away from work, home, phones, kids, etc.
good luck, stay strong :)
RileyRae
2006-09-13 16:25:42 · answer #7 · answered by RainaDeLaSol 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Really talk about what is really going on cause it sounds like its not the money, cause if it was why would he take the kids knowing kids are not cheep.Its sounds like he does want away from you and he is trying to get out of paying child support by taking the kids cause if you don't have them you pay him! just put 2 and 2 together.
2006-09-13 16:09:03 · answer #8 · answered by starlight203_2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in the same boat as your husband. Right now, my mind only think of solving my current financial crisis which sometimes or somehow affect the relationship of both parties. Probably, your husband, like me, felt that you probably be better off without him.
Honestly, to say that you would be better off without him, is like a knife piercing thru your heart.
If you are able to help out on the finances.......things might just work out.
2006-09-13 16:03:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry about your situation. I worry that I'll be in your situation someday. Honestly, i would do what you need to do in order to stay strong in case he does decide it's over for good. If it would be easier for you to accept by getting the divorce over with then you should do that. I would recommend if he doesn't want to be with you by the third month to file for divorce. I hope that you'll be able to work things out.
2006-09-13 16:03:12 · answer #10 · answered by Violet 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋