She says that I hurt her feelings when I don't listen too her. Sometimes I know it will lead to a fight so I avoid what she is telling me all together. Then she tells me that I am cutting off communication. I tell her that I will not have this conversation. Then she starts getting loud and emotional because she says I'm ignoring her. I start walking away. Then she starts yelling at me that I am disrespecting her. Then I just ignore her even more. She then sometimoes will say the most horrible, hurtful things to me that even my worst enemy wouldn't say. She says that I need help because she thinks that I am in denial of diong anything wrong, but I am not the one who said those horrible thingsso she is wrong. Am I right? I do not see whre I went wrong and she becomes a crazy woman and now she wants to seperate from me.
2006-09-13 15:24:31 · 16 answers · asked by joe man 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
See a marriage counselor and try to learn how to properly talk to and hear one another. Sometimes we listen, but we don't hear.
2006-09-13 15:33:21 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Whoa...lol...ok. First of all, as a woman myself...when she says you're ignoring and disrespecting her...what she's really trying to convey is u are not hearing her correctly. Women obviously speak a different language than men. When we get all emotional and stuff, your first reaction is to ignore us or tune us out. This gets our blood boiling even more because this tells us u are not interested in us enough to give us the time of day. For some women, this will cause her to nag incessantly. For some, this will cause them to lose interest in having sex w/ the husbands.
Before anyone walks out of the marriage, u both need to learn to fight fairly. Effective communication is important here and proper listening is as important as talking. Also, your wife needs to learn to cease the discussion when she starts getting hot under the collar and either take a walk or go into another room to cool off before resuming the discussion in a rational way. This is somethimg I'm learning to do myself in my own marriage.
For us women, it is very important that u take the time to sit down with us and listen to what we have to say when we need your attention. Pls try not to ignore us. U don't have to say anything unless asked. Just listen.
2006-09-13 22:52:22 · answer #2 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you listened and responded, there might still be a fight, but it prolly wouldn't lead to her cussing you out! If you respond to her hurtful words, than at least then she knows that in some way you are listening...A.K.A. caring about her. Walk in her shoes in the same situation. That doesn't excuse her behavior, but if I was her, I'd probably want a separation as well if my husband was ignoring me when I brought a problem to the table...oh yeah, I have. We're back together, but he had to learn to communicate w/ me even if it brought a bigger disagreement.
2006-09-13 22:33:46 · answer #3 · answered by breaker_1020 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
We women just want to hear a sincere apology, a sweet look in the eyes, hear you say how much you love me and that we are going to work things out. Keep yourself calm and do not start doing to her what she is doing to you, that way she is the one being disrespectful. When you ignore her you are just trying to calm things down, let her know that you are not going to get into an argument yelling and offending each other. When it is true love, you know it and things will work out. If it is not, and you are unhappy do what is best for you. In the other hand it happens to everyone! Best wishes for you.
2006-09-13 22:33:55 · answer #4 · answered by scorpionitty 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO SHE IS NOT CRAZY
YOU TO NEED TO READ THAT BOOK MEN ARE FROM MARS AND WOMEN FROM VENUS
MEN AND WOMEN COPE IN TWO DIFFERENT WAYS
YOU ARE GOING TO YOUR CAVE TO THINK AND MAYABE SOLVE A PROBLEM AND SHE NEEDS TO EXPRESS HER FEELINLGS
AND FEELS DISRESPECTED THAT YOU ARE NOT TAKING THE TIME TO LISTEN TO HER NEEDS CONCERNS, WANTS, ECT.......................
I THINK OUT OF THE HURT SHE IS REACTING BY CUSSING YOU OUT
AND REALLY IT IS RUDE TO WALK AWAY AND OR HANG UP ON SOMEONE
THEN IGNORING THE SITUATION IS JUST MAKING IT WORSE AND ULTIMATELY YOU ARE GOING TO BE IN A SITUATION WHERE THERE WILL BE NO COMMUNICATION BECAUSE YOU CUT HER OFF AND THEN SHE WONT WANT TO TALK TO YOU BECAUSE YOU WALK AWAY
SHE MAY EVEN SEEK COMFORT ELSE WHERE FRIENDS CO WORKERS AND EVEN OTHER MEN
SO IF I WERE YOU I STOP AND LISTEN OR GET SOME MARITAL COUNSELING BEFORE IT GETS SO BAD YOU CANT FIX IT
SHE S NOT CRAZY SHE IS HURT AND FEELS YOU DONT LISTEN AND SEEMS VERY FRUSTRATED
THE REASON SHE SAYS HURTFUL THINGS IS BECAUSE YOUVE HURT HER BY NOT LISTENING
2006-09-14 05:21:58 · answer #5 · answered by Larelle 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is your demeanor quiet when she is screaming at you? if it is, I would bring home some boxes and help her pack up and leave. She sounds like a crazy woman to me. Yelling and saying hurtfull things is not much of a relationship for either one of you. It also occurs to me that you are not a confrontational type of man. You might try sitting down and let her vent. Just sit still and listen. See what she has to say. Then help her pack up and get out.
2006-09-13 23:10:47 · answer #6 · answered by asbratcher 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all women just need a man to listen.Second of all walking away will not fix anything but add more problems. So listen but tell her how you feel and ALSO explain to her that you do not always have all the right answers but you do understand what she is saying and how she feels.
2006-09-13 22:38:27 · answer #7 · answered by starlight203_2000 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Even though you know the things she's telling you that will lead to fights, I think you should still listen and talk about it calmly, it doesn't have to lead to fights. And fights between couple is normal, that's what make the relationship grow, I think you should start listen to her. Put yourself in her position, if you're telling her about your feelings and that she thinks it's going to lead to fights, and starts to ignore you, you wouldn't like it much I bet. just think about it.
2006-09-13 22:28:49 · answer #8 · answered by superboredom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I get the feeling you are not there for her emotionally and who knows how many other ways. Why is she so frustrated? I seriously don't think you care. What brings her to the point of screaming? hummm. I hope she finds some peace. And someone to respect her who she can have faith in and share with. 'somebody who gives a da...'
2006-09-14 16:06:13 · answer #9 · answered by Ann 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to solve all the problems she might be bringing to you, but paying attention does make a difference. I know it's tough to do sometimes when all you hear is blah blah blah, but if you listen and acknowledge her...then if you don't want to fight, ask her how she wants to fix the problem...she will tell you her problem, and then she will probably tell you how to fix it too....all you have to do is sit and agree...no problems. Try that and see if it might help...good luck and take care.
2006-09-13 22:31:06 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is she crazy or are you? Sorry, but an hour ago she was your fiance--now she is your wife? Then you state that she says you dont listen to her and avoid her but on your other question you said she does not listen to you. Once you figure out if you are married or not and who is not comunicating it will be easier to answer.
2006-09-13 22:34:50 · answer #11 · answered by bunnylatte 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋