Are men who marry women who become overweight really happy w/ that or is that too much to ask?

Question

Can they really look beyond it?
I think they could, but society looks at them & judges them on their wife (like a car, showing off a new bmw vs. a beat up old whatever).
Isn't there a small part of it that they think about what others think of them & therefore are not OK w/ it?

I ask because a friend of mine has a husband who always verbally abuses her for being overweight but she puts up w/ it (and then complains to me)

Answer 1

I think that depends on the mental capacity of the man. And if he loves her for who she is and not what she looks like. Really sad about your friend. Nobody deserves to be treated that way.

Answer 2

I'm pretty sure the women who answered this with "he should look past it" have gained a bit of weight themselves during their marriage and are feeling a bit defensive. I think men or women in this situation have a right to speak their mind. If they married someone at 115 lbs, then that is what they were attracted to. If the weight gain is within 10 pounds of that, it's not going to matter, but if you start plumping up for no reason, then even I would say "this isn't what I signed up for". Being over weight is unhealthy, and it's a lifestyle change for both parties involved, not just the one.

I don't agree with the verbal abuse though. It's only going to make matters worse for him as well as her. He needs to find another, more positive way to help her rather than hurt her and she needs to quit complaining and do something to change things. It takes two!

Answer 3

Hi. Look, some men can love the woman no matter how she looks. Other men get tyrannical with the first pounds after a baby is born. This whole thing is a spectrum. Also, some women can let themselves go and then complain about it endlessly but doing nothing. Others can take control of their bodies and remain healthy. As a smart friend, fix her and her husband on these sliding scales. You know best where they fit. That gives you a clue about the possible success of their problem, maybe even of their marriage.

Answer 4

Well, I believe the husband should look at his self as part of the problem. Most women who love and respect their mates are happy and therefore, take pride in them self. Someone who lives with a critical person who is not happy with them self and feels the need to make others feel inferior often succeed in doing so. Women use food as a barrier and comfort to fill the gap when they feel criticized and unloved.

Answer 5

my husband loves me
he has loved me since the day he met me.
He would never tolerate anyone who abused me verbally because of my weight, or looks or whatever, just as he would never tolerate anyone who abused anyone for any reason whatsoever

so i guess my answer is, yes, men look beyond looks. (at least the good ones do)
any male who abuses a female verbally, physically or emotionally is not a gentleman and is not a man, but a boy in a man's body. Most likely he is expressing his own disappointment in himself in some way.
your friend needs to seek help with her marriage, not complain to you.

Answer 6

First of all - women are usually hypercritical when it comes to looking in the mirror. Men on the other hand are pretty delusional. Chances are if she has gained weight over the years - he isn't exactly material for the cover of "Mr. Fitness". We all age and our body changes - male or female. probably less than 10 % of America would want to pose naked in a 360 degree mirror.

Answer 7

A person is supposed to marry because they love someone, the whole package no matter what, it shouldn't matter if she gains a little weight. On the other hand, she has to look at herself and continue to try and make herself presentable. Not saying that being plus-size is a problem, it means that when they go out she should dress and groom as when she met him.

Answer 8

perosnally, from my viewpoint, a womne who is overweight is letting herself go.. and thus looses her appeal, she has control of her body.. in the very same fashion that a man does... so why let go just becuase you got a man ( or trapped ) into marriage.. why not be as slim and healthy as the day you marry.
for the man to verbally complain, he lack the courage to dump her and divorce and move on..
for the women who takes the verbal... she knows he is right but lacks the self esteem and drive to correct it and fears one day he will leave her..
if he does usally the women hits the gym.. to drop weight.. to get another man.... funny.. she has total control but exercises not ot use it..


another reason why men should never marry.. or get out at the first sign of sloth

Answer 9

lets clarify some things
you say overweight- I think you mean grossly obese
10 pounds over is overweight, but i doubt anyone would even mention that. 25 pounds over for a woman who should be 100 pounds, they may say something but it would not even then be rude
50 pounds over( I might add that this is where doctors term the beginning of morbidly obese)
and when they get to 200 pounds a guy has to ask " did I marry 1 woman or 2?"

Answer 10

I know people are going to hate me for this but so be it. I think that physical attraction is key in any relationship. I mean think about it, if a guy wanted a skinny chick that is who he seeks. If he want a thicker chick that is who he seeks.

My husband didnt marry me as a heavier person he married me at 120lbs. Now granted people will gain a bit of wieght I dont think he would be turned on if I gained 20-40lbs all of a sudden. And I liked skin and bones so that is who I seeked out. If he gained 40-60lbs all of a sudden I wouldnt be physically attracted to him anymore.

I will always love him and I know he will always love me, but I wouldnt want to get naked and have sex.