What should I say to a man who has been obsessed with my young niece? Please read on...?

Question

This man was my brother's best friend for all of his adult life, throughout my brother's marriage, the birth of his daughter and his son, his divorce, and sole custody of his children. My brother passed away suddenly of a heart attack 6 yrs ago (age 40). My niece was 15 at the time, found him (Easter morning) and called me, awful. My issue now is that this so called friend then sent anonymous inappropriate cards to my niece, and gave her a necklace that he said he anted to give to her at the previous Christmas (she was 14), but knew that my brother wouldn't like it. So he waited till brother died and gave it to her. Continued to send anon cards, then just sent a letter and finally signed it. My sister called him and asked him, he said "I felt a connection" and yes he was wanting her sexually, as cards indicated. He is now 47, and she is 21 and disgusted. Do you consider him a pedophile? We do. I want to confront him probably in a letter, what should I say or do? any legal recourse?

My niece is horrified by all of this. She never told me this before because she didn't know who the cards were coming from. Her other aunt knew only about the necklace, thought it was odd, but no real big deal. Her mom is out of the picture

Answer 1

Ask him politely to stop in a registered letter. You can trick him by sending it UPS with a must-sign. That way he will think he is getting something from someone else. Tell him the next time you hear from him, you are going to get a restraining order from the police, and that a copy of the letter has been filed with your attorney.

Answer 2

Pedophile? Possibly. By terms of the law, he may not have a history, but as for sexually inappropriate - yes.
What you explained with the cards and letter is sexual harrassment. And yes it's typical to manipulate with gifts such as jewelry, perfume, make up, money, etc..
Hopefully you've kept the cards and letter as evidence. If you haven't you've made a very poor choice. As for confronting him yourself, no. You need to speak to the police and give them all information, make sure you keep the originals and give them copies of the cards and letter, and discuss the phone call(s). The police need to know proactively instead of reactively.

Answer 3

Politely tell him "look but don't touch", "see don't speak". Remind him it can cost him a minimun of 5 to life! There are laws against what he is doing. It is a form of stalking. In Florida we have very rigid laws concerning this sort of behavior with minors! I know she is 21, but he is using the "good ole family friend" routine.

Wake up--"smell the coffee"! If you wait it could be too late! She could up and run off with him. My daughter became a chronic runaway at 15. I was a "middle class" suburban housewife with my nose too high in the air to realize what I was about to lose until it happened.

What are you waiting for? This problem is not going to disappear. If you are afraid of her getting mad. Well, I'll tell you one thing--I would rather have my neice mad at me the rest of "her" life rather than visiting a plot of ground the rest of "my" life. Take a chance, contact your local law enforcement and just ask for help! I know what their advice will be. It's worth the call. What have you go to lose? Your neice will not be mad forever. Please don't worry about what the guy thinks. He is a very sick individual with a small mind if all he has to do is prey on a young girl who is probably still suffering the loss of her dad. Can't you see is using her grief to "groom" her for his future plans? How do you know he isn't doing this to another child or young lady? Law enforcement can help with excellent advice.

Please do not wait a minute longer and place your neice in harm's way.

Answer 4

Its called stalking. Take the cards into the Police and tell them about it.

Then get a court order to stop anymore cards, mail, email, phone messages or getting within 200 yards of her. Its called an Obsession and its not NATURAL. These are dangerous.

Answer 5

I don't think you can do anything now unless she wants you to because she's over 18 and an adult! You should confront him if she and your family want to. Goodluck, try getting a restraining order. Tell him to not contact her or go near her, that she doesn't want to see or hear from him. And if he continues to, you will take legal action in a restraining order.

Answer 6

Eek! Sounds eerily like the book "Lolita". I don't see any legal recourse YOU can take. However your niece could take out a restraining order against him. Just make sure, to be careful and safe in whatever you do IF you DO confront him.

Good luck,
Tree~

Answer 7

First ask the police to see what you can do , get a judge to issue a restraning order on him it this falls then do what ever you thin is best and stay whithin the law because you dont wont to go to jail because then there is no telling what he will do good luck

Answer 8

its her choice, she is legally old(an adult)enough to make any decision she wants, if she doesnt like him, she shouldnt speak to him or let him know she considers him a friend of the family but nothing further. now if she was still 14/15 than you could call the police or something but she is of legal age there is nothing you can do

Answer 9

If she is 21 now and he still likes her probably not a ped but definitely a perv. Your niece needs to tell him to stop harassing her nad let him know that she's going to complain to the police if he continues to harrass her.

Answer 10

yes that guy needs real lessons...he is deriving ur niece all the security that love a adult should give. yes do speak to a lawyer and do try having him stay away for atleast so many meters away...try getting ur niece elsewhere where she is ok to stick to the people around her..for men liek him do something real serious that he learns his lesson..he is a obessed kinda guy who is a total jerk...hell with such low attitude guys....just stick to ur niece and all the best...