Ok here is the situation I am a 21 yr.old college student and have grown up with a mother that yells out of frustration pretty much everyday. When I was around 13 the habit stated to wear off on me without even me noticing it. I never would yell outside the house but inside the house at the ones I was closest to such as my family. My mom and I would yell almost everysingle day and I have developed a lack of communication with others. When I am frustrated I get the urge to yel and I can't stop. Now I have a great honest boyriend and I can't help with the lack of communication skills I have instead I either prevent myself from yelling and hold the anger inside or blow up with anger as my learned form of communication. I need to stop now! I feel like it's in control and I need to get a hold of this. Noone in my family really communicates there opinions and needs. Please help me with how to stop yelling especially at my boyfriend.
2006-09-13 12:35:13 · 4 answers · asked by valerie m 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I feel bad for you, that sucks that your mom used to yell so much. Sounds like you're going from one extreme to the other -- either screaming in anger, or bottling it up. Next time you feel that way, try being totally honest and telling your boyfriend how you feel. Something like, "I feel really frustrated right now and I want to yell, but I won't. This is what's making me feel frustrated...." and then don't be judgmental, just be honest. You might find that when you articulate your feelings, it kind of "shrinks" them down -- i.e. the thing that seemed to bother you so much turns out to be NOT SO BAD after you talk about it.
Good luck, you sound like a sweet girl and I hope you can overcome this.
2006-09-13 12:41:29 · answer #1 · answered by t_o_w_e_r_i_n_g 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I yell when I get mad and/or frustrated, too. The best thing I've found is that when you feel yourself about to get angry or frustrated, stop. Stop talking and take a deep breath. Then close your eyes and count backwards from 10, in another language if you know one. (This makes you focus on something other than what you're angry or frustrated about.) After you've done this, open your eyes again and very slowly and softly explain to whoever you're talking to how you feel and why. If you feel the anger starting again, stop, close your eyes and count again.
Sometimes, you will backslide. It's human nature. But don't feel bad when that happens. Best of luck!
2006-09-13 19:47:10 · answer #2 · answered by Avie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put a piece of duct tape over your lips...
No, you should just keep this in mind, and remind yourself whenever you feel that you are about to yell. Practice not yelling, but still expressing whatever you were going to say when you did yell. Once you quit yelling, maybe it will all progress from there.
You should tell your boyfriend this; you said he's great, and you should tell him.
It's great that you know that this is a problem. Now you only need to remember not to yell. As I say, be sure to remind yourself not to yell when you feel like you need to.
Go apologize for yelling, and give your boyfriend a hug. Good luck!
2006-09-13 19:40:57 · answer #3 · answered by aanstalokaniskiodov_nikolai 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Before you answer, respond, yell, or react to a situation, count to 10 slowly and then speak softly. Always express your angry feelings, but do it in a spirit of mildness. People will listen to you when you speak with mildness/kindness.
2006-09-13 19:51:39 · answer #4 · answered by Researcher 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋