I will try to make it short. Due to certain life situations, I currently find myself very alone. I am about to turn 40, I look younger, am educated, I work for respectable company and have a good job. My problem is that I have no family or friends around me. I never was an introvert, but for some reason, most women I have met, have been jealous, and most men have wanted one thing. I have 2 family members in the US, and they live states away. I have a boyfriend who is also states away, and because of our relationship, I have lost some friendships, as most of my friends have been men. I work all day, at a stressful job and come home at nite to my 2 cats.
My bf is younger than me, has a child and is very unstable, financially and has alot of emotional control issues. I do love him, but lately I have been wondering if I am in it out of desperation. After all I never wanted kids, and am really alone b.c he is never with me, except on the weekends if that. What would you do if you were me ?
2006-09-13 12:30:43 · 15 answers · asked by Kat 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Try to get involved in some sort of organization. For instance in my city there is this group of people who volunteer at various places. And yes, you do actually help others, but its full of professional people, most of them single and its a good way to get involved socially. Maybe you could look into something like that, not necessarily to meet guys but just friends in general. You really need to build up your support system. Good luck
2006-09-13 12:34:28 · answer #1 · answered by glitterprincess 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your situations seems tough. No relationship should be trying on you, no matter what people say. You shouldn't have to "work" to be happy in a relationship.
I know that you feel lonely, but is that really a good reason to keep dating someone who has 'issues' that you can't resolve, as well as a child, which you never wanted? Also, if he is so insecure that he doesn't want you to remain friends with men who have been your friends for a long time, he has control issues. While it can be awkward when your partner has friends of the opposite sex, if you trust them, and they are trustworthy, you should have no problem with it. You are who you are and were that way when he met you and should respect that. If not, he does not love you in a healthy way. If you break up with him, perhaps your old friends won't be too hurt to open their arms to you again.
Are you close to any of your family members that live out of state? If so, perhaps you should consider moving closer to them and getting a new job (if it's feasible).
Regarding women being jealous, are you perhaps perceiving things differently than they actually are? You may see soem actions in women differently than they mean them. If not, you are meeting the wrong women. Try joining a club or group that have a similar interest as you. To be honest, I met one of my best friends online in a chat room on AOL MANY years ago. We are still very close. I have always had a hard time making friends with women because I come across as conceited (I am really just quiet before you get to know me). Try creating a myspace account and finding women in your area with similar interests in your age range. That can also give you a type of companionship when you are feeling lonely. Online friends can be really comforting, as strange as that sounds. Do you love music, the theatre, art? Any hobby you have should give you the opportunity to meet people with similar views as you.
You'd be surprised at who you might find a good friend, so keep your mind open.
Good luck.
2006-09-13 12:45:19 · answer #2 · answered by J B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like you are in a relationship that you may not want to be in, but don't know how to get out of? I mean if you are single, have a good job, look young and don't have any friends because of your boyfriend who is states away? Then what exactly are you benefiting from this relationship? I mean if you two make it purely a sexual relationship, then clarify that. However, if you want something more than I would try to have somebody in or near where you live. You also sound like you don't mind being alone, just don't like being lonely. There is a big difference and a lot of people are afraid of being alone. That isn't the case with you. You just want to have more friends and possibly in a meaningful relationship with somebody who doesn't have "issues". The older people get unfortunately, the more issues there are, whether it be divorce, kids, emotional baggage, etc. I say, you want to think about what YOU want. Not what is so-so, but what you truly feel and want, then go for it!!! Good luck! You sound like a pretty strong woman, and you are going to be fine, no matter what!
2006-09-13 12:39:47 · answer #3 · answered by Laurie S 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If I were you, I'd do some serious soul-searching. But one thing is certain: a relationship that only survives weekend to weekend can't be a very satisfying one.
Some of the things you've said are red flags. You've lost friends because of your relaltionship with him, he has emotional control issues, is financially unstable, has a child and when it comes down to it, you are spending most of your personal time alone with your cats.
I can't tell you whether you should stay with him or leave him in hopes of someone who can fulfill your needs. But I can say that if I were in the same position, I would end it. I think you already know what you need/want to do, but are unsure. Whatever choice you make, it will be the right one. I wish you the best of luck and happiness. Take care of yourself.
2006-09-13 12:40:20 · answer #4 · answered by Avie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Find just enough time for yourself to socialize. Certainly there are women groups in your area, or any organization for that matter. Being financially stable you can draw a crowd by first donating to organizations, then host some afternoon or evening parties with new friends..
And since you do not want to have children, definitely you do not want to burden yourself with that but you will still need a lifelong companion in the long run..
Just be yourself, socialize, the way you described your boyfriend, leave him..
At 40 you will be only starting with yourlife,,,
Most of the problem with men meeting with professional women is that they tend to be intmidated, if not shy or if not the feeling of insecurity or inadequacy, thus most men shy away from professional women, unless the men are of equally or better standard.
Just socialize.
2006-09-13 12:40:55 · answer #5 · answered by yulnores 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would start fresh and move onto better things that life has to offer. Right now it sounds like you are struck in a rut. Try getting involved with clubs that interest you, join discussion groups (like book clubs) there are many resources. You could even go back to school and take a couple of courses to open your mind. Travel also helps. Don't care about others, this is your life and you should be living it. As for your boyfriend, he doesn't sound like a good one. Almost like he is just there for your resources. Leave him pronto and find a better man, that truly deserves you! you'll find him, but don't be expecting it any time soon. I find that you find what you are looking for when you are not looking. hope everything works out.
2006-09-13 12:37:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have just entered the prime of your life. Do not cripple yourself by taking on someone else's baggage. (unstable finances etc). Continue to do things or go places to meet new people and make friends. You will eventually find a friend or BF. Don't try to hard because that just adds stress. Just be yourself. Remember "Never let your heart rule over your mind". If you do, you are setting yourself up for a lot of hurt.
2006-09-13 13:09:18 · answer #7 · answered by zerokool 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must be very desperate to keep that guy. Go and find some one else. Try match.com or e harmony. I met really nice people (stupid once too). Just take your time to choose the man you could start a friendship with. Internet dating does not have to be dangerous if you follow the simple rules. But you will get opportunities to go out on dates and you will get to know yourselve better as well.
Get rit of the guy you are with now.
2006-09-13 12:38:18 · answer #8 · answered by Angel****1 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to find out what really makes YOU happy. Make a list of all the things you like about your current life style and all the things you don't. Then pick one thing at a time and work on it. I hope everything works out for the best.
2006-09-13 13:29:46 · answer #9 · answered by smiliegalccd 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have been there am i am only 26 with my family around all the time. i know how it feels when i did not have them though. try to make it a habit to talk to your other family meembers once a week.don't you have friend's from work? or try myspace. i went on there and met a lot of interesting people from around the world.you have to try to keep your friends even if you man does not like it.were they your friend's before him?, don't drop them just because he does not like it. you need to live your life. find a hobby,join a book club, take a class. there are millions of thing you can do to find and meet wonderful and great people.
2006-09-13 12:35:46 · answer #10 · answered by Amry 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋