I'm married to a wonderful man. However, it's been a concern of mine if he still harbors feelings for an ex girlfriend he dated years before he met me. I knew they were friends after they broke up and after he and I married, we started hanging out in a group along with her boyfriend. At first I didn't mind and I never felt anything between them, but lately my thoughts have bothered me enough to not take any chances and I told him I didn't want him talking to her anymore. At first it bugged him but now he promises it doesn't matter to him one way or the other. He insists he only thinks of her as a friend and has no interest in her, but little things he's confided in me (like expressing his concern over her well-being of jumping around from guy to guy) really settles in my mind and no matter how many times I ask, he always insists there's nothing there. He's never cheated on me and I fully believe he never would, but I still wonder if there's more in his heart than what he's telling me.
2006-09-13 12:14:06 · 8 answers · asked by barkbarkshark 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I should also add that another big reason this bugs me is in the middle of a fight about her, he said to me "I was happier with her than with you, we never fought" and I thought that proved it all. Then later he insisted he only said it because he was so angry he wanted to make me mad, but meant nothing by it. I feel frustrated because no matter what, I don't feel satisfied and I can't get convinced that he's being truthful. He also said about a year ago (after I asked him) that if things went wrong with us, would he date her? He didn't say no outright, but now of course, he says there's no way. I could name a million reasons I feel somethings not right, but at the same time I look in his eyes that look so sincere, and want to believe him so bad.
2006-09-13 12:30:19 · update #1
She broke up with him, btw.
2006-09-13 12:31:28 · update #2
In reading this I would have to say, trust your instincts. It would be wise for u and your husband to cut all ties with her. She's his ex...past is past and he should leave it at that. Her problems are no longer your husband's concern and he needs to start respecting how u feel about this whole situation. He's treading on dangerous territory and if u don't put a stop to this, it can easily get out of hand.
I know some of these responses are telling u not to be paranoid but in my opinion, u have a damn good reason to be.
2006-09-13 12:59:57 · answer #1 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Stop being paranoid. Be glad that you're married to a man with a soft heart, not one of those guys who loves 'em and leaves 'em.
It sounds like he still harbours some guilt about how he treated that ex-girlfriend. How many men would be considerate enough to feel that way! It's because he feels guilty that he feels an obligation to make it up to her, by being protective.
It may actually be a relief to him that you've put your foot down, because he has an excuse to let go the burden of looking out for her. But guilt is a powerful thing, so don't be too surprised if he still thinks of her occasionally.
2006-09-13 19:23:11 · answer #2 · answered by Kylie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There might be more in his heart than he's telling you - after all, she is an ex-girlfriend. They may be friends but she is the EX.
Maybe he feels that telling you everything would serve no useful purpose except to only complicate your lives together. If you're sure he hasn't and won't cheat, why is this such a big deal to you? Would you be concerned if one one of your friends continually jumped from man to man? Would you express that concern to your husband. Let sleeping dogs lie.
2006-09-13 19:20:39 · answer #3 · answered by jack w 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, you have let your imagination run away with this one. You need to reign it back in, apologize to the hubby and let this go. No man brings his wife around a love interest....EVER. If he says he has no feelings towards her in that regard...believe him honey, It's safe to say he's probably telling the truth. If you still insist that they don't speak to each other, be honest about it. Tell him that it's your own insecurity with the situation. Don't make him out to be the bad guy when he's done nothing wrong.
2006-09-13 19:22:52 · answer #4 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you just really have to trust your gut feeling here and it sounds like you are pretty sure about your husband and his integrity. I would have never hung out in a group with them, that's just a little too liberal for me. I would suggest not doing that anymore and just continue to believe in your husband until he gives you a reason not to.
2006-09-13 19:19:59 · answer #5 · answered by schmidtjal 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust him and believe him until you have good reason to think otherwise. I think man and women CAN be friends, and friends only. You're the one who gets to sleep with him, not her. Smile. Everything is on your side, sweetie.
2006-09-13 19:21:33 · answer #6 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Saying this to you :
"I was happier with her than with you, we never fought" is a very mean thing to say!
I would keep him away from her...
2006-09-13 19:39:13 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to trust him in what he is saying. Watch him though just in case.
2006-09-13 19:17:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋