My husabnd was the bread winner, without him, I have nothing. No money, no car, he made me rely on him 100%. So how do I gain back my independance and start over with 5 kids? I do get to keep the house and the truck but it's broke down and I don't know if he will fix it. I don't have family to turn to because it's usually them that turn to us.
I just don't know how to start over.
2006-09-13 12:00:39 · 21 answers · asked by ~SSIRREN~ 6 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
I am blessed with the greatest dad and two best friends a girl could ever have; I'll be calling them this weekend. My prayers and my heart go out to you, girl; we will both get through it.
2006-09-13 12:05:58 · answer #1 · answered by ♥ Luveniar♫ 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you and wish I had the perfect answer for you. I only have two kids, but I'm unable to work due to my son being disabled. My ex abandoned us, and I have virtually no income other than welfare.
The sad part about it is that no matter what I try to do to go back to work, the system just won't help you. I tried to go back to school, but couldn't get the needed child care. It's like they get you trapped into it and keep you down. And the worse part of it all is that it really isn't enough to survive on.
I had $0 balance on my credit cards and they are now maxed. I have to rely on churches and charities to help make ends meet. And, within the next 30 days I will most likely have to cut off our TV/Internet and our car insurance (and we all know that's really a necessity...especially having to drive my son to his many doctor and therapy appointments).
I've been struggling like this for 2 1/2 years and have found no solution. And, if your kids are going to need childcare while you work, then that will likely cost you dearly (I know it's expensive here). One thing that might help, if some of your family can sit for you in exchange for the things they ask you for, it might work by saving you that expense.
I realize that my only salvation from this "mess" is to lean on God. And "that" I am doing. I pray the very best for you. I actually clicked on your question hoping to see if there were any good ideas posted. In the natural, I don't think there is. I know my only hope is in God.
God bless you!
2006-09-13 19:13:47 · answer #2 · answered by Proverbs31Mom 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Take a huge deep breath. Start typing up a resume even if you've never worked before try to state your best qualities. Google to search for some samples. Then look for jobs in the local news paper or on-line. If it is possible, see if the truck could be sold or traded in for a used 2nd hand car. Try to see if being a sitter would fit you and what's needed to obtain a license. Hang in there. Wishing you the best.
2006-09-13 19:06:45 · answer #3 · answered by sakura4eternity 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I'm sorry. I don't know the answer to your question, because I've been putting up with the same crap as you for 24 years now. I felt like I was reading my own situation. I stayed and stuck it out. I have 1 child that is still in grade school that I'm waiting on. I just felt that it wasn't fair for me to upset and reduce the quality of their lives because I made a mistake. I think you are very strong and courageous though. I wish I had been brave enough to do what you've done. I went to school though as soon as the aforementioned last child was in school and worked my butt off to get a degree so I could work. Ended up graduating with high honors. Problem is my degree is only an Associates and I make half of what he makes. So much for, I'm gonna do it on my own. So I'm patiently waiting, my sentence is up in 4 years. Then I'm out.
2006-09-13 19:42:01 · answer #4 · answered by Noelle S 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try to be positive I'm sure it will be hard. Try to get a job, at a local place or at home like babysitting. You ex should take the responsibility for your kids cuz obviously he is in better condition. I hope you didn't go into battle and separate in bad terms. Maybe the kids can stay with him for a while so you can work really hard and try to save money for a cheap car or get the truck fixed.
I wish you lots of luck!
2006-09-13 19:16:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry for your troubles. I know how hard it is to go through a marriage break up especially the situation you are in.
My husband left when my 2 boys were very little. I had never worked outside of the home, had limited education ( certainly not enough to get a decent job and support my family ) and all the finances had been handled by my husband.
My self esteem was in the basement.
Looking back now after 30 years, I realize that his abandonment was the best thing that could have happened to me.
Over time, I began to recognize that I had been in an abusive relationship with a very self-centered and controlling man. I had been isolated from my friends and support systems and, somehow, been led to believe that I needed to be "looked after".
Today, I have 2 grown sons who have made excellent marriages, hold down good jobs and gifted me with 4 incredible grandchildren. I hold 2 college diplomas and a university honours degree. I am active in my community, own my own little home and am surrounded by friends who are gold.
I did not try to "start over" 30 years ago. Instead, I wished my ex well and moved on. ( He passed away in his 39th year and left no estate.)
It was a struggle and involved a lot of committment and sacrifice but, I set goals for myself on a year-by-year basis and gave it my best shot.
I learned that I could look after myself, that I wasn't the stupidest thing God ever put on this earth, that when it comes to needing help, it is your friends who come through for you every time.
I learned how to set healthy boundaries. This was hard to do for a "people pleaser" like myself.
I needed to do a lot of healing myself and decided not to get involved with another man until I was stronger and could stand on my own two feet. In today's reality, men do not always make the best providers and protectors for their families. There are no guarantees girl!
Begin by picking your heart up off the ground and standing strong. There are many resources in your community you can draw on for child care and transportation. You have options and choices and don't be afraid to examine them all.
You may never be rich but you certainly can become self-assured, independent and satisfied.
Don't allow yourself to become stuck in an attitude of doubt and fear. Live your life to the fullest, enjoy every moment with your children and don't let anybody drag you down.
Other women have managed and so can you.
2006-09-13 19:43:11 · answer #6 · answered by flying-car-woman 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Definitely get a good Attorney.
If you stayed home and raised the kids all these years you may be entitled to Alimony as well as the obvious Child Support that he will have to provide for his children.
Also seek out a support group as often their are others in the same boat there,sometimes Mom's will swap childcare etc so there is no out of pocket for either party.
Biggest thing though get a good Attorney.
I have never been Married,however unfortunately I have known many people who have Divorced.
2006-09-13 19:10:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
When the going gets tough, the tough gets going.
first of all get yourself a job to start with, if you can't go on job right now, how about baby sitting kids of neighborhood. Also talk to your husband about his moral & legal responsibility of giving you alimony. If he does not agree, get a lawyer & make him pay what you deserve.
If there is something from local government agencies like stipend for women like you apply for it & also take help from relegious bodies.
I hope all this will work & you will emerge a winner because tough times don't last, tough people do.
2006-09-14 06:05:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gotta get out and get a job, and it won't be so bad as you think, especially when the child support checks start rolling in. You just have to do what it takes to get it all back under control, and once you do, it's not so bad. I got divorced 6 years ago, and it's taken almost that long to get it all back together, as it was a very expensive process for me, but now it's better than ever.
2006-09-13 19:13:10 · answer #9 · answered by Toyman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to get a job, try finding a good, but very good and close friend or a family member that can watch your kids while you're working, look for something you like and that gives you money.
Always have Hope.
Good Luck.
Best Wishes for you
:-)
2006-09-13 19:03:15 · answer #10 · answered by let the speakers blow your mind 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋