If you marry your best friend and then find out they're not really your friend should you divorce them?

Answer 1

This is a trick question, once you place legal restraints on a relationship, then neither party is going to be completely honest with their partner, Without the ability to be totally honest with each other it's impossible to be "best" friends. That is why so many couples run into problems with communicating and arguing over rumors, Most wives and husbands will not tell their partner that they find "so and so" attractive and would want to have sex with them, but wouldn't hesitate to tell someone they could openly communicate with and not fear reprisals. Therefore in my opinion, the act of marriage itself destroys friendship as soon as you say " I do". Remember, marriage is the leading cause for divorce!

Answer 2

U can be married to your best friend but when u are arguing, u won't feel like he's your best friend at the moment, would u? I would have to say: Stick it out and both of u put in all the effort to work on your marriage because a real friend don't let their friend get a divorce...lol.

Answer 3

I married my best friend and some days do feel like hes not my friend. If you both want it to work then do whatever it takes to make it work. If only one person wants it to work then it'll never work and if I was you then yes I would get a divorce. I would give it a really good try and think about everything before you make your final decision

Answer 4

First of all you needed to know if he is your best friend. Does he help you when needed? Does he let you cry on his shoulder when you need someone. Always talk things out. And if you need a cooling off time, go get your hair done or a massage. Time does heal wounds..

Answer 5

I think for you it will all work out just give it some time for some people time is all it takes! : )
If you want it to work out and you both give it 100% your marrage and best of all your friendship wont fail you! : )

Answer 6

DO you love them? Is this just an argument? More info needed? How did they stop being your friend?

Answer 7

stay married

Answer 8

Is this husband aka "best friend" abusive in any fashion or on drugs, or committed some form of fraud during the wedding process such as lying about a current marriage not yet attained freedom from, or age, such as not legal after all? Or is it just that the changes so normal when any relationship under goes a drastic change of form causing distress?

Listen, I too, as one other respondant said, do not know if this is regarding you, a friend, (no pun intended) or just an abstraction. I will go on as though this is you or somebody you know. So, are you aware that when you make a transition such as marriage to one who once was only a friend, there will be a period of change, upheaval, unsettledness, even uneasiness to get through. There are also other issues to deal with, but we will stick to the basics here.

When we realize we have romantic feelings for a friend changes have already occurred. The very fact of those romantic feelings have changed the entire shape, focus, and entity of the relationship. Once it was a platonic friendship, one where love existed yet a pale form when compared to a romantic love which leads to a long term relationship with a deeply bonded love. It all begins with that little flutter when you are in the presense of this friend, a feeling never there before. This brings out a deeper awareness of the individual not experianced before either. You already like, possibly love the person, so it may seem such a small change has occurred. This is a very erroneous assumption, one which can lead to deep misunderstandings, and even dismay, frustration, disapointment, and ultimatly confusion on whether or not this was the right action to take.

Those initial different responses to the friend leads to an intense desire to "get to know" the person on a deeper level than ever before. However, due to the fact this starts out as infatuation, those long deep conversations where you are "getting to know" the other better, is deeply colored by what is well known and rightfully so, "rose colored glasses". You are looking at your new infatuation through eyes which only "see" a rosey glowing around all the person says and does, also reading into all that is said that which you wish to read into those words spoken by that oh so cute and kissable mouth. You are literally panting to kiss those sexy lips, and so much more, so you have to throw intense physical attraction which lends it own degree of mental confusion as well as mounting sexual frustrations. So, to put it mildly, the brain is just not functioning at peak performance. Do we agree? I would hope so. :-)

Now, as the hormones and juices are flowing, the glow intensifying as the attraction increases, and all the other says and does is just so perfect, so achingly perfect, we feel such a connection, understood in a way we haven't felt in years if ever, and the sexual attraction intesifys dramatically, our hearts are beating faster, our pulses are racing each time we encouter this friend and we are wondering how we ever did not see what we see in this person now. How is it possible we did not see how perfect this person is, how absolutly, delightfully perfect, and we feel our love change, grow deeper, and we want that person with all of our being, all of our soul, can't imagine life without this person in it. The perfect fit, the complete understanding, the finishing of each others sentences, the utter shear beauty of this gift is amazing, uplifting, and totally desirable, and most of all it is attainable.

We are so infatuated, so attracted, so amazingly happy we leap to the conclusion that as we are already friends then a relationship will be a peice of cake, a walk in the park, a long glorious sunset, or sunrise whichever you prefer. How could it possibly be any easier? We are already friends, and isn't friendship the first and best foundation on which to base a relationship? Isn't it true that as we got along so famously as friends already this romantic shift will be, should be, a simple and easy transition into the most amazing relationship ever?

It would seem so, but I am sorry to have to say all that is just not true. While friendship is a good solid base for any romantic relationship, and should be maintained throughout the entire relationship if a long term on is the goal, it is not going to be easy at all.

There is much work to do in any relationship to sustain it in health and vitality, to deepen the bond, to grow and nurture it into the lovely entity you envisioned at the beginning. That was the beginning too. The beginning is the easy part, the funnest part, which is why the honeymoon is so fun, and we have the saying "The honeymoon is over" when we have our first fight as a married couple. What really is happening is the rose colored glasses are coming off, reality of living together is setting in, and all the conflict of two very seperate individuals attempting to live under one roof is hitting our nerves with the force of a jack hammer.

This is where the work comes in and let me tell you this work is well worth it. If anyone is able to sustain a marriage past the end of infatuation, past the end of the rose colored glasses, past the first fights, past the first four to seven years, then what you wind up with is something so beautiful it makes angels weep. There simply is nothing better than a healthy, happy, nurturing, deeply bonded love between a man and a woman.

However, getting there can also be part of the fun. The fun of exploring who each person really is, warts and all. Of finding out we are loved warts and all, that we can just be who we are and are safe in the shelter of our loved ones arms. When the world is throwing darts at us we know if we can just get home without crashing the car or murdering our tormenters we will have solace from the storms of life, soft arms around us in comfort and understanding, of love wrapped all around us and we are simply home and loved and we love back. Unconditionally, completely, utterly loved warts and all.

So, now the rose colored glasses have come off, the reality of living life in a small or medium sized home with a completely seperate person with his/her own challenges, personality, quirks, foibles, and all, and we want to throw in the towel. How weak is this I ask you? How short sighted, and terriably immature. I am not accusing anyone of anything horrid, or of being a bad person. I am just stating that relationships take work, hard work, nurturing, and cherishing or unconditional love and acceptance of each other. We don't get to this point in one day, one week, one month, one year, or two years, but gradually over time as we laugh together, cry together, fight together, and find a way to get along, to find peace, to make amends, to say we are sorry, to be the hero if need be and bite the bullet, put aside pride, and make the first move regardless of who is right and who is wrong.

Why does one need to be right and one need to be wrong? If we win a fight, then the other is a loser, right? Is it a loving thing to make the one we say we love a loser? Why not just agree to disagree and fake it till you make it and it no longer matters who is right or who is wrong, as you are simply loving each other and do not wish to wound one another? Why not honor our vows and love for the sake of love.

Many make the mistake of thinking our spouses should or could read our minds and could or should know what our needs are even perhaps before we know ourselves, that when our spouses fail to do so somthing is wrong, we are not loved, not really. Then we also make the mistake of not talking about it, it being whatever it is we need, or whatever the argument was about, (making up is fun to do, this is true, but it is not worth it if we just push the issue under the carpet and have it come back to bite us in our butts) or whatever issue we are having. Communication is key to a healthy and sustainable relationship. We must understand it takes hard work, a willingness to make comprimises, to meet our partner half way, to even put our own needs on the back burner at times in order to keep the marriage entity alive. What is wrong with placing the needs of our spouse first when s/he needs us if it will keep something special alive. Where is the harm in making sacrifices for the sake of the marriage. Pride is indeed a great harbinger of grief and tribulation in all aspects of life. Pride will damn us before we even know we have boarded up our hearts, hardened them against the one person we need to lay it bare to.

Yes relationships are beautiful, yet they can also be very painfull, however the pain has a medication and that is communication, understanding, compassion, compromise, and the simple act of loving another without reservations. When the work gets hard it is time to roll up your sleeves. Nothing good comes easy. That statement or saying which ever we wish to refer to it as is the simple truth. Nothing worth having ever comes easy. Nothing we value comes without hard work and sacrifice. If we value the person we marry, the person we took vows with, the person we wish to live out our lives with, we will do what is neccassary to work things out, to bring about reconcilation. Even if this means putting aside our own pride and being the hero. Each partner takes turns at being the hero of the relationship. It is a balancing act which should never have a score kept. We all have our talents, are contributions, are skills, and they will balance out in the long run.

So, should a person who married her/his friend leave said spouse if/when it is discovered the spouse is not a friend after all? Absolutely, emphatically not!!! Role up the sleeves, put aside pride, and get ready for the hard work of learning how to get the freindship back on tract and the marriage will follow. Now, please understand that a friendship between spouses is far different than that between two platonic friends. It is much more. As such it is worthwhile to save, to cultivate, to find the way to achieve the achievable if you work at it. Communication, campassion, understanding, compromise, and unconditional love, warts and all is attainable, yet it requires daily bouts of nurturing, or work, or patience, of tolerance, and last but not least kindness, loyalty, and integrity.

This was a great question and I thank you for asking it. I really find this issue one of high worth, one which we should all keep a close eye on as it is so deeply important in getting our divorce rate down, and create our marriages on a solid, healthy, and vital foundation. Have a great day!