after about 6 months seperation, even though we live in the same house, I'm hoping that my wife will be my love and wife again, after 18 years and 2 lovely children, the marriage went stale, she wanted her freedom, so I let her have it, I left her a post it today asking if she would go on a date with me next week, I've had no answer yet, but she has just came home from the pub and said goodnight, the first time she has really said anything and ment it in months, I don't want to give up on her, she's my life, I need help not to **** it up, excite her but not pressure her, please please help.
2006-09-13 11:43:46 · 18 answers · asked by saxons_uk 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
U R a pathetic dweeb
2006-09-13 11:47:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 4⤋
Wait, so you're separated but live in the same house? What do you guys do, bring home people and sleep in separate beds? That's the weirdest thing.
And you say this: but she has just came home from the pub and said goodnight, the first time she has really said anything and ment it in months.
So she said goodnight and she meant it? Dude, you are way too hung up! It sounds like she's using you to stay in your home and she'll come back to you whenever she's done having her fun. If you're content with that - having her run around on you, then come back to you and want your affection - then you deserve it.
2006-09-13 18:47:08 · answer #2 · answered by kimilou2001 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then dont. Act on impulse as the human mind has a way of talking us out of things that might have been good for us but then we start with the what ifs and so forth. Be the guy she fell in love with 18 years ago. Hes still inside you but you will have to dig deep to uncover him, but he definitely is still there. When you do find him wake him up!. Do the little things that you did for her then now. Use your imagination to come up with new ideas. But going back to the old school never hurts and mix it up with a little of the new school and youre on your way. When your marriage went stale, she probably was hoping for the guy she once knew, but you had no idea he was still around. Dont be afraid to try old or new things. Remember, if you want something youll take a risk, but if you want something bad enough, youre willing to risk it all. Good luck
2006-09-13 19:01:20 · answer #3 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why not tell your wife how much you love her and suggest that you give it another go. Ask her if she would be willing to go to marriage counseling with you. Remember the way you pursued her before your marriage and do it again. That is usually the reason why women leave, we start feeling unloved and taken for granted. Maybe take her out on some romantic dates. Arrange for someone to take the children and take her away for the weekend. Have dinner ready when she comes home, maybe have a warm bath waiting for her. Have the house clean. trust me women appreciate the small things in life it gives proof of how much you love us. Best wishes
2006-09-13 18:52:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been married for 20 years,and also have 2 beautiful children.I know and understand what your wife is going through right now.She feels like her life is passing her by,and she's trying to recapture some of the freedoms and excitement she had before she got married.She's feeling like something is lacking in her life,and she's struggling to find whatever it is. Little does she know that she already has it at home.,but she will realize that one day. Although I haven't gone pubbing and such,I've experienced what she's feeling,and I've been tempted to do the same as your wife,but my husband wouldn't be as understanding as you are. Besides,I thought long and hard about it,and realized none of it was worth giving up my family for.I believe she will come to that same conclusion when she's ready.
In the meantime,although gifts are nice,that's not what will change her mind.And letting her stay at the house while she continues with her life without you is just making it too easy for her.She's having her cake and eating it too.
After 10 years into our marriage,my husband did this,too. He wanted to go out and party all the time and just do his own thing,but he wanted to stay living with me while he did it.I couldn't accept that,and told him if he wanted to do these things,he had to leave.It would have been just too much for me wondering what he'd been doing,and who he'd been doing it with,not to mention he wanted to bring lady"friends" home with him.After 3 months,he finally did call and ask if he could come home.He had realized he already had all he needed at home,and that the grass wasn't greener on the other side.It's a long story,but 10 years later,we're still together and he has never done anything to hurt me again.We were lucky. We were able to work it all out,but it took months for me to be able to fully trust him again.
Like I said before,gifts are nice,but what she really needs is time. If you are willing to continue with the arrangement you have now,although I don't necessarily agree with it,I believe at some point she will miss the love and closeness you've shared,and will be willing to once again settle down with you.Until then,you will be in my thoughts. As someone who has been in your situation to a certain degree,I sympathize with you,and I wish you all the happiness in the world with your wife.
2006-09-13 20:12:49 · answer #5 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think first you need to figure out why your marriage went stale. Did she think that you didn't care about her any longer? If she did, tell her that you love her and can't imagine your life without her. Show her how you care, take her out on a date, get dressed up for her and bring her flowers. Did she feel not appreciated? Then tell her how you appreciated everything she did for you. Do some things for her. Cook dinner for her, do her laundry etc. Was she not allowed to have friends and get out of the house occasionally without you? You are already allowing her to get out and go to the pub. What caused her to want her freedom? If she will go for it, you both should be in marriage counseling to find out how you can make your marriage work again. I wish you the best of luck!
2006-09-13 19:06:20 · answer #6 · answered by cee cee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you're on the right track. The post it date request was cute. I don't know what made your marriage go stale but it seems like you're still in love with her so I suggest making sure she still knows that without being pushy since she did ask for some freedom. After 18 years, I wouldn't give up either. Just know that after all this.........she may love you but not still be in love with you and that's another jump ya'll may have to hurdle in the future.
2006-09-13 18:49:19 · answer #7 · answered by justjerra_2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that must be hard living in the same house during a separation.
I would sit her down and have a long talk with her- tell her everything you put here, that she is your life and you don't want to mess things up. Tell her you will do whatever it takes to put excitement back into the marriage. And then- give her space. Allow everything to sink in and allow her to make her own decisions without you interfering.
Good luck, I wish the best for the two of you!
2006-09-13 18:47:12 · answer #8 · answered by Mrs.H 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just keep doing little nice things for her here and there. The post-it was a good start. She will eventually say something on her own if she cares to continue with the marriage because your efforts will impress her or repulse her. All you can do is try and take it one day at a time. Love is hard. Good luck!
2006-09-13 18:46:59 · answer #9 · answered by The Steele's 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she was at the pub,,she must be living the wild side again,,,,if you want her back,,,you need to go back to the wild side...if she's in a pub,,she most likely has had a new sexual partner already...live on the edge awhile,,,bring home a sexual partner you both can share and enjoy life
2006-09-13 19:09:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here is a good website with a forum and there are some men on that board that are in the same situation as you. The wives kinda go through a midlife crisis but in women they have coined the term "walk away wife". Check it out and you should get alot of support there. http://divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/ubbthreads.php
.......especially in the "I need help with my marital problems" Thread. There are ALOT of men in there.
2006-09-13 19:03:04 · answer #11 · answered by Sillygirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋