Ever since my boyfriend and I have moved in together, my Mother wants to monopolize my time by asking me to run errands for her when he and I want our private time or I am booked solid for a while. She has been telling other family members that I am rude and disrespectful if I dont come running when she calls. Some believe her but most dont and tell her to lay off and let me have my life. She is disabled and plays this card constantly. I dont mind helping her but if she cant understand that I cant be at beck and call, I'm at a loss. I do have a brother who lives with her and he should be doing most of the work for her as he is her choreworker now, this is a title I held for 4 years. I dont even get credit for doing that for her! Its mindnumbingly maddening.
If I dont help her then I'm wrong, but if I do its never enough. My boyfriend is starting to get angry at my time spent away, its putting a strain on "us".
Should I continue to jeopardize my relationship for her bull?
2006-09-13 11:00:27 · 4 answers · asked by ♥♥♥ Pink ♥♥♥ 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You mom is probably feeling lonely and anxious because you're gone. You mentioned that your brother still lives at home but it's probably easier for her to relate to you because you're a girl. You need to set boundaries with your mom. Let her know that you love her and want to spend time with her and will always be there for her if she really needs you but she also needs to understand that you're entitled to a life of your own and she needs to respect your life as well. Not so sure what to tell you about the boyfriend - if he's upset about you being pulled away because he hates to see you manipulated that's understandle. He should support you and want to protect you in that way. If it's because he feels like imposing on his life and doesn't understand that you have family obligations it could mean trouble. Maybe try to get him involved - bring him with you if you're running errands for your mom or visiting with her. Maybe if he feels like he's part of it he'll be more understanding. Your mom probably won't want him around all the time so could that work to your benefit too - she might not call as much :-)
2006-09-13 11:10:04 · answer #1 · answered by sunssecret 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've been in a similar situation. The strain between a mate and your family is tough to balance. Basically, I think you need to let your mom know that you are grown and you have your own life now. But don't make it seem like you want to cut off all ties, just let her know that you need some space and freedom. Also, assure you boyfriend to be patient because the situation won't improve overnight. Good luck!
2006-09-13 11:05:42 · answer #2 · answered by chocolate-drop 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know you mean , i've been there done that and it is hard to deal with at times but she is your mother and she has given you all her life [ until now and your 4 years] for you . my mother is gone now and i do feel i could have given her more of my time and ability's , i was lucky my g/f at the time was good about it ,as your b/f should be , cus she won't be arould for ever
2006-09-13 11:18:43 · answer #3 · answered by wilco254 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just reassure her that you will always be there for her but you need to spend time with your boyfriend. That you always be her daughter and you will always love her. I think she just misses you.Can also set aside a special day for just you and her once or twice a month.
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2006-09-13 11:05:54 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋