I need to know what to do and how to deal here.
Ok my g/f left her husband for me 4 years ago.I am her first woman,some of her kids went to dad's the others stayed with her.
None of the kids liked it,and the thing is now we have all the kids,and they still can't accept the fact that their mother is with another woman.They are all trying to drive us crazy to the point that we break up.They talk back to their mother awful,have no respect for her,and it really hurts me cause i love her.
I am not trying to be their dad-but would like to atleast be their friend.
I was close to the oldest til some come back-now he's turned against me.
someone please help here if you have been through this and how you dealt with it.
I don't want us to split up-but the kids want that so bad.She loves her kids and don't wanta hurt them-but at the same time loves me too. Neither one of us has any answers.
2006-09-13 10:54:26 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
To rudecat- i didn't do anything-she came to me.I told her girl you've got a husband and kids-she told me i can have him out tonight.He was very mean to her-she called the law and had him toated away.
2006-09-13 13:39:18 · update #1
well, in the big picture, the kids are gonna grow up and leave her to pursue their own lives--so don't let the kids make her give up her love and who she is. sure, they are probably being fueled by their dad's resentment. but i think they are using the 'gay' card as a way of rationalizing their bad behavior--kids, especially teens will commit emotional manipulation (or terrorism) in order to take themselves off of the hot seat. she really has to call a family meeting and lay down the law and stick to it. after 4 years, you have every right to consider yourself an active parent in their lives and be respected.
2006-09-13 12:07:17 · answer #1 · answered by Eos 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would like to know how old the kids were before I answer. But...
Who you are makes no difference to their ill discipline. Their mother needs to set some house rules without delay. Tell them this is how its going to be, if you don't like it then you must respect it; if you can't respect it then you will have to go live with your father (this is what I'd be saying if they were all teens, not little kids).
You need to stay removed from it as much as you can I would think.
But after she's laid the rules maybe you should have a big group discussion where they can vent their feelings a bit. You won't like what they say but at least it will open up a dialogue.
That's just my opinion. It's an icky situation and I do feel for you both.
But if you've seen The Sound of Music, kids think acting like little poops will let them have their own way. Persevere, and soon you'll be singing Doe, a Deer with them!!!!
2006-09-13 20:13:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Some others on here suggest counseling and I gotta agree. Divorce is tough on everybody and it's hardest on the kids. Their issues may have less to do with you than with the reality that their parents split. The only thing I'd add is that you look for a couples counselor that also works with the whole family. Good luck!
2006-09-13 19:12:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Find an agency that provides counseling for this situation. Often the spouse is the one planting the evil seed because they got dumped. Also try to understand what is going on with the kids, parents divorce, the dad probably played the victim, new environment and new parent. You will be tested. Seek counseling to work out the situation.
2006-09-13 18:43:58 · answer #4 · answered by cj 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Much helpful and practical advice here.
I can say this for counseling: once you get going and are able to take turns sharing feelings, asking questions, making accusations (communication can be a really big, wide open thing), and having meltdowns, the reward is felt. There is a Safe Arena for getting on with the matter of life, or rather, the snags that hang us up in life. I laughed at myself once, when at home I got angry at my child, and I blurted out (not, "you piss me off!", not "I'm gonna' make you sorry!"), but "I'M TELLIN' SOandSO ! !" To hear what I had spit out sounded so childish and funny at first, as if counselor was going to dish out some punishment, like a parent relating to siblings. But then I realised, what I intended was that the dynamics of our communication (the dysfunction of it) was gonna' be loosened apart so we could understand a better way of relating to each other, with each one maintaining their sense of dignity and due respect. We'll renew our attention (yet again) and agreement that only one of us is the final decision-maker when there are disagreements (and they are a-plenty) between us. And the beat goes on.
Best wishes for resolution, be as patient as you can be.
2006-09-13 20:45:00 · answer #5 · answered by Zeera 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hit them in the butt. Honestly. A good spanking. "Dont talk back". That is the lesson. It doesnt matter if they respect your relationship with each other or not. They are the kids and they must accept that it is the current reality. They should be allowed their oponions, but they need to be respectfull with those opinions period.
Family counsling may be a good option as well.
2006-09-13 20:42:08 · answer #6 · answered by aiji.tenchijin 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Best advice I can give you my friend. Get a help from a professional Psychologe, social worker. Someone that see's outside the box. That can help you and your partner see what there is going on. Only than can you two live happy together. Good luck.
2006-09-13 17:59:26 · answer #7 · answered by angelikabertrand64 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have your g/f sit down with them, and ask them if they would be happier if "mom wasn't happy"....
I really don't think they want the 2 of you to slit up, I think that is just a reaction when there is not a "father figure" in the home.
It happens all the time to divorced straight women too...
2006-09-13 18:00:31 · answer #8 · answered by ilswallow 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell them that you are in charge and unless they want to live on the street to put up and shut up and have some respect for their mothers wishes
2006-09-13 19:21:30 · answer #9 · answered by n2mustaches 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it's hard for the child believe me because my mom married some other guy and i hated it and i still do it's hard to adjust maybe you should sit down and talk to them about how much you love her and want to be with her and your not trying to come in and change anything or take their mother away
2006-09-13 17:58:51 · answer #10 · answered by Ashli L 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋