I am suffering from an emotional disconnect from my husband. I handle everything in or life (kids, managing all the fianances, repairs on the house, cars, etc.) we both work and he has no problem contributing financilally, but outside of that he doesn't do anything else. He pretty much comes home and watchs t.v. We have only been married 4 years and have been together for 6 years.
The times I do plan for us to go out or do something he complains or we end up arguing. he feels and have said as long as he's paying the bills and come home every night, I should have nothing to complain about.
he never makes me feel special or appreciated. I want my marriage to last but at this rate i don't know if it will. I want more from him and I don't think he is willing to give more. Any suggestion. Can anybody relate......I'm stressed.......
2006-09-13 10:42:20 · 15 answers · asked by nxmom 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
OH girl you don't know how much I can relate, that's why I was divorced , you sure you aren't married to my ex? lol Sounds identical to him. lol All I can say is at this rate your not going to make it because it's only going to get worse. If you don't have any kids, I would get out while the getting is good.
2006-09-13 10:49:35 · answer #1 · answered by Backwoods Barbie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi it take two people to maintain a marriage or any relationship, the main key is being able to communicate with one another about stress full thing in each other life and being able to express feeling without causing any harm to one another. Maybe if your husband is willing to try this, both of you make a list of ten things that are stress full or causing problems and take 1 hour out of the day to take turns speaking about 1 thing off your list. and repeat this as your list grows. Yet try to offer one another unconditional love and be supportive to one another, try to surprise one another with something special , such as the husband take time to make a romantic dinner. If one person does not want to work out the things in a marriage it might be time to reconsider staying married, if your are going to be alone then be alone with out the additional stress and mess. One needs to fine happiness within them self and does not need confirmation from some one else to maintain happiness and contentment.
2006-09-13 19:49:46 · answer #2 · answered by soulstore 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can relate--somewhat.
Instead of you planning what to do, try asking him what he would like to do. If he says he wants to just watch TV, ask him what he's watching or what he likes watching on TV. Basically, be interested in his interests. Question and/or initiate conversation on . . . anything, really. See where and how far this could take you and him. He might even "want" to start a conversation with you, too.
Be spontaneous. My husband of 16 years loves it. His response/reaction is either truly surprised and full of hilarity, or totally questionable--which leads to conversation. Maybe that's something both of you need to keep the flame still lit.
Be a good listener--men love to talk about their day, especially about themself! Try to understand, if not, ask.
Share yourself--your events of the day, likes and/dislikes without coming off as a nagging wife.
Talk about anything . . . . I believe communication is key.
Good luck!
2006-09-13 18:10:31 · answer #3 · answered by T 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's very common. A lot of men come home and just want to watch TV or be online instead of doing stuff with their family. Almost all married women complain about not feeling appreciated or special, that's just what being married is for women. I guess if you want to be special and appreciated don't get married. I don't have suggestions just that you are not alone and almost all married women relate to that.
2006-09-13 17:47:21 · answer #4 · answered by BereaGirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
SORRY! WELL I AM NOT SURE WHAT U SHOULD DO BESIDES TRYING TO GET HIM TO HEAR U AND WANT TO SPEND TIME W/U. I NO U SHOULD NOT GO OUT AND FILL THAT VOID W/ SOMEONE ELSE. THAT WON'T HELP.
HE NEEDS TO REALIZE THERE IS MORE TO A MARRIAGE THEN HIM WORKING AND U TAKING CARE OF THE KIDS. U NEED TO TAKE CARE OF EACH OTHER U SHOULD GO OUT JUST THE TWO OF U AT LEAST ONCE A MONTH IF NOT MORE. BEST OF LUCK!
2006-09-13 17:55:03 · answer #5 · answered by ROSIE 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Communicate your feelings in a way that he would understand where you're coming from, without getting him on the defensive. A lot of men just don't realize that we women just want to be wanted, appreciated, complimented and needed and it's really a common problem because men don't speak the same language as women do. Shame.
2006-09-13 17:57:06 · answer #6 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop stressing and get to work on yourself first and then your marriage. You may not be able to change your husband but you can make changes in yourself. Start fixing yourself up and taking better care of yourself. Lose the weight, get a new hairstyle or a new outfit. Show more love to yourself.
It happens all the time, we become so devoted to our spouses or mates and we forget to love ourselves. Then we start to feel slighted when they take us for granted. Pick yourself up lady! Show em what you working with!
2006-09-13 17:59:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I know this sounds like a cliche but will he agree to counseling? The two of you need to talk and he needs to know that HE is not meeting your needs. If he really cares he will agree to some sort or compromise. I've been where you are...you need to find a solution. Good Luck
2006-09-13 17:55:46 · answer #8 · answered by Lovely &..... 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can relate. I got a divorce for that reason. He said he thought that being there was all that was needed. I would try counseling. If he wont go with you, go yourself. It might help you figure out what you need to do.
2006-09-13 17:47:02 · answer #9 · answered by Ms. Cranky 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if he has been like this for 4 years, he wont change. actually no point forcing him to change if that include alot of arguement and quarrel. you can always find your own activities if that can release your stress..... no point thinking on how to change him as it is very very difficult..
2006-09-13 22:54:35 · answer #10 · answered by ? 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋