What if I just don't know?

Question

I just don't know. 28, married, 2 kids, so unsure.........help!! I don't want to break up my marriage if I'm wrong but I don't want to stay married if I'm right. What do I do? How do I know if my feelings are real?

I got pregnant at 18, married at 20. Had thoughts of being with women since I was 25 and can't get rid of them, i think about it all the time. I just don't know if this is a product of being abused as a child and this is my way out of wanting to be with men or if my feelings are real like they feel like they are

Answer 1

Don't be so hard on yourself. Thinking about it is okay.

If I may be so bold, you're going about this all the wrong way.

Do you love your husband? Are you in love with him? Do you enjoy *being* with him? If so, then this is what you are committed to - and you'll just have to satisfy yourself with the fantasy of another woman.

If you don't love him, are not in love with him, do not enjoy *being* with him...then you might consider petitioning for a divorce and freeing yourself to experiment with women - if you then choose to.

However you feel about him, unless you unburden yourself of this concern by talking it all through with him, you might end up poisoning your relationship - secrets and lies eat away at the trust you should have for one another. It might alter your disposition and affect your relationship with your kids too.

So, for you and your family's sake, talk it out.

My very best wishes.

Answer 2

Well,first off, you need to determine how much you husband means to you. I mean are u willing to leave him just because you have an attraction to women? If you are willing to leave him i'm sure that there's more to it than that. It is totally normal to be attracted to other people when your with someone, weather it be man or women, it's still someone other than the one you are with. Now i personally don't think that past traumas lead to homosexuality. But i am no expert. I think maybe in some cases it is possible. I was sexually abused when I was younger, but in my case i don't think that had abything to do with my prefrences. I also got married young. I was 16 and had my first child at 17 and my next one at 18. Then later on a few years down the road me and my husband got back together, but after a few months, i told him how I really felt- I was no longer attracted to him and I did not love him anymore. Yes it hurt his feelings really bad. Plus I told him that I had started to be attracted to this chick. Well we split up and since i have had a few boyfriends, then i met Jennifer and she and I are happy- even with my 2 kids. With kids, you just have to be careful. But don't stay together just for the kids.(with your husband) One day they will understand and they will always love you no matter what. Maybe you should just tell your husband that you love him but you are confused and that it is not him. It's just that your not sure what u want right now. Then you can go into full details if you want to. Anyways- I really hope you find yourself and just remember that tomorrow is never promised and you should be happy.

Answer 3

be true to yourself and your husband tell him every thing before you do any thing.
having an afair and being wrong no go if you husband finds out good buy marriage
you have to concider your kids and what they would feel about mummy and daddy being together
but be true to your self
if you are unhappy being married then tell your husband to change or he is history but be true to your self
if you can get away with out the family on hoilidays /business trip
go have fun and see what you are looking for maybe it might be all you need once or twice a year if you can't do this there is other ways like threesomes and stuff but that is even harder as your husband knows everything you do if you go to far in frount of him. he will feel out of place if you do want a treesome to try out make it your husbands idea that way if you run off it is his idea not yours
good luck what ever you do

Answer 4

I know how you feel. I have Lesbian friends that went through the same things. There is a book that title is "From wedded wifes to Lesbianism: Unfortunley, I do not remember the author's name. But I think you can order it in the local book store. I would recommend you reading it. I have ton's of lesbian friends who discovered this later in their life. They are now happy. They have their children with them. So whatever you decide, it is alone your decission, that no one can take away from yuo. But it is also important that you seek counseling . First alone than with your husband. This can be best dealt with by going to a Therapist , Social Worker or Psychologe. Here you will be asked serious questions, try to find one that is gay/lesbian/bi friendly. If you have the local lavender book in your community where you live, you can find one there .

Answer 5

Sorry if I offend anyone with my answer.

My wife was (pre-me) involved in a lesbien relationship. She, like yourself, decided on her own to seek information on the subject and to possible contributing factors from her past. She got involved in a program called "living waters" founded in the eightys by an ex-homosexual man named Andrew Comiskey.

The program dealt with all the factors from her past, both spiritual and physical, that contributed to her then current relationship choices. She was eventually freed from those bonds. At the time she was a very good friend of mine and, after seeing the changes in her life, I also went through the program to glean what I could for my addiction to pornography. It changed and freed me also. We eventually got married. It has been almost ten years and we have two wonderful children.

Check out desertstreams.org for info. This is a christian based organisation but if you can get past that aspect the facts of the program are life changing. It is unreal how much our parents can unknowingly sway us one way or the other. Most critical is that issue of abbuse in a persons past. But almost equally important factors are an absent Dad (physically or just emotionally absent.) an overly dominant mother figure etc. The list goes on. Do your research I hope it helps.

Answer 6

unknown_curiousity,
I would refrain from cheating on your husband, and fulfilling your fantasy until your children are out of the house. You have apparently lost your love with your husband, I hope that he doesn't know, but maybe you two were never that close.

If you made a vow at your wedding, you are going back on it. If that doesn't matter to you, it might matter to your kids and husband.

I in all humilty, would ask you to tell yourself, "No." It would be better for those that you still care about.

I was 2 when my mother left me, and 8 when my father left me in an orphanage.

Answer 7

Are you trying to say that you might have made a mistake at an early age or having problems with your husband that is contributing to your doubts on happiness? Then I would talk to him and not to worry. If you love your hubby and kids but, you are confused you really do need to talk to him or a friend of yours. I wish you all the luck in the world!

Answer 8

hi, before i answer . i'would like to say lets take this marriage as a formla= hasband+wife+ 2 lovely kids. who gona pay the price for your next desion. as mom you have to consider your kids future, and from here you start. from the love you have in your hearts for your kids.

Answer 9

First things first...

Counseling.

You are not going to be able to make ANY decisions until you take the time to deal with what happened in your past.

Answer 10

Talk to your husband about your feelings. If he's open minded, he may be okay with you experimenting. If he's completely against it, you have to let him know that you are conflicting with yourself inside and not very happy about being unsure.