married women do you think that a wife should give her check to her husband?

Question

my husband of 3mo. thinks that there should only be one person in conrol of the income mine and his i have three older children that are not his but he has helped me raise for 17years we have one together he is 7 know i work out of the house 8 hours a day he also works 8 hours anite and dose interperting at the courts in the days so i my daughter recently has recived ssi for cancer and he wonts to be in control over that money also if he buy me something out of his money i usual have to pay it back or i,ll hear i took u out to dinner i asked him for gas money why did i do that he,s like i should not have to ask him for money if i did not give him my check first of all the ssi has nothing to do with him and second i have to pay $200 a monuth for child care for our son and still take care of my other two teens who if anyone has any knows there cloths and shoes are not cheap and help with the morage and house hold bills i make $10 dollars an hour he makes $12 and interpenters make good mo

Answer 1

Okay, there's this epistle in the Bible that exhorts women to submit to their husbands. A lot of people know and glom on to that part. But the very next exhortation is that the husband is supposed to put the woman's welfare first. He gets the power over her, and in exchange he has to assume complete responsibility for her well-being.

If you've got a man like that, who is genuinely doing his best to do right by you and *all* the children in the house, then that kind of setup might work. Even so, most couples I know who arrange their finances like that tend to give the non-controlling spouse an "allowance" which is theirs to spend as frivolously as they please.

And personally, that kind of setup doesn't work for me. But that's just 'cause of how I am and how my husband is - not because that method is inherently wrong.

Answer 2

You have been with this man for 17 years and have not yet worked out how to share resources? Money is just another resource. Do you also track how much time each of you does doing chores and who owes whom for that? I hope not! I would assume you both bring equal resources to the marriage and that you are sharing everything (debts, burdens, resources, etc) evenly since you chose marriage.
It is ok for one person to manage the money, if that is a joint decision. We have a very traditional relationship and if we disagree on something my husband makes the final decision (that doesn't mean he always chooses his way, just that he is ultimately responsible for deciding as two people cannot always agree).
DO NOT ever put all your money (or any of it) into an account that you do not have access to. That is just dangerous. You need an opportunity to manage some money and also maintain your own credit. Many unfortunate widows have found themselves unable to get even the utilities switched to their name after a husband's death because they have no recent history of credit because their husbands handled all of that for years.
If you agree your husband should manage (not control) the money, still stay involved so that you understand the financial decisions of your household. If he does not agree that you contribute equally, you may want to seek help for your relationship. Don't let yourself be taken advantage of.

Answer 3

This is a huge red flag. First of all< the man is a control freek and belittles you buy not letting you have say in the money you work hard for. Secondly, the two of you NEVER should of married without an agreement of how you guys would deal with money & other issues concerning how to conduct your lives as husband and wife.
And him pointing out that he took you to dinner or whatever is really cheep. The guy has his thumb on you and squashing your spirit until you let him control your entire life.

It seems like getting married to this guy means life inprisionment instead of a loving partnership that is what marriage is about.

What is it about you that lets him control you?

You are not the village idiot and he needs to change or you will have to either lose yourself to live his version of life or stand up to him and make this marriage a partnership. He will become more and more controlling until you are an empty shell.

So, he has helped you for 17 years - and you have a child together and suddenly you are stunned with his behavior? Seems like marriage changed the whole thing or he has all along been a firm hand in your life making choices that were his and not a mutual thing.

It is like you stick your hand in the fire and wonder why it hurts and then you keep sticking it back in the fire, then make a commitment to be in relationship with the painful fire and wake up one day saying..Why do I keep sticking my hand in the fire??????????????????? Why does it burn me so badly? This fire controls me and I have no say in it.......oops.....you indeed have been sticking your hand in the fire. And you indeed have the right to make the choice to NOT be hurt or controlled by the fire.


(btw I have 26 years of wondering why my marriage was crashing & burning. then I realized all I had to do was get away f rom the fire)

Answer 4

Sounds like you've got a control freak. I do think that it works better when one person sits down and balances the checkbook and pays all the bills, contributes to a joint savings account, etc. But, I think that person has a duty to share the money (duh) and to let the other partner know exactly what is going on with the finances.

For example, we have one checkbook. If we were both writing checks and one of us forgot one then that could cause huge problems. So, if my husband needs a check he asks for one and I give it to him. Then, I can ask him how much it was for and for the receipt. I never tell him though that I think that he doesn't need it and that he is wasting money or anything like that.

Marriages are a partnership, not a dictatorship.

Answer 5

A marriage is an equal partnership, when two people get married they become and should act as one. That means all financial income should be put in the same account, and both partners are equally responsible for paying bills, and coming up with a family budget. Realistically, usually one of you will be better at handling the finances, but that doesn't mean that you both shouldn't be aware of what is being paid out every month. It shouldn't matter who makes more money, or who had bills and responsibilites before the marriage, you are both married now and you should both put your money together and take care of all family business. There is no his/hers and mine, there is only ours in a good healthy marriage.

Answer 6

I do believe the money made in a marriage should be put towards the family. I don't believe one person should have to have total control of the money, unless there are issues of someone only spending on themselves and not looking at the bigger picture of the family.

I don't like how he makes you have to pay him back for gas....especially if its getting you to work to make some money too for the family.

If you are a responsible spender and saver, I'd keep my own checking account and payout my own bills....like childcare, gas, work clothes, dinner out, and specific bills for the family. He needs to do the same thing. So you don't OWE him. That's not good to have to feel like that.

If you spend everything you have and aren't responsible, then maybe you need to trust his judgement with the money and work out a budget of your actual needs. Put your earnings into a Joint Account that has You AND Him on it. Then allow him to make a way for you to have access to those funds for the budgetted purposes without begging him and oweing him for it.

Finances are one thing that can strain even the best of marriages when you can't work together on a budgeted goal.

Answer 7

No, I think this is something that should have been negotiated before the wedding. Since you obviously didn't do that it needs to be negotiated now. The last thing I would do with this guy, from the sounds of it, is give him control over my money. You treat your money the same way he treats his...let him know thats the way its going to be, that you get what you give and when his attitudes about it are ready to change he can let you know and then you'll talk about the subject again. Sounds like you could be in trouble though. Did you two talk about anything have to do with real life before the wedding? If not perhaps you should negotiate them now.

Answer 8

No,No! When you are husband & wife that means your one . There is no such thing as your money & my money. It's our money.It sounds like you signed up for a life time loan with the bank. Marriage has lost what it was designed for . It's not for money reasons ,it's for love . True I think one person should manage the bills but no you don't take no one's check. Just know what you need to take care of it & live in love not money.

Answer 9

No way what century is this guy living in the 16th you are married your money should be shared. At the moment i am going to school so i depend on my Husband for any money i get i will say Honey i need money he will not ask what for or why he will just say how much and give it to me. When i graduate and make my own money i will share it with him that is one of the way a marriage works.

Answer 10

If you think that you'd be better off with him handling all your finances, then it's fine. But you should always save money for yourself. Don't give him full control of your money if you think that he will just use it for himself or for other things. You and your family's welfare should always be the priority when it comes to spending. But one thing odd, he should not ask you to pay him back when he buys something for you, you're his wife, it is his responsibility to buy you stuffs.I think it's he had more negative issues to deal with, regarding finances. Take him to a marriage counselor, so you'll know what to do best.