I shot myself in the foot perhaps early in the relationship by joking about 'never getting married again'. But since then we have moved in together and have been very happy for years. I know it sounds silly but refering to him as my 'boyfriend' is just driving me crazy!! I'm 32 and everytime, I say it I feel like I'm either back in high school or people think I'm not rooted. Besides that, the tax benefit and health insurance benefits are worth a possible $500 divorce (un romantic, I know but practical). He's very shy and had admitted that he's so happy that I suggested we move in together because it would've taken him awhile to sum up the courage. I don't want to propose to him because he is so eager to please, I'm afraid in the future I'll wonder if it was really what he wanted. How do I let him know I want to get married very SUBTLY? Besides this issue we have a very communitcative relationship.
2006-09-13 08:38:12 · 17 answers · asked by jody s 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I, too, am a divorcee who lives with my boyfriend. However, we discussed a time frame for living together and a "deadline" to decide on getting married or parting ways. Because you never had that discussion, obviously your situation is more difficult. I think the best thing for you to do is be honest about your feelings. I have always had more success with letters because I completely open up about my thoughts and emotions and once delivered, you feel like the weight of the world is lifted from you. So, convey to him your thoughts just as you have to all of us. If he wants to marry you, he will. If he doesn't , then you must make the decision of what is more important to you; calling him your husband, or simply going home to him at night. To me, you would question for the rest of your life if he genuinely wants to marry you if you are the one who proposes to him. If you tell him you want more than anything to be his wife and he takes the initiative to pop the question, there should be no doubt in your mind. I wish you the best of luck! Remember, whatever will be, will be!!
2006-09-13 09:16:19 · answer #1 · answered by ncmom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't go back so get this right now - some men do need subtle suggestion - be honest & let him know what is bothering you - his answer will either be yes or no. Put it out there for him to think about & then in a few weeks, mention it again. If time goes by & he doesn't budge, move on. sounds harsh, but there is an old saying, "why should he buy the cow when he gets the milk for free?" If there is a next time, do not move in together! It is best to let men know where you are at right from the beginning - if you have matured & changed - then let him know that too! I hope he wants to marry you - You deserve the very best!!!
2006-09-13 15:46:48 · answer #2 · answered by Forever 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My man and I have lived together for some time now. I never call him my boyfriend as he is not a boy. He is my man. I don't refer to him as my friend , even though he is, because he is more than that.
He is my MAN. I am his WOMAN. He is my partner. I am his. He is my lover, I am his.
We are NOT boyfriend and girlfriend. Silly teenage nonsense. I agree, that is just silly sounding.
If you are older, just refer to him as your man, or by his name. Simple enough.
If that is the only reason that you want to get married, then it's not reason enough.
If you want to get married to him and he hasn't asked yet, then you ask him. Who set it in stone that it is up to the man to ask. Archaic nonsense again.
It's the new millinium and we need to start changing things that are outdated and just plain silly anymore.
If you want to marry him, then ask him too. If he says yes, then it's because he wants to, not because he feels obligated to. For goodness sakes.
I have to ask, though........
If things are good between you, other than financial benefits or tax benefits, what would marriage do to make things better?
Come up to the 21st century ladies.
We are a a power to be reckoned with.
Get the old notions out of your head.
Update your thinking just as you would your computer or your clothes, or anything else that is outdated and doesn't work anymore.
J
2006-09-13 16:07:00 · answer #3 · answered by frankly2u 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can say things like:
Things are so different between us then my ex husband or
I wish I had met you back then or
I could see spending the rest of my life with you.
Hopefully that might bring up some conversation and then you can fix what you said in the beginning.
2006-09-13 15:42:28 · answer #4 · answered by JustMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Discuss it with him. It is possible to be subtle and discuss this with him -- you don't actually have to ask him to marry you. Just let him know that when you said "I'm never getting married again" you have changed your mind. This will put the ball in his court.
2006-09-13 15:45:01 · answer #5 · answered by LasVegasMomma 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should save this question and revise it and send it to him in an e-mail. The only way you are ever going to get him to pop the question is pop the question yourself. Ask him, I would like to know when the day comes when I will be your wife.
2006-09-13 15:43:04 · answer #6 · answered by skawp 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just ask him when he plans on making an honest woman out of you. At least you will have a ballpark figure.
2006-09-13 15:59:14 · answer #7 · answered by Darin S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bring marriage up and then work you way toward your question. I hope you like the outcome. Good Luck!
2006-09-13 15:42:10 · answer #8 · answered by aimstir31 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are we talking subtly, as in "buy an issue of Brides magazine and leave it lying out where he can see it" kind of subtly, or as in "buy him a ring for his birthday" kind of subtly?
2006-09-13 15:42:52 · answer #9 · answered by Katie S 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop with the intrigue already. If you want to be married tell him. If you cannot express that desire you should not be together anyway.
2006-09-13 15:56:53 · answer #10 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋