For those who are divorcing or are divorced:
At what point in your marriage did you realize that your marriage would not make it?
Did you realize you had nothing in common, was it infidelity?
How long were you married when you realized this?
I have known people who say after 5 years they knew it would end, but remained married for the kids for several more years.
I was wondering if people see the end coming way before it actually happens.
(I am happily married, but just curious)
2006-09-13 08:28:50 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am happy in my marriage, this isn't about me.
My friend who is divorcing after a year got me thinking about how this all happens.
2006-09-13 12:14:06 · update #1
I realized my first marriage wasn't going to survive when my ex-wife would choose not to communicate... she would shut me out, wouldn't talk to me, or ignore me whenever she was upset about something. She had no drive or motivation to improve herself through education, better employment, religion. She had no sense of investment... she'd rather charge onto credit cards, rather than save toward a house. She could LIE like a Persian rug and embezzle money (savings account) like the experts.
We first had a lot in common, but I believe we married too young (20) and we just grew up in different directions in goals and expectations.
I knew after 3-4 years, and she knew also, we weren't going to make it; but yes, we stayed UNDER THE SAME ROOF for our son. Once he became 16 we divorced. Even he knew that the marriage was hopeless and supported the divorce.
I wanted to go to counseling, marriage counselors, priests... I wanted to work at the marriage, but my ex was comfortable as she was and that was the extent of it.
As long as couples will communicate, listen to hear what their partner is saying, and is willing to compromise, give and take... any marriage can work out.
2006-09-13 08:40:29 · answer #1 · answered by E. Gads 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1) I knew marriage would end when I fell in love with somebody else. I had cheated periodically during the marriage and felt NO guilt about it at all.
2) Yes, my ex was unrealistic about marriage, expected me to make her "fairy tale" happy, didn't EVER want to have kids, tried to cut me off from my family and was a frigid, neurotic, alcoholic
3) After being married 5 years I saw the end coming - she didn't...
I left her gave her 2/3 of assets - best investment I ever made.
Married now 23 years could not be happier with current (and last)
wife.
2006-09-13 08:47:22 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I am 26 and have been married for 6 years, at our 4th year we just had our first baby and my husband left me cause he was in love with his co-worker......not sure if he thought or he was......anyway, we were seperated for a year and the whole time i thought he left cause he was a mommas boy..........we got back together after my son's 1st birthday and decided to save the marriage......we decided to have another baby a short time later and I was absolutely happy other than the small fights about his mom........then when i am 8 months pregnant is when i found out about the other woman through some e-mails........i was devastated, so now all the love i had for him and the motivation to make this work plummited......i am so angry at him and bitter........to me it is the worse thing to know that my husband dumped me and my newborn to pursue something with someone that was not even interested in him..........thats when i knew this marriage was over but he says he loves me and he is sorry blah blah blah.......and since my son is now so attached to him and i have a 2mo. old daughter i feel like i am stuck with him yet i know i don't love him anymore and this marriage is pretty much over.........i have to fake my feelings so that i don't cause problems and hurt my children..........
2006-09-13 08:36:42 · answer #3 · answered by Jen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My marraige isn't over just yet, but it feels like it's coming. My husband and I are going on 19 years. At year 15 I realized it went dead. I was very happy the first dozen, and then it started going downhill. I used to think we were really compatible, but came to realize we don't want the same things after all. I hate to say it but it sounds like you have a seed in your mind. Why don't you and your wife go to counseling to see how to improve your relationship,, because it takes WORK. Don't just idly sit by and let it disinitigrate. Take it from me.
2006-09-13 08:39:47 · answer #4 · answered by jenny in ohio 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was married for 7 years.
I had doubts that our marriage would last, but because we had a son, I stuck it out. I wanted to be there for my kids.
The marriage ended because of her cheating, but thats really the tip on the iceberg. She pretty much spent seven years lying to me at every turn.
I figured out I had fu*ked up after about a year, just before our son was born.
2006-09-13 08:34:39 · answer #5 · answered by ink_collector 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For me personally, I started noticing that my ex-husband would spend less and less time with me and spend more time fixing cars or kicking it with his friends and not helping me take care of the children or do anything around the house....I knew this was just the beginning but like you mentioned in your question..I thought that it wouldn't be fair to the kids and forced myself to just stay strong and hopeful that he would change...of course it never did...at least not for the better...he started getting abusive and didn't care anymore and always fought with me...sometimes in front of the kids....I knew deep down in my heart what I had to do for the sake of my children....even though it was devastating to the children I didn't need them to see me and their father like this and I knew this wasn't me...So no matter how sad it was for my children I knew that I had to end the relationship...sometimes it's just better to leave the first time when you know deep down in your heart that you have suffered and tried all you can but it's not going anywhere or not going to change....just do what your heart says....most of the time it's right....
2006-09-13 08:36:16 · answer #6 · answered by lilsweetone619 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was married 29 years The second half was horrible Long story I finally fell for someone else. There was abuse by the X...im now remarried..
2006-09-13 08:32:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm divorced and still young :) that's why i can't be as objective. i knew it from the beginning. as soon as i had the feeling that i have the option to leave. in true marriages, you never have this option somewhere in ur mind.
2006-09-13 08:33:31 · answer #8 · answered by LadyPandora 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The key is knowing you love them but don't like them.
2006-09-13 08:32:26 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because he cheated and i gave him a chance and then he cheated AGAIN so next time i cheated.
after 3 year.
nothing in common.
no kids involved.
yes you do see the end coming and it happens unless you want to try and work it out.
now after 5years i am single and happy with my new b/f .Thanks
2006-09-13 09:28:58 · answer #10 · answered by love me like me hate me 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋