I am in love with another man. I am not saying I don't love my husband, but it is a different kind of love. I respect and admire the other man - I don't my husband, he is more like a friend/brother.
I have NOT cheated. I have not disclosed how I am feeling to either party. My love currently has a girl friend (they don't live together). But, he MAY only like me as a friend. My intuition tells me otherwise though.
What do I do? Do I move out of my home to an apartment and tell my husband I am in love with someone else, or just tell him I am not fully satisfied with our relationship?
And do I live alone and pine away since the man I love is with another woman? I guess I am asking is it better to live alone without the one you truly love or instead stay with someone you love but not as deeply, who loves you for sure? This is tough.
2006-09-13 08:23:13 · 23 answers · asked by Shebaby 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you are not happy and you don't want to spend the rest of your life with your husband the right or fair thing to do is to get out! You and your husband both deserve to have "true love". If that's not what you have then why stay? Don't stay with someone just so you don't have to be alone! You won't be alon for long, there are plenty of people out there looking for love! If this man is meant for you then when you are free, it will happen.
2006-09-13 08:28:46 · answer #1 · answered by faith 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm not trying to condemn u but why does it take a bunch of strangers on this board to tell u what to do? Are u looking for some kind of validation to your feelings? If that's the case, I'll tell u that your feelings are never wrong and whatever decision u make, u will be the one who's going to live with them and by them, not us.
If this is how u feel, u at least owe it to your husband to tell him the truth. Then, u can decide what u will do from there. Do not get together with the other guy until u have made a clean break from your husband.
The problem with this is...the grass may not always be greener on the other side and when u find out it isn't, what will u do then?
Will u look back and wish that u hadn't thrown the life that u built with your husband away? All i'm saying is think about it a million times if u have to and make sure the consequences are something u can live with for the rest of your life.
2006-09-13 08:38:45 · answer #2 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your dilemma is quite simple actually, the hard part is the feelings that you will have to deal with once you break free from the problem. You are obviously not in love with your husband, because you are willing to risk loosing him.As far as your dilemma concerning the other guy, that is completely secondary and not even a concern at this point. You need to either work on your marriage, or let him go so you both can move on and find true happiness elsewhere. If you are not happy, chances are he isn't either. Before you end your marriage, you'd better make sure you've done everything possible to save your marriage, so you can walk away knowing that you gave it your all. If you have, then tell your husband that you are not happy and have decided to end your marriage. You certainly don't need to hurt him any further by telling him that you have feelings for someone else. I realize that it is always easier to leave one relationship when you have someone waiting on the side, but you need to take care of you at this time without involving anyone else. Make a mature decision and then do whatever it is that you need to do to insure that you are taken care of. Good luck.
2006-09-13 08:51:14 · answer #3 · answered by Cynthia 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have a bit of a quandary. It appears you respect and care for your husbands feelings. Maybe the relationship is based more of compatibility and friendship than being "madly in love". While the mad romance is wonderful, it rarely lasts and with any luck at all you will still have a great friend and companion that will stand the test of time once the fire dies down. My advice is to trust your heart,but heed your mind. Try not to let a few minutes of excitement ruin your life or what you may already have. After all you did choose your mate and there has to be something substantial between you two for that to have happened. Good luck and I wish you the best. DB
2006-09-13 08:48:35 · answer #4 · answered by Deborah B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are questioning your marriage, maybe it is better to risk being alone. If you do not take the risk, you may spend the rest of your life wondering "what if?". Even if you do leave your husband, and the other man rejects you, at least you tried. Life is full of hard choices, but we as humans are resilient. What may seem like the end of the world at the time, may make you a better person in the long run. Don't stay in your marriage out of convenience, it will just hurt the both of you more in the end.
2006-09-13 08:34:22 · answer #5 · answered by noambition 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not in love with this other guy. Love is based upon familiarity and time spent together. I don't know what you feel for him but it is an insult to others who realize that love takes more than longing. You have a husband who is supposed to be your love. When did that change? How did that change? You need to examine your attitude toward your life and marriage. That you can try to separate admiration,respect, friendship and brotherhood proves to me that you are very misguided. These qualities cannot be separated in people you truly love.
Perhaps you should talk to your husband and tell him you are not happy because you do not appreciate what you have and have
let your mind wander. My impression is you will never be happy until you understand and appreciate that marriage is built on friendship as well as lust.
2006-09-13 08:30:09 · answer #6 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So you take a chance with the other man. You dump your husband, who loves you. OR, you talk to your husband about your relationship and try to find common ground. The grass is not always greener on the other side, and you could find yourself alone because your husband who you hurt and dumped moved on and the boyfriend who really loves someone else has also moved on. Give your marriage a chance. It's too hard to find a good man. Sounds like you have a good man.
2006-09-13 12:30:31 · answer #7 · answered by watergirl54 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you could leave your husband, don't put him through any more pain than necessary. It is wrong to stay with someone just to have someone. Just realize what it is you are saying. I am married but I love a guy that has a girlfriend. Plus relationships that are built this way tend to be short and horrific there is no trust and they are often not what you expected so be careful
I left my boyfriend at the time to be with my ex who hadn't spoken to me in two years. But I truelly knew that it wasn't fair to keep the other guy on the sidelines like that. Especially with my heart going to somebody else. I knew I could never make him as happy as somebody who loved him fully. Just make sure you don't cheat and you should be okay whatever your decision. I hope I have helped in some way good luck. Oh and to all you about to critisize who are you to judge.
2006-09-13 08:33:08 · answer #8 · answered by SassyFras85 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you love your husband before this other man came along? Sometimes when someone else is painting a pretty picture, and the one we are with doesn't, we jump too soon. This may back fire on you, becareful. God does not reward adultry. Find out what is missing in your marriage and fix it. Your marraige is most likely fixable now, but might not be if you make the wrong choices in life. The grass is not greener on the other side. If you leave your husband and be with this other man, its just a matter of time before his picture isn't looking pretty either! Be Careful of Your Choices! They might reach up and bite you on the butt.
2006-09-13 08:56:53 · answer #9 · answered by Paulda37 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is just my opinion, I'm not condeming. But my question why did you marry your husband if you felt like that about him? And what is the real reason you don't love your husband as a husband anymore? It is hard to keep the fire buring in a relationship. You actually have to work at keeping it burning. However, if you really honestly don't want to be with him anymore, tell him you want to move on and get your own place. I hope can work things out.
2006-09-13 08:52:24 · answer #10 · answered by Susa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋