http://groups.yahoo.com/group/here4you
Help please
Controlling behavior- decides where you will go, who you
are "allowed" to see, is bossy. gives orders and expects them to be
followed, makes all the decisions in the relationship, does not
respect your opinions, wants and needs, tells you how to dress,
accuses you of things you didn't do, everything has to be his/her
way.
Isolation- through behaviors or words tries to have you all to
him/herself. Does not like you to be around anyone but him/her. Sees
friends and family as competition. Expects you to stay home alone if
you are not with him/her.
Blames others for problems- does not accept responsibility for
his/her behavior, always thinks others or the world are out to get
him/her, sees everything as anyone and everyone else's fault but
his/her own, will not hold him/herself accountable for words or
actions, always has an excuse.
2006-09-13 08:03:52 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
get out. run away. go live with your parents. he is abusive and will never get any better.
It is a sin for a husband to abuse his wife. No man should ever physically abuse his wife. Yes, it happens in many marriages, but it is a sin. I have more respect for a drug-dealer than I do for a big husband who will hit a defenseless wife. It is a wicked horrible sin!!!
"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;" -Ephesians 5:25
No man should ever mentally abuse his wife. Far more husbands are guilty of mental abuse than physical abuse, but words can at times lead to actions. A wise husband realizes that anger ALWAYS begins with WORDS, then the actions may or may not follow. Why let the process start...no angry words! Anger is one letter away from D-A-N-G-E-R. A wise husband will frequently remind himself that life is too precious to spend the remainder of his life in prison for hurting or killing his wife. No man in his right mind would ever want to hurt his wife, but anger is a relentless emotion that grips some men like cancer. No matter how hard some men try to control their tempers, they just can't seem to get control of it. Such men oftentimes end up in court before judges, others in prison. It's not a trifle matter. Your wife has every right to live under your roof without any fear of what you may do to hurt her. Cool it! Stand down! Back off! Relax!
Life can be frustrating at times. It's frustrating when a man sees beautiful women at work or in the store and then comes home to his lackluster wife who's been stuck in the house all day cleaning and cooking. It's just not fait to the wife. I don't cook, its way too much work. It takes me over an hour to cook anything. By the time you find all the things you need, cook the food, eat, and then clean up the mess...hours have passed. A lot of men don't realize just how much effort a wife puts into cooking a meal. The the husband goes ballistic because he finds a piece of hair in his meal. So what! Trust me fellas, it's just not worth it. Don't risk losing your marriage over stupid little things like a loaf of bread being left unwrapped. You'd be surprised how many husbands have snapped and gone to prison over some stupid little trifle thing the wife did. Why? because the emotions, stress, and angry feelings often build up over the years.
The wise husband let's go...he decides that he's not going to complain about such things anymore. You'd be better off letting go of all the little things that bother you, than losing your wife when she goes out the door for months. Try to eliminate potential arguments. Let your wife do things her way. Hey, go to McDonalds, or for that matter for a steak. It's not worth it. Don't pressure your wife to do her duties if it's already been years and she just won't do it. Of course, some things you'll need to help her with or make mention of, but don't complain about everything. It's very easy for husbands (especially Christian husbands who generally have more submissive wives) to be abusive. Listen guys, don't kiss a gift horse in the mouth (remember the Trojan horse story). If you have a submissive wife, then love and appreciate her before you drive her into a state of clinical depression). Give her room to make mistakes. You wife is human and does have a right to have faults you know. She has a right to have problem areas in her character, just like you do. So often, husbands expect their wives to be perfect, but they're not. We must allow our wives some understanding and sanctuary for their faults. If you're a control freak or a bully, then you will end up alone or divorced one day.
People change. I've known married couples to get divorced that I never imagined would have divorced. This is why it's even more important for you fellas to RESPECT your wives. It's all about respect. Your wife may have put up with you for the last 15 or 20 years, and then one day your receiving a summons from the local sheriff to appear in court for a divorce. Don't think your wife would ever divorce you? Listen to what my old pastor said years ago, "Anyone will do anything under the right circumstances." Believe me, time changes people. Christianity is NOT measured in months or even years, but in decades. I'll know what kind of Christian you are in 10 or 20 years from now. Oh listen you husbands, love your wives. I knew a man who told his wife that he loved her every morning, but would blow up at her nearly every day when he was about to go to work. He hated his work, but had a good paying career. He was pressured to leave for work and frustrated that he had to be there, so anything his wife did to aggravate him set him off in rage. Then he'd call her from work to see if she was still there at home (or if she had left him). What a way to live huh? The husband eventually realized that leaving for work 30 minutes early every day took much of that pressure off of his shoulders. He would read or grab a soda. You see, there's ways around problems.
If you're wife can't keep up with the house, then pay your kids to clean it. It doesn't have to be a lot of money, but it's better than fighting with the wife. If your wife loses the mail, then get a P.O. box and you check it yourself (or build a big wooden mailbox with a lock at the house). Whatever her problem area is, help her. Think! The bottom line is that God hates spousal abuse. If your wife doesn't get out much, then you watch the kids for awhile and let her get out. I knew a woman who spent so much time at home with the children that she lost her motor skills (her ability to talk and converse with other adults). She became as a little child herself and was a nervous wreck around her husband. He was busy working and burning the candle at both ends going to school, he had no idea what was happening to his wife. Years later, their marriage was on the rocks with serious problems. The wife ended up seeing multiple psychiatrist for sedatives and help. Listen men, you are responsible for your wife's well-being. She needs to get out of the house every day for a few hours (and a couple days a week for several hours). Anyone would go nuts being stuck in a house with a bunch of babies all the time. I know it's not easy, but it's our job to figure out ideas to make things work.
Learn to analyze the situation and come up with practical solutions. EVERY marriage can eliminate many of it's problems by implementing practical solutions. It's up to the husband to think up the solutions. For example: If your wife is having a hard time keeping up with the dishes, then buy paper plates and utensils. If your wife continually loses her key, then have her tie it to her shoe lace or wear it on a necklace. If your wife likes to talk on the phone, then buy a cell phone for you to reach her. I am a firm believer in practical solutions and communication in a marriage. There is no reason to argue and fight. Every argument should be followed in the days to come be an analysis of what caused the argument and how to prevent it from happening again. If you are being abusive towards your wife, it's because you either don't love her or you're stressed out. If you're stressed out, some of the tips on this page should help you a lot. If you don't love her, then get right with God and start loving her at least as a person for whom Jesus Christ died for. She has a right to be treated with respect. Remember, anyone can live with anybody if they can learn to be a nobody.
2006-09-13 08:07:01 · answer #1 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is called abuse, and no matter how many times someone can tell you that, you will stay with him, until you have had enough. He always tells you how sorry he is and you forgive, because it is easier to forgive then to fight back. You have to keep your head down so he doesn't accuse you of looking at another man. This man is unhappy with hisself, and you are getting the blame. You even believe you are to blame. But I'm hear to tell you, that you aren't the blame. But its up to you to do something about it. I would love to come in contact with him, because he would never hit you again. Trust me. When I hear of abuse it makes me outraged. Sit down with a piece of paper, and write down all the good he has done for you, then make a list of all the bad he has done to you. I'm sure the bad will out number the good, and this is where you need to take the first steps to realizing you need to stand up for yourself. Get away from him, let him know you will not stand to be mistreated that you deserve better. Along with telling yourself! Little by little put up a few dollars and don't tell him you have it, that way when you do get up the gumshine to walk out on him you will have a little security. PLEASE HEAR ME SAY- You deserve to be treated right, and be careful if and when you do break away from this man, to not follow the same pattern with another. Good luck, and would love to hear you are ok?
2006-09-13 08:34:58 · answer #2 · answered by Paulda37 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was married to someone like this for 16 years except I never got hit. Run away fast. Many people put very little importance on verbal abuse, but since he has hit you, you have an edge I didn't have. Go to a battered Womans Shelter. Get help, get away from this person. You will be amazed at how quickly your self esteem will build once you are far away from this destructive person. I will warn you it took 2 years after my divorce for my ex to leave me alone. But once you are divorced there are stalking laws.
2006-09-13 08:13:23 · answer #3 · answered by Liz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave while you can! If he loved you he would not abuse you! Seek help through your Local Law enforcement agency. Pack a bag and hide it in the bushes outside your home. When he goes out, Run and never come back!!!!! If you don't leave now you will end up dead or severely beaten! You are too special to let someone treat you like that! Be strong and Leave! Ask your family for help or email me and I will tell you who to go to!
2006-09-13 08:08:55 · answer #4 · answered by Babette S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No this isn't because you married him. It is because he has control issues. He could feel as if you are the only thing in his life he has control of and the only way to control you is by hitting you. Another thing is you are allowing him to do this. You need someone who will love you for all eternity not a jerk who thinks you are an object. So my advice to you is to leave him and if he comes after you file a restraining order. No matter how you do it....GET OUT!!!!!
2006-09-13 08:11:13 · answer #5 · answered by lovelovelyme23 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Someone like that, doesn't deserve the companionship of another person.. They are so inthrawed with themselves that they despise all around them, for foolish paranoia.. Although it may be very difficult for you, you really should leave him, and go somewhere you feel safe and secure.. And away from harm. When you feel comfortable doing so, call the crisis center in your area, and inform them of the situation.. Maybe they can help alot more then just you alone..
2006-09-13 08:23:26 · answer #6 · answered by kemosonian 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well I have been in your situation before. I kicked the crap out of the guy who hit me. If I were you I would make him go to anger management if that didnt work the next time he put his hands on me I would call the cops. Then I would presh charges on him get a restraining order and file for a divorce. No woman deserves to be hit.
2006-09-13 15:50:21 · answer #7 · answered by mindy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
W H A T!! ding -ding are you in a marriage or the www match how dare HE!! And How dare you stand for that we woman have been fighting a longgg battle to stop this sort of behavior and you are allowing someone to keep perpertrating this get HELP or get out where is you dignity and selfperserverance you only had one dad, and he Ain't it hit back or get out be strong . My heart goes out to all woman in this type of relationship.
2006-09-13 08:21:49 · answer #8 · answered by lytesdelite 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a man that dare to rise his hand to the woman he make a value in front of God it doesn't worth u ore ure tears. think..he hit u, what kind of life u will provide to a future child? he will abuse ure kid also..u should think of u and leave him. if he hit u once he wil hit u again and again til God forbid something really bad will happen to u. u don't have why to take all this ****!!!!!! u deserve a life where ure needs, ure thoughts matter to the person near u. u deserve better but is up to u and only u to take the right decision and go without looking back. ure life and ure future should come first!!!!
2006-09-13 08:24:36 · answer #9 · answered by dafneeselena 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He shouldnt hit you if he cares about you. My mom is going through the same thing with my stepdad and since shes been with him for a long time and 3yrs ago he started to be like this. Since she didnt get out of it after the 1st yr i dont think she will leave because i think she is scared to leave. But if this just started then you should get out of this asap other wise after like 3 yrs you will be wanting to but you probably wont because he will have you brain washed that everytime you are going to leave. he will probably tell you he loves you and he wont do it again.
2006-09-13 08:16:45 · answer #10 · answered by dream21 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From a guys point of view, I agree with everyone. You should leave him ASAP, and try to get some protection. It's never right for one person to hit another person, for any reason. Like others, things can get out of hand. Take care and Good Luck
2006-09-13 08:08:56 · answer #11 · answered by Buypcdirect 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋