honest answers.......what should i do about my bf..?

Question

my boyfriend of 6 1/2 years and we have a 14 month old. He has been looking at porn and has an account on www.SugarDaddyForMe.com and says he wants sex.....he might have other accounts somewhere else. i feel like i am not good enough and feel like i am nothing to him. i dont know what to do or how to react to this. i love him with all of my heart and yet he does this. he has a history for the profiles and caught his in the past of talking to girls.... what can i do? by the way i wrote a nasty letter to him on his email and he will read it. i am hurt enough not to talk to him HELP me. thanks. i apreciate it

by the way, it is a site to look for girls to have sex with, not looking a t porn

Answer 1

I'm guessing you feel hurt because of his interest in other women... which reminds you of how much you love him and want him to want you and to be interested in you. Also, you may be feeling fearful over the possibility of losing him as he is at least emotionally important to you.

A lot of people on this site will talk to you about morality and about what a bum he is and how you should dump him, but does that really get you what you want?

Men look at women, even when they have one at home. This should be permissable as long as he isn't running up outrageous credit card charges for porn. What is verboten in a committed relationship is talking too much about other women, and worst of all, touching. It's an old expression, but true, "Look, but do NOT touch!"

If you can detach from your hurt for just a second, think of this problem in terms of time. Think of how he is spending time with you; and then think of how he apparently has enough time to be scoping out other women for potential encounters online. I'm going to guess that your relationship with him has gotten bogged down with daily life, that your time with him is spent doing the ordinairy things we all do, and that he doesn't particularly feel special or even manly about it. Men tend to seek out women that make them feel attractive, powerful, and extra manly. It is really quite stupid, but true.

If what you want most is to regain his attention, to distract him and lead him away from the internet and other women, and to keep him as yours, then you need to put on your game face and give him a bigger, better offer. Let him know in no uncertain terms that whatever he is looking for out there is right here at home for him. Plan romantic evenings. Initiate sexual behavior. It might help for you to purchase some books to learn a few new tricks that will make his eyes roll up in his head with pleasure. A really fun book that my wife and I love is "The Art of Sexual Ecstacy" by Margo Anand. When he has it so good that he can't remember the last time he sat down to computer, then you can be sure you've got him, hook, line, and sinker. I know that you are quite busy with your child and what not; I'm just saying that if you really want to keep him then you are going to have to stoke the romantic fire. Is it too soon to leave the baby with grandma or someone for the weekend, so that the two of you can have a romantic getaway? Getting out of town need not be expensive, but it is always a lot of fun.

However, your big problem is that nasty email you sent. Ugh. Well, that gets the issue on the table and, since even you think it was nasty, there will probably be an argument. Get through this the best you can; and if you still want him, then do what you must to keep him. Men do tend to seek other women to feel attractive and validated as a man; you need to make him feel like a GOD. When you have filled his world with the wonder of YOU, he won't even begin to think of others. Good luck.

Answer 2

I can understand being hurt if he's talking to other girls.

I cannot, however, understand your reaction to his porn viewing. This is an adult we're talking about. I'm growing tired of people that repress sexuality and see something wrong with people that follow instincts. He's not hurting anyone by viewing this. Maybe you're not fulfilling his needs in that department, and rather than cheating on you, he's found a less invasive way to cope.

The worst thing you can do is act controlling. Give him space, understanding, and time. You can't force someone to stay with you, but you can increase your chances with him by letting go a bit. Let him know that you're aware of the things that have been going on, and tell him that you're willing to work through them. Don't judge him harshly or throw insults at him (which it appears you've done).

Answer 3

Well 98.9% of guys look at porn, and I know it sucks, but there isnt much you can do about it, unless you put a block and a password (like a kid) on that website. I think that guys look at porn, because that is a way they can look and see other girls, without cheating. Its not like he doesnt love you or think that you arent good enough. Its just that guys minds wonder, everywhere, but where they should. If you dont let him look at porn, hes probably going to do it behind your back anyways. Sorry, but some guys are just idiots!!!! I hope this helps, and good luck with your husband.

Answer 4

Porn is porn in my opinion. Men and women both look at porn at some point in their life's and some enjoy it other then others. If you are uncomfortable with your boyfriend and your relationship you shouldn't hit the ceiling about the porn issue because its just pictures. I mean would you want him looking at porn when he has needs and your not there or would you rather him go out find a ho and screw her. Pictures and physical things are very different and shouldn't be classified as cheating. If you want your boyfriend to understands your concerns you should be open with him and allow him to be open with you. Communication strengthens any relationship.

Answer 5

Honesty is the variety one key in a stable and healthy relationship. you should be soo happy that hes that honest with you, thats kinda even kute! various guyz are asses presently and their no longer honest with their gf or any opposite direction around. He loves you alot if hes to that factor the place hes completly confiding issues he wouldnt open as much as every person else. yet once you purely see him as a chum than thats a stable element becuz a relationship starts up with friendship and could continuously stay in friendship, yet once you notice him as basically like a chum buddy, than there is a few thing distinctive in which you should tell him and be honest relating to the style you sense.wish that spoke back your question. So stable luck!

Answer 6

Well, lets see. If he is looking for sex that he must be having sex. So now you need to protect yourself because whatever he is out there with he is bring it home to you. I'm sure you do love him, but you have to love yourself first. Close shop to thiis man, and if you stay with him make him go for STD tests. You have the right to know. The more a man mistreats us the more we seem to forgive, but when you have had enough, he will be the sorry one. Protect yourself. If he is not faithful to you, then whoever he is with after you will go thru the same thing. You know you are a good person, and would not do the same to him as he has done to you. God will reward you, but he'll have alot of explaiining to do. Good luck!

Answer 7

I ended a 17 year marriage with my highschool sweetheart because of porn. We had five children together. I loved him too but I could not stand another minute of this addiction. Find a good therapist for yourself so he want be able to convince you that you are inadequate and a therapist will help guide you out of this mess so that you and your child have a chance at a happy life. (without porn).

Answer 8

Looking at porn isnt harmful to a relationship unless it takes the place of you. You need to sit down and talk with him. Hopefully you will get some honest answers. If not, i would bail! He does'nt sound like the trustworthy type.

Answer 9

In this situation BLOCK, BLOCK, his ways out of yourlife if he needs to be on sites and chat with other girls, ask him to take a long walk on a short pier, get your self motivated join the gym work out as I do when upset at what I have no control and get out meet new people your just as important as he is, don't waste any more time on this just gets-ta-steppin.

Answer 10

You have 3 choices:
1. A boyfriend who cheats
2. A boyfriend who looks at porn
3. Billy Graham

You pick.