I'M PLANNING TO GET MARRIED, EVERYTHING IS GOOD FOR NOW, I UNDERSTAND THAT THE FIRST STAGES OF MARRIAGE IS CHALLENGING, BUT I HAVE A QUESTION, SHE HAS A CHILD (2YRS. OLD) ALREADY FROM SOMEONE ELSE, WHAT SHOULD I EXPECT FROM THE CHILD AND SHOULD I BE HELD RESPONSIBLE 100% FOR THE CHILD THATS NOT MINE OR WHAT? SOME GOOD TIPS AND ADVICE WOULD BE NICE.
2006-09-13 07:02:33 · 16 answers · asked by DOINK 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First of all Congrats on you up coming marriage! From my experience, the first stages are the honeymoon stages. it can last at different times for couple. then the reality hits, you both have seriously made a real commitment and you say there is a child from a previous relationship. It will be very trying on your patience with a 2 year old, especially if you don't have a child. But if you love this child pull out all the strength and love for this child. she is adjusting as well. you will get through this stage. remember no matter how much it will get on your nerves it doesn't last forever. enjoy this stage she is at a precious age. she is depending on you as her new father as far as her living under your roof. As to the question are you responsible for this child? I feel you have joined in on her life, so yes I think you are responsible in part of her up bringing. If you are marrying her mother this child will be yours. maybe not bio. but through the love you should feel and towards her mother. I will be honest it is going to take a very strong man to do what you are doing, so for that I commend you for taking this step. marriage also taking work , May God bless your marriage and I wish the three of your my best. Hope I was of some help. I've been married 13 years.
2006-09-13 08:25:34 · answer #1 · answered by RAINBOW 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi! Yes a marriage is a challenge but it is also what u make of it. It is not a me or my commitment it is a we as ONE commitment what makes her should make u and what is u should be her at all times. The worst thing one may encounter in a marriage would be a financial struggle. When there are those type of problems everything surrounding you may become complicated if u let it. But if the both of u stand strong and make sacrifices things will be fine. And yes if u love he unconditional then u will have no problem accepting the FATHER responsibilities and raise the child 100% as yours and she at the same time should respect u as being that Father 100%. To love and cherish a gift that is not biologically yours can be one of the greatest gifts u will ever know because it is a gift of pure innocence. If you had a child you would look at her to take the same role on for your child. To love is patient, kind and should be unconditional if it is true. Look inside your self and know that you can be the better man for the child and that will make u the Father they will look up to in the future. Believe me give them love and they will love u back even more tomorrow. Remember the love u have for each other and instill that love in your marriage as well as you child. Good luck and well wishes in your MARRIAGE and may yawls future be blessed and bright.
2006-09-13 07:19:00 · answer #2 · answered by nikkisativa 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Best advice, avoid expectation. When expectations aren't met that's when the problems come. Problems are going to come anyway especially with a child already in the picture and increasedly when the child is not yours. Luckily for you the child is real young so things might be better for you. I got married 7 weeks ago. My husband has an 8 year old. Things are hard. I went in with expectations and he definitely is not living up to them. He spends the majority of his free time with his son and I barely get time with him at all during the week. And, now his son is in football so now my weekends are shot too. I have a class at church on Mondays that occupy my evening and trying to find things to do Wednesdays and Fridays when him and his son are home more so I won't have to feel left out and lonely. But, like I said your future stepchild is young so you probably won't have as big a problem and being male you probably don't require as much attention anyway. And, if the child is the same sex as you that's a bonus, it allows for more things in common to bond about.
2006-09-13 08:02:20 · answer #3 · answered by Coco 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all I would find some books on step-parenting. It is quite a responsibility, especially if the child does not have a relationship with the dad. That means YOU are the Dad. I was raised by my stepdad. He was wonderful. I had two younger siblings by him and my mom. He still tells me this story today, that he looked all over the world to find the perfect daughter and then he saw me (I was one year old when they married) so he decided to ask my mom to marry him. He said I didn't get to pick those other two that came along so you were very special.
2006-09-13 07:57:08 · answer #4 · answered by lindsay 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The child is her responsibility legally... If you love the person (as I know you do, or you wouldn't be marrying her) the child is part of the package. If you feel uncomfortable with a package deal, don't marry her.
You are right, it will be trying, more so with a child involved. My advice is to always be there for both of them, reassure them both that you are there for the long haul. Show them how much you care for them both by respecting your role in their life.
Be patient, understanding, caring, and honest with them both. What the child sees in you will reflect in later years. If you show love, then you will see love. Congratulations.
2006-09-13 07:17:37 · answer #5 · answered by J j 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
what should I expect from marriage.....
what should I expect from the child.....
it's not what you expect....it's what you can give
that makes a relationship or marriage work.
It's not 50/50...it's each giving 100%.
The child COMES with the mother....
It looks like you yourself have already run into a
challenge before marriage and don't realize it.
For the childs sake...maybe you had better talk it
over with the mother now.......instead of later.
good luck
2006-09-13 08:20:53 · answer #6 · answered by Blondie B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You dumb man. what do you think. that child becomes your 100% responsibility too. You sound like a dead beat. She would be crazy to marry you. Selfish and stupid. What do you mean what should you expected from the baby? You sick dog. I'm going to have you investigated. Pervert
2006-09-13 07:09:20 · answer #7 · answered by LaLa 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
A hand of full of Pink Cotton, A Rattle Snake Bite and an Empty Bank Account.
2006-09-13 07:13:50 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
i have been married for 12 years as of 09/11 my husband has a daughter from a previous relationship. in the beginning it was hard but as the years went by i realized i have to treat her like she is mine and when i started to do that things got a lot simpler and whole lot better. we now have a relationship (me and the daughter) that is just like the relationship i have with my other two daughters. Just treat her like she is yours and do all the things for her that you would do for your own and it will work out wonderful.
good luck
2006-09-13 07:13:14 · answer #9 · answered by sharon 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For one, it's not just about her. It is about her and her child. You better love them both or it is going to be very difficult. Low expectatioins is my motto. Don't expect too much. You just have to learn to put the childs best interest first.
2006-09-13 07:42:25 · answer #10 · answered by heaven o 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋