Would it be appropriate to leave my husband?

Question

We've been married for 4 years. We have a 3 year old together and a step daughter from his previous marriage. However, during the past 4 years, he hasn't been able to keep a job long than a month. He's gotten into the nasty habit of supporting the family thru shoplifting. My credit has been ran thru the mud. I've lost a lot of respect for him and I just don't love him like I did. I don't want to do anything to hurt the kids. I found out recently that he suffers from depression. Should I be more understanding? Is it wrong to want a better life for my daughter and I? I told him that I wanted to leave and he threatened to kill himself, then the next day acted like nothing happened. I'm confused. We have fun together when we hang out. I'm just not sure if I should stay. Any good advice?

Answer 1

tell him to get off his lazy thieving *** and get a real job and man up or your leaving

Answer 2

Depression can make a person not be able to work. If there is some kind of counselling the two of you could get I would say run, not walk to it. If he doesn't want to go, you go. You can't make a person do what they don't want to do anyway, but you can do something to help yourself and your child. Having fun together is not enough to continue on in this mess. It takes two to make a relationship work. Counselling can help him see a better way or prove to you that he's not interested. Don't fall into the trap of staying because he's "says" he's gonna kill himself. That's a control trick. This shoplifting thing is dangerous to you and the children. They will catch him and what will you do? If he's willing to get the proper help you'll probably have no problem staying because your respect and love for him can return and you two can grow. But if he refuses, what can you do? You have to see about yourself because right now neither of you are doing the other any good.

Answer 3

understanding is one thing. SUFFERING is another. and being treated badly, allowing things to continue in this Negative state, is NOT healthy or productive for u, ur husband or ur children...

the thing is, u need to get him Help. therapy, communciation, helping and trying and attempting to fix the problems u have in a Positive, Healthy manner is the only way u can get thru this. staying together *just because* is not a solution..it is a bandaid. u gotta help him thru the depression. and that is not allowing his every whim, treating u badly, stealing. that is not helping him get thru anything, it is allowing his behavior to continue. encourage counseling, therapy, or try new ways to communicate and learn about each other to help lift him up, bring him up, try to be better ,more positive, optimistic...ultimately more Healthy. and when he Won't try with you, THAT is when u need to leave. for yourself, for the children. but until u've done all u could to HELP him, i think u will regret it. therefore, the more u try to help him, and he understands this, the more he can respect you as a wife, and hopefully appreciate ur help, and use that to gain some of his life back. the more responsive he is, the more he TRIES, the more respect u will have for him. u have to REINFORCE each other. u have to help him build himself up *so that* u can respect him, and he needs to accept ur help and do something *so that* he can gain your trust. that is how a relationship works w/ two people, no matter how different they are, as long as they communicate and WORK ON appreciating and buliding each other up to become better partners, then the relationshpi will grow and the Respect and Love is allowed to grow.

if something stays stagnant, or deteriorates, or gets worse, how can the relationshp stand up to the obstacles? both of u have to work at it. only when one person gives up, or is not good enough, or doesn't know how, is when separation and divorce comes into play. if he can acknowledge ur attempts to help him, and he can try along w/ you (that may be going to a therapist, etc), then u will most likely be able to find a reason to stay. but if he doesn't change, and gets worse, u are in a losing battle.

good luck, and do ur best. the more u try hard to be a Strong, Confident, Happy, Positive Woman, the more u realize what u can contribute to the relationship. when he dosen't appreciate that or work on Himself to be a Strong, Confident, Happy, Positive Man for you, that is when he is not doing his part, for u and for your children.

Answer 4

He definitely needs to see a doctor. If he suffers from depression medication can help but it does take time and understanding. Keep in mind that there is no reason to shoplift you have a child to think about. Get some counselling it will help the both of you or maybe just for yourself. Good friends are also good to have.

good luck

Answer 5

You say you do not love him like you did, and you have lost respect for him. You need to tell HIM this. If your feelings have gone past the point of no return, then leave him. You have a responsibility to your child to provide a stable home. A shoplifting father does not qualify. If you think you two may still have a chance if he straightens up, tell him he needs to get professional help or you are going to leave. If he makes threats about suicide, just tell him that only shows how badly he needs help, and you are not taking any responsibility for his actions anymore.

Answer 6

The shoplifting thing isn't the only problem you have going on. I really think you both need toget a handle on the depression thing first. That has alot to do with the way people act ,once you both understand how it afects everything in your lives and get a handle on it then you can start on the other problems. Seek pro. help soon for you and your kids sake.

Answer 7

He needs to seek medical/psychological help. Try to support this. Do research on depression, there are many symptoms and medications to help him. If he's unwilling, hit the road. Don't let his threats keep you, he's (or should be responsible for himself). Protect the girls, (involve his ex to help w/ his daughter) from his activities and inconsistent behavior.
Financially - start over - remove his name from as many things as possible, or get new credit in just your name (and keep it that way), bank accounts, too. Do not give him any access (cards, pin numbers). Consider free credit counsel (check the web, the phone book and your local churches). It's time for tough love. (or a new start). Good Luck to your family.

Answer 8

Make sure you still love him? If so, you should try to help him out of depression and try to make the relationship work with him. I know it is hard for you, but it's necessary for you to take your responsibility for your family. If you don't love him anymore, try to help him to find a counseling and then when things are getting better, you might move on your own life and also protect your children. Good Lucky and God bless you!

P.S. I have to tell you that I have been through this and my husband is in depression and he had been kill himself once, but fortunately he still alive. So, becareful, depression is very dangerous.

Answer 9

Insist that he get some counseling for the depression, shoplifting, trouble holding down a job, and manipulating you with suicide threats. If he's not interested in improving his life for the sake of his family, then maybe you should consider leaving.

Answer 10

You have given him enough time to get his act together. You have to leave him and try to get your life back on top. If he continues to shoplift he will most likely get arrested and put in jail leaving you with the kids and nothing else. If you want a better life you must leave him and a better life for your kids. you be close friends but nothing else.

Answer 11

Get him professional help and some Meds. Since you are married this does seem to fall into the "for better or for worse" clause of your wedding vows. Do your best to work it out. People can get weirded out because of depression and do things that don't really seem to be in their character. If that doesn't help ya gotta do what you gotta do.