It's not edited yet and it doesn't rhyme, but what do you think?

Question

Break hearts and dreams along the way until
A spark will go off and somebody is
Looking out to the view of
A next day, making
Promises to start some search for satisfaction that
Will someday soon come crashing down
Back into emptiness

We're a firecracker shedding sparks fading glory into the dark and
No one will remember.
Our minds get always lost in the tangled details while
The colors are being stripped of their every pigment, we think they
Look brighter to our eyes;
We're losing a battle we didn't know to fight.
Another year or so, what's it gonna do?
We're watching the photographs again.
Asking questions we know we'll never know
The answers to

A twist a turn, we're coming back down the childhood street
past our old house
But we're not allowed in,
We're not going home again.

Fly to another city and wonder what you'll find
Fantasize over what you want and slowly lose your mind.
Tear drops on photo album pages and the
Ink is smearing with apologies flooding your head
Clearing threads of thought and paths of- not
Knowing where to start,
But anyway, we're too late for Hoping
to be welcomed back in to the arms of the ones
We loved and left, so long ago.
Remember their names?

To make amends, you need a sunrise again.
You're reaching with your hands full.
You know you're going to fall.
You needed to get away.
But once you did, well,
Now you're staring at all the dead things wishing
Your memory would live.

Again the air is turning and we're
Losing time, wandering through the orchard of pain.
Growing younger and going crazy,
trying to free ourselves from these old ties.
Yes, we're losing our minds.

Our eyes in our mind are seeing the past;
The blood or the scars?
and the dust-covered everything.
We're making wishes on burnt-out stars.
We wandered way too far.
But we couldn't stay where we are
All the sparks are fading now.
The glow is burning out.

We fell to the ground, feeling nothing all around.
Reasoning what to try,
what to lose,
And saying goodbyes.
As it ignites and falls to ashes, more dust to cloud our eyes.

Take it in our stride,
For the ride of our life
Everything we know will someday be our past
And because of our desires will all
Fall to ash.
-Emily W.

Answer 1

Shows lots of talent (I am an English teacher). Only problem is that you change from present tense to past tense and back again. Don't do that. Otherwise, no sh it, it is very very good.

Answer 2

The rhyming is not a problem (it does have some internal rhyming and, more important, a coherent cadence), but I think you are right, it needs some editing. From what you have written, you are completely capable of doing the editing it needs. Potentially, I think it is on the edge of being very good. (Watch out for "not going home again" - it's close cousin has been used)

Answer 3

Where's the law that says poetry has to rhyme? I think it looks great as it is, but feel free to make it simpler -- after all, this poem is an expression of YOUR thought. Contrary to what you hear in school, there are no hard and fast rules for poetry besides what you hear for writing a story -- begin, tell the story, and stop. Good luck to you!

Answer 4

I hit dis n*gga in the head with an orange from 30 miles Nobody has more range than me plus i taught Wu Tang Tiger style. -Savage Cap, from his hit single "Greatest Rapper Known To Mankind Son"

Answer 5

I agree with the English teacher re: the past/present tense, but I do like it... keep it up!!