Hi, I am not living in the past,and I am now seeing a therapist, but I still have very strong feeling for my ex. My ex & I have talked and while we both agree that we love each other, he & I have moved on to others. I have been honest with my spouse and I thought these feelings were gone but they are not. I'm not trying to cheat that's why I have been honest and my spouse has encourage me to see a therapist and he says that I loved a person that did not deserve my love. My ex-spouse cheated on me and he was verbally abusive, while I know that's not a positive relationship, I still love him. I know many of you would think I am being stupid, but I have prayed and I have asked for these emotions to go away, but they haven't, any advice will be greatly appreciated. And no I am not talking to my ex, we had a talked about a year ago and my spouse knew about it. I have a good spouse and I don't want to ruin it, but I don't love him the same and I know that's not right. I just need help!
2006-09-13 05:26:24 · 15 answers · asked by Fe-Fe 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thanks for way too much information! Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move on.
2006-09-13 05:29:08 · answer #1 · answered by Zelda 6 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Well I wouldn't worry so much about the fact that you have the feelings as much as why you have them. Of course it's natural to have some feelings for our exes but not strong ones. Your doing the right thing in seeing a therapist. The therapist will be able to help you figure out why you emotionally hold onto a person that was abusive and cheated on you. The husband you have now is a great man. The fact that he loves you enough to want to help you through this should tell you that. That's alot more than your ex ever did for you.
2006-09-13 05:35:11 · answer #2 · answered by deniver2003 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I regret to tell you that you will probably never get over it. That's the point behind love: it's something real and true and concrete and--at least with pure love--everlasting; it's just the way it is that once you have given your heart to someone, they are with you forever.
What you need to do is find a way to live with that. Time will drive his memory from your mind, but the cruel trick behind that is the second you do recall him you will recall every single strong feeling you had for him--love never goes away. You must find something or someone else to love--your spouse seems like a fitting candidate, you must feel your life with good memories, you must move on--if only by going out with your friends more often or spending more time with your spouse. By doing this, when you do recall those feelings you have for your ex, they won't be so bad because you have some pretty great feelings going on in the here and now.
It's not easy being human; no one will ever pretend that it is. I regret that you had such a hard time, but it will get better; I promise you.
I hope that helps.
2006-09-13 05:47:32 · answer #3 · answered by hotstepper2100 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think this is a very valid question and that there are many people out there who feel lie this so don't feel bad about that. Going to therapy is a great step. It's tough to be with someone for a long time who is verbally abusive and cheats on you...especially if you try to make yourself look past those things and still try to love him. You probably feel like you put a lot of work into that previous relationship and my guess is that maybe it was a little more exciting for you than your current relationship. But there must have been a lot of hurt too. Is there anything in your current relationship that you would change? Maybe you could try to spice up this relationship to make it more exciting.
I have a great husband who I know loves me more than anything and sometimes I get sad for no reason because I feel like I don't deserve to have him and to be happy with him. It's hard. But you do deserve to be happy!!! So focus on your current husband and try to make that more exciting for you!!!
2006-09-13 05:43:51 · answer #4 · answered by hideemosquito 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how you are feeling. Sounds like this is not an uncommon situation to be in, huh?! I can relate to you in the way that I too still love my ex and am in a relationship with a very great guy who treats me better than my ex ever did. He cheated on me and talked down to me all of the time. I have come to terms with the fact that I will always have a special place in my heart for him, and while I do not love my current b/f in quite the same way, I appreciate our relationship for what it is. Try to understand that it feels different because it is with someone different. Focus on what you can do to better what you have and always remind yourself: There is a reason that he is your ex. We tend to remember the good things about our past loves, rather than the reason they became ex's in the first place. Good luck to you!
2006-09-13 05:35:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you, and in no way think you are stupid. Obviously you have been through things in your life which have caused you to be feeling the way you do. Continue seeing your therapist and understand that this will take time. The abuse you have undergone in your life (and I believe it started before your ex) has caused you to lose your self esteem. I pray that you are totally honest with your therapist about everything that has happened to you, not in just your relationship, but in your life. You need to start understanding why you are in love with a man that was abusive and unfaithful. You need to believe you deserve better and can have better.
2006-09-13 05:49:25 · answer #6 · answered by kandekizzez 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is always normal to love an ex. You were deeply involved with each other for quite some time. Loving is never wrong. There are lots of ways to express this love without "cheating." The first is to love yourself first and foremost. It seems you have done this by caring enough for yourself to get out of a difficult relationship and finding a good one. Loving does not mean that you will ever have a good relationship. This is evident from your past.
I suggest that you continue to acknowledge your love and be grateful for it. Also, acknowledge your love for yourself and your spouse and be grateful for it. Focus on the relatioship you have with someone who is great to be in relationship with.
God bless.
2006-09-13 05:32:30 · answer #7 · answered by Brent 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok Girl,
Here it is. I feel you need to realize what you Loved so much about your ex. If it was his passion for you or his constant attention to you.
He has some kind of emotional hold on you. If you can rationalize your emotional connection to your ex then maybe you can deal with that and move on. Try to get in touch with that connection you feel he still has on you and then explain that to your therapist and maybe he can help you let it go.
Good Luck Girl and God Bless
2006-09-13 06:12:03 · answer #8 · answered by lockerroomattendant 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand what you are feeling. And I found that I will always love my ex, but never want to be with him again. The love that you have for your current husband is different because you are more mature now and you don't feel the same emotions as you did the first time. That is normal believe me. You just need to accept it.
2006-09-13 05:39:42 · answer #9 · answered by Ellyn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its because of the way your ex treated you. Doesn't make a lick of sense. And there will always be a small pull, no matter how much you don't actually want to be with him. I wish someone could explain the phenomenon to me, cuz I really don't understand it myself. But i thought I should let you know you're not alone, and there's other people who have been or are going through, the same thing.
2006-09-13 05:33:08 · answer #10 · answered by Sweet! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you love this type of man (your ex), its not wrong to be like this, true that your ex is a piece of ****, but still maybe you feel you are sexually attracted to him, it happens. try to get over these feelings and try to see the positive side of your husband you will find yourself end up in a different kind of sweet strong love
2006-09-13 05:36:36 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋