What should I do now?

Question

my husband and i have about decided that we are getting a divorce. He has some problems with bipolar and i am about at the end of my rope and i have been considering leaving for a while that maybe that would make him appreciate me. He told me this morning to be nice to his kids but i have not been mean to them he is the one that is doing that (to his 2 and my 1 ). I told him that the only one being mean is him and that he does it to all of us. I told him that i was still mad about him calling me bad names in front of the kids night before last and he had the nerve to say that he never called me anything. But he did. I told him that this time i would not cry like i did before. I just need someone to tell me that I will survive. I am through with men this is my 2nd try and i am done I do beleive that there is not very many good ones out there and the good ones are taken. Ineed a pick me up about now maybe a good joke or something to take my mind off of the big D.

we split up last nov. and i moved back in in march. everything was great for about a month then things like i described started again. I have prayed and talked to me preacher and we even went to couseling while we was apart but that ended when i moved back he did not feel like we needed it and at that time everything was good. yeah i do worry about his kids but when he treats me bad they won't talk to me when i am the one that helps them with homework up until 2 nights ago when he said that he would do it, he usually watches tv or goes to sleep while homework is getting done, so i have stepped back and letting him get a taste of it and i can tell that he does not like missing his tv shows and his naps. i help my daughter if she needs help and he helps his 2. Thanks for all the advice and the jokes, i smiled laughed and cried while reading these it will be hard to pick the best. to mike b. my email is [e-mail] if you will send me those jokes.

Answer 1

I read your delema. Guess what? My husband does the same thing and he is not bi- polar! Sometimes I wonder if people just use there illness to hide behind there behavior. Maybe they dont know it. Anyways, How about a seperation and some one on one counseling for yourself to heal from the stress before you do the divorce? I would say couples counseling but it sounds like he will not open up if he isnt opening up to you now. This is from my own experience. As far as a joke.....watch carlos mencia. He sometimes gets me back into a better mood. Hes a crack up. Look into a womans support group. THose are helpful to myself as well.

Answer 2

I'm not even married and ready for a divorce.. LOL. First, is he being treated for his bipolar disorder? Have you sought any counseling for him and for yourself, and maybe eventually you and the kids. Second, he should NEVER call you names in front of the children like that. I know a few people that have Bipolar disorder, you still have hope. Think before you react. And if you have thought really long and hard, and know this is what you want, then I just wanted to tell you, YES you will survive. There are truly some great men left out there. But unfortunately, they are all gay :-P Hope everything works out well for you.. Goodluck. Josie P.S. Hope this helped and even made you smile a little :-)

Answer 3

You're fine hun, remember he's mentally ill and not rational. Trying to make him see sense is an impossible task and in a way not fair - like holding up a hat and asking someone who's blind, "What's in my hand?".
It's not easy being the partner of someone who's unstable. Only you can decide how seriously you want to stick to the vow "in sickness and in health". I can't comment on that coz I've never taken those vows. I've had a long term partner with real mental health problems and decided, in the end, it was better for one of us to be ill than both.
What you really need is someone else to talk to to make things clearer for you. In the UK there is a mental health support group called MIND that will offer you, your partner and importantly the children support.
If you're anywhere else I'd suggest finding a similar group or visit your doctor and ask for advice.
You will get through this for sure, whether you stay together or not. Take good care of your physical health - eat well, get as much rest as you need, gentle exercise (or furious if it helps!) Don't focus on him too much you'll go bonkers. Be there for the kids. Rest on your friends. Love yourself.
Remember no-one is to blame. He can't help being ill. It's no-one's fault he's ill.

I'd tell you a joke but I'm really rubbish at it!!
Take care : )

Answer 4

Listen to Bon Jovi's song - Have a Nice Day! Every time I listen to it - I can't get it out of my head.

By the way - Get out of there and be happy! Live your life for you and your child. Don't worry about meeting someone right now. Focus on what you really want out of life. You can make it on your own for awhile.

Ease back into dating slowly. Stay positive and you may meet the love of your life. Not every guy is a jerk. It took me a year before I believed that to be true after my divorce.

I left my ex 3 years ago and yes, it was hard at first, but now I can't even imagine how I put up with his behavior and feeling sad and depressed all the time. It really scares me to think what my life would be like if I had stayed. I am so proud of myself for taking back control of my life. My ex wasn't bipolar, but he was an alcoholic and emotionally abusive.

So go ahead and have a nice day - you deserve it :)

Treat yourself to a massage, manicure or pedicure, or go shopping or to a movie by yourself. I always indulge.

Do something positive like exercise - It really helps me both physically and emotionally and keeps me focused and relieves the stress of the day.

You will survive - People used to tell me this all the time and I hated it "Everything happens for a reason." I have come to believe this is true.

Sometimes the worst events in our lives turn out to be the very best for us, even though it may not seem like that at the time.

Good Luck to you.

Answer 5

Take heart, dear. There are a few of us (decent unattached guys, that is) left in the world. I'm sure you'll find one in your neck of the woods if you don't give up. Your children need a positive male role model so keep looking. You never know who will come along and save you.... heck,YOU may even save yourself! Necessity is the mother of invention, as they say. You may find men aren't the answer but the problem. At least that's what my ex-wife used to suggest way back when I was still listening to her vapid, daily chorus. *L*

Sorry I don't have a joke to bring your spirits up, but I'm hoping perhaps a few kind words might help?

What will become of his children once you leave w/ yours? Maybe you should consider calling child services to protect them until he gets some real help? Apologies for heaping it on there but it was a concern as I read your letter & you sed you were leaving.

Wish I had more for you.

Be well~

Answer 6

I think you can find some one else and start new life this can happen at any time you would like.
you sound still not at the end of rope.
Try to be calm. You both need a break for a while.
that would be better for you both as well for the kids
After the break you can sit together, and find solutions about all your relationship problems either to survive or to decide a divorce.

good luck

Answer 7

You need to get out, away from this atmosphere. If you can afford it, take a short vacation. Take the kids if you can't trust him with them and you don't have anyone else who could take them for a short time. You'd be amazed how much it will help you clear your mind to get away from what he is doing to you and the kids right now. And don't give up on men. My first husband was a mommy's boy who let her run our lives, and who thought of my parents as his personal meal ticket, even though I never did. But I got out, and as I was leaving, the further away I got, the more it felt like a burden was lifting off my shoulders. But the second time was a charm. My husband now thinks he isn't good enough for me, and tells my parents that he already has what he wants from them--me. He cooks, sends flowers and makes jewelry--I'm keeping him.

Answer 8

Just be strong for the children. You dont have to stay and put up with his bipolar, because if he's having problems with it he must not be taking his treatment or medication. If he doesnt want to correct his problem for the family and your marriage sake, then you need to take the kids and leave. If you have to take his too then do so because this is gonna affect the kids worst. So if you need to cotact their mothers and let them be aware or however you need to do it, but you and the kids need to get out of that unstable up-and-down environment! You are a WOMAN! You WILL survive! You can do anything you set your mind to!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 9

I am truly sorry about what you are going through. I know from first hand experience about dealing with someone who I believe is bipolar but has never bothered to get help. The only thing I can offer is that you are doing the right thing for yourself and your child. Unless your husband gets some kind of help and is on medication then he is not going to get better. Good Luck to you and your child.

Answer 10

I know it doesn't help when someone tells you that everything will be ok because right now it probably feels like it will never be fully ok. However, giving up is not the right answer. Good things will come to you as soon as you get yourself happy. Take time for yourself. A quote that always helped me out when I was feeling down is "Everything will be okay in the end....if it's not okay, then it's not the end"