How many of you have just stayed together for your children.....?

Question

and you ended up being miserable?

Answer 1

I did not stay for the sake of my child. That was 6 1/2 years ago and I still regret that decision. Do I have a great life now? Yes...but I will never know if I could have gotten back to a great life with what I had back then because, in my opinion, we did not try hard enough. It is a phenomenon to me how easy it is for us to call it quits and yet not so easy for us to put a lot of work into a marriage.The impact on my son was and still is, huge. He does well in school and has many friends, so on the surface he seems, as the counselor has said, "well adjusted", but I, as his Mother, see the effects of the divorce on him all the time and it crushes me. I will always...ALWAYS...feel guilty about the decision we made. If I would die for my child, why would I not work my a$$ off to give him the absolute best scenario in life? As you know, that best scenario is to have both parents in a happy, relatively normal, loving household. Another phenomenon...Now, I counsel anyone who comes to me talking about how miserable they are in their marriage and I assure them that they may think things will be easier outside that marriage, but I am here to say that it WILL BE ONE OF THE MOST DIFFICULT THINGS IN YOUR LIFE. Think about trying to manage the emotions of you, your children, your ex, your friends, your family, as well as the back and forth between two households, the communication gaps, and everthing else in between. Most people think, "Oh, it will be different for me.", but I have to tell you that your children WILL be negatively impacted by this, and my counselor and statistics confirm this. There is absolutely NO WAY around it. If nothing else, you start out trying to make it work for the sake of the kids. If you truly, and I mean, truly work your a$$ off, it will change from "for the sake of the kids" to, "You know what? There is a reason I loved you in the first place. Let's get back to that...". Please let this soak in as you contemplate your next steps.

Answer 2

In the end, staying together for the benefit of the children ends up being detrimental to them instead. It hurts the children more to see what goes on between two parents that do not like each other in terms of husband and wife. You both can be better parents to your children when you are both happy yourselves.

Answer 3

Yes i did and boy was it a mistake . Now neither one of my sons wants to get married ever. and somehow I feel like that is totally my fault for staying in a relationship with their father who was an abuser and a true con artist in every sense of the word. i am so glad i got away when i did but i do not think i did it soon enough. It is so much better to get divorce than to stay together for kids sake.

Answer 4

I had a chum who's parents stayed mutually till her twenty first birthday. merely whilst they advised her they hadn't enjoyed kinfolk member yet another for the final 10yrs and had merely been staying mutually till the youngsters have been sufficiently previous to appreciate. They mentioned they have been advertising the domicile and splitting up. She substitute into devistated, even at 21yrs previous. that they had continually appeared like a classic married couple. She substitute into left feeling like her entire existence substitute right into a lie, each and each chuffed little ones reminiscence. i think of generally if the parents are arguing often (whether they think of the youngsters are asleep) they might desire to split up as childrens can generally tell whilst the parents are unhappy and it stresses them out. childrens would be unhappy whilst parents split yet extra injury may be completed if the parents stay mutually.

Answer 5

Well me and my husband did but now im glad that we did. One of us cheated and because of the children we stayed together and made it work. It was horrible at first and we thought that we wasnt going to be able to handle it but 4 years later we are happier than we were before. Sometimes it works and sometimes it dont.

Answer 6

My parents were going to stay together for me, but they didnt and i am very happy cause if they did, things would be hell.

The kids should never be the decision to stay together. Cause you will end up miserable.

Answer 7

I did it. It was so very emotionally draining to stay with a man I couldn't trust. When my children got to an age they started to see mom was not happy and they said Mom you don't have to do this anymore we can leave, I packed us up and moved. Started my divorce proceedings. Sometimes children know best.

Answer 8

been there! trying to get out of there!
All i notice is that is hard to get out of bed when my husband and I live together with the kids. The kids are all seperated from me when he is home. Even the one that we stay together for. She wants to stay with her syblings isolated from us. He walks around happy with his beer in his hands and does whatever he pleases. He thinks everything is funny.
Now that we are cramed into a smaller living area, since we have seperated, I am getting out of bed more. THe kids like talking and of course argueing where ever I sit. We go for walks. THe isolation has turned around to fammily time.
The only sad thing is that we both really have good intentions to stay together for the kid but from our expereince it just isnt enough.

Answer 9

I did for 25 years, but if I had it to do over, I never would. Staying together for the sake of the kids is not a valid reason ....not to the kids, you, or your mate.

Answer 10

I did that in my first marriage and it was the worst mistake i could of ever made in my life.
I finally ended up LEAVING for my kids sake!!!!