Once during an argument about basically our whole situation, I asked my wife if this was what she thought her life would be like when she was young. I brought this up because this isn't what I thought it would be like. She said she had no vision of what it would be like. I thought every little dreamed about her future married life?
2006-09-13 04:45:47 · 7 answers · asked by butnozzle 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I guess the reason I question this is that since our life is in such disarray and she came from such a sound family, I have a hard time believing that she finds this acceptable.
2006-09-13 04:58:42 · update #1
Having been married for 14 years and having a wife who came from a sound family, I would just say not to hinge too much on her comments.
All that really matters is what she meant when she made this comment. Your remark that you didn't know marriage would be like this was actually a challenge on some levels -- on one level, you are hinting that your marriage isn't what it "should be" compared to the "ideal marriage" and that she needs to change to conform to that standard.
So she responded with a throw-away comment, meant to challenge your statement. That's all it really was. Don't get too worked up about it. I have learned that many comments in arguments just need to be overlooked or not taken too seriously.
Chances are, though, while she might have occassionally daydreamed about her wedding and the perfect man she would marry, her family was stable enough that she didn't really have to question what a marriage should be. She probably just automatically pictured it to look like her parents' marriage.
(Meanwhile, kids who come from less stable families have to think through this stuff more and determine what they DO want, because what their parents had was definitely NOT it.)
Ask her to describe her parents' marriage, and I bet that will describe to a large degree her assumptions about your marriage with her -- it's the unconscious standard for her.
2006-09-13 05:27:45 · answer #1 · answered by Jennywocky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not every little girl dreams of her future married life. Some don't think about the future at all. I just worried about one day at a time. So since she is your wife why don't you just believe her.
2006-09-13 04:58:15 · answer #2 · answered by oddbutterfly1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not everyone dreams about their future married life. I would say she's telling the truth. But the fact that you're even questioning this says something. Good luck.
2006-09-13 04:50:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is absolutely irrelevent whether or not she envisioned her future life & marriage when she was young. It doesn't matter. She may or may not have. It's trivial. It also sounds like you have bigger problems than that if your marriage is on the rocks...perhaps it's rocky because you are both fighting over trivial things. Here's a guideline...if it happened before the marriage...it does not matter.
2006-09-13 05:48:17 · answer #4 · answered by auntcookie84 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't dream of marriage. I don't want to be married. I really wouldn't care if my husband didn't believe me. He's free to think his own thoughts. Except I don't have a husband.
2006-09-13 05:03:56 · answer #5 · answered by hello 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is lying.
You two need to shut-up and go to a good counselor together. Go alone if she refuses.
2006-09-13 05:33:22 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course you should she is your wife why would she lie to you.
2006-09-13 04:52:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋