I’ve been gay for since about the age of 12 and have hated the idea of it all my life and have been suppressing my feelings for years. I have come out to friends and family (2weeks ago) and really want to embrace my sexuality but keep worrying about what people think of me and accepting it. Is anyone in or have been in the same situation that could give me some advice. Thanks
2006-09-13 04:35:52 · 32 answers · asked by Nathan 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
You need time and education.
Read gay books - go to the gay section of a book store and read some coming out stories and about some gay issues. See gay films - I recommend: latter days, broken hearts club, boys don't cry and wild reeds. Read gay magazines. Why not let others experiences help you out?
Surround your self with positive aspects about gay life - not just life in bars. Become affiliated with a gay charity, go to a gay lesbian community center, maybe join a gay youth group. Attend things like gay film festivals, prides, plays, charity drives and concerts.
I don't necessarily see it as your duty to proclaim to all of creation that you are gay. Just tell those that are important to you. Your friends and family are who count. You don't have to tell all your co-workers or class mates your personal business. Some people feel they do - and I say good for them. But me - I just tell who matters. No one is asking you to be a martyr for gays everywhere.
As time goes by and you learn more you will become stronger. You can't base your life on pleasing everyone. Know what you need to know to defend what you believe in. Don't spend time with haters.
Good luck!
2006-09-13 05:19:22 · answer #1 · answered by Think.for.your.self 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you do just be happy with yourself and don't let people try to change you. You are who you are and you cannot help it that you were born this way. People who try to tell you it's wrong or preach to you or try to change you truely do not love you, they only love what they want you to be not who you truely are. Just be true to yourself. You don't need to go whoring yourself around with guys all the time but be open and honest about yourself with people. You will meet someone in time. Once you are out to most of your friends and relatives word gets around.
Don't worry about what other people think about you. I'm sure you've had bad thoughts about someone in the past and it probably didn't affect them and they probably didn't care. You should be the same way. Don't get too caught up into what other people are thinking about you, it's your life not theirs. It's not you who has the problem it's them (if they even have a problem with it) People these days are very accepting it seems towards the subject of homosexuality which makes the whole coming out to friends and being yourself thing a whole lot easier than in the past. Just realize that this is who you are and you only have one life so live it up!
2006-09-13 06:06:46 · answer #2 · answered by JR 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Many gay people will have been through and experienced what you're feeling. I know I did.
It didn't go down well at all with my parents when I came out they would not accept the fact that I am lesbian. But over time they have come to accept my sexuality and my partner.
Even though that was a bad experience it has never stopped me being open and honest about my sexuality with friends or at work etc. It was difficult at First when people presumed i had a boyfriend it's like 'coming out' all over again. When I corrected them and said ' partners female or said her name. I don't even think about it now. I don't shove it down people throats but I also don't keep it a secret. In my opinion if people don't like me or judge me on my sexuality then they aren't the kind of people i want to be friends with.I am happier now that Ive ever been.
All you can do babe is try not to worry, trust me that won't help. You just concentrate on living your life as who you are and not as the person you think people want you to be.
Read gay magazines go out to pubs/clubs so you can read about/meet People who have had similar experiences
Whatever you do 'look after yourself and be happy'..............
2006-09-13 05:29:05 · answer #3 · answered by caz70 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow! I guess most of us have had the same experience, but i can speak only for myself. I felt it when i was about 11... I felt uncomfortable with this too... anyway
I can give you only these advices...
1. Don't go too fast embracing your sexuality... don't do anything to show you are gay! It is not necessary at all... nor is it to have sex with anyone makes you good in bed, if you know what i mean... I have a favourite song that goes "I am just a baby in this business of love"
2. Don't worry of what people would think! This is YOUR life, not theirs, and it is a short one (no matter how long it would lasts life's always too short), don't waste your time for explanations and excuses...
3. Check some "classical" gay-contexted works of art...
I recommend you Gloria Gaynor's "I am what I am" (song), though it is not particularly about gays, she certainly knows what she is singing about...
Good luck and take care!
2006-09-13 04:46:24 · answer #4 · answered by Randy Beaman 2 · 6⤊ 0⤋
You and I and millions of others are fortunate enough to live in time and part of the world where it is okay to be gay.
I suggest you talk to others but keep in mind that not all gay people are wonderful (I wish we all were) and some may try to steer you down a path which you need to decide for yourself.
Love yourself and do only what you feel comfortable doing.
Keep in mind that although you are going through a HUGE adjustment so is your family. Be patient but firm.
Good luck and all the best!
2006-09-13 06:44:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You took the first step in coming out to your family and friends. you will find it easier to embrace your sexuality as you go along. You do not have to act "gay", by that the stereotypical effemeninate gay, if you dont want to. Just act naturally and dont worry about what others think. Feel free to send me an email if you want to talk more.
2006-09-13 05:55:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm bi and I found that, even though my family is very accepting, they seemed to have some sort of denial when I came out.
I came to terms through media. I went to my closest video store and scoured the shelves for anything with two women hugging or two men hugging so I realised that I belong somewhere, that there were other people like me.
From a half-outside point of view, there's such a supportive assemblage for hmosexuals, and heteros know there place, and it seems like everyone forgets that bisexuality exists
2006-09-13 08:53:48 · answer #7 · answered by Whitney 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once you completely accept yourself; nothing else will really matter. Understanding yourself fully prevents others from labeling you. There is an old cliche that states: "If you don't define yourself, others will do it for you". Now that you have taken the first steps to restoring yourself by being real with yourself, start by celebrating the great qualities you have. Your sexual attraction to the same gender is such a small part of your overall existence. Learn to see the inner qualities and you'll attract others to you; rather friends, family or that special guy. Good luck!
2006-09-13 04:57:36 · answer #8 · answered by Swordfish 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I'm the same way as you. Knew I was gay since early on and slowly telling people while having concern for what they may think. One thing helping me is a friend who is also gay to kind of give me advice and encourage me through the whole process. Have someone you can relate to and go to for advice and encouragement.
2006-09-13 04:53:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I could write a lot of things about coming out as a bisexual, from my own personal experiance and my academic work on the topic, but intead, I'm just going to point you to:
http://www.joekort.com/articles60.htm
Because in all the things I've done or read, I've never seen anyone sum up coming out issues so succinctly or intelligently.
Otherwise I can offer you a book list, and say that I really benefitted from reading about other gay people
Outing Yourself: How to Come Out as Lesbian or Gay to Your Family, Friends, and Coworkers by Michelangelo Signorile
I would also HIGHLY reccomend Queer in America : Sex, the Media, and the Closets of Power
Coming Out of Shame : Transforming Gay and Lesbian Lives by Gershen Kaufman
Now That I'm Out What Do I Do? by Brian McNaught
Coming Out to Parents: A Two-Way Survival Guide for Lesbians and Gay Men and Their Parents by Mary V. Borhek
Beyond Acceptance: Parents of Lesbians & Gays Talk About Their Experiences by Carolyn W. Griffin
DON'T SHOOT! I'm Coming Out ~ How to "Man-Up" and Set Heterosexuals "Straight" by Benn Setfrey
Becoming Gay: The Journey To Self-Acceptance by Richard A. Isay
Queer Blues: The Lesbian and Gay Guide to Overcoming Depression by Kimeron N. Hardin, Marny Hall, Betty Berzon
Coming Out Under Fire by Allan Berube
Family Outing: A Guide to the Coming-Out Process for Gays, Lesbians, & Their Families
Family Outing: A Guide to the Coming-Out Process for Gays, Lesbians, & Their Families by Chastity Bono and Billie Fitzpatrick
Coming Out Within: Stages of Spiritual Awakening for Lesbians and Gay Men by Craig O'Neill and Kathleen Ritter
Coming Out Every Day : A Gay, Bisexual, and Questioning Man's Guide by Ph.D. Bret K. Johnson
2006-09-13 09:28:36 · answer #10 · answered by dani_kin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋