I'm nearly 40 and have been divorced twice including once recently and am not feeling like I have much chance of finding a decent guy any time soon because I really need to reassess my priorities in a husband since I have picked two bad apples in a row. The problem is I really want to have a baby and I don't want to adopt because I want the whole experience.
I would love to hear from any women who have been in this position. Some people have told me that I need to just find myself a husband but that sounds like it might cause me more problems down the road. I don't want to go on a series of one night stands just to try and get pregnant because that sounds like an invitation to problems too. Artificial insemination sounds cold and clinical but it might be my best option but some people still tell me I need to look for a husband if I'm going to have a baby.
2006-09-13 04:30:16 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
if you feel that you can support a baby on your own then go ahead and do the artificial insmenation. you don't want to marry a guy just to have a baby because he may not be the right one. There are so many women who are single mothers and are doing a great job. down the road you may find someone who will be wiling to care for you and your child even though it isn't his.
2006-09-13 04:46:15 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
There are so many ways to have children. Getting married just to have a baby is not a good solution and will only cause problems later on in the future. You have already spoken about several ways you can have a child. Adopting, surrogate, artificial insemination, foster care, etc.
Many single adults are able to adopt and explore other options without being married. It depends on the person if it's easier to raise a child by themselves or with a spouse. Plus many people have a close community of family and friends close by to help out as well.
I am unable to have a child biologically. But when it comes to the time I really want a child, I would be more than willing to look into these other options. We are living in a new age and technology is amazing. I would never get married just to have a baby.
2006-09-13 05:22:44 · answer #2 · answered by Erica, AKA Stretch 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to look for a husband if you are going to have a baby. Children are much healthier when raised in a loving mother and father relationship. But do not marry a man just for baby, marry for love, companionship, and a family. If you have had problems with the men you pick look at where you are meeting them. I agree the one night stand approach is a bad idea. Unprotected one night stands will give you a better chance at disease than a baby and what would you tell the child later in life? I wanted to have you so I went from bar to bar and picked men till I got pregnant? Try going to your local church, there are probably nice, kind, loving, single men who are hoping to start a family.
2006-09-13 04:43:44 · answer #3 · answered by Brian W 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I sympathize with ya. In an odd way my life is similar to yours.I too am pushing towards 40. However I am happily married. I too would love to experiance the joy of having a child. Unfortunately my wife is unable to have anymore children. (she has had 3 from a previous marriage-they are all adults with their own kids now) She has mentioned adoption but to me it wouldnt be the same as having a child of your own flesh and blood. I guess that sounds a little heartless but its the way I feel about it. But as far as your problem goes if I were you and wanted to have a baby, I would. Just dont go and sleep with any Tom, Dick or Harry ya meet. At least be concerned as to what type of person the father of your baby is. Once your child is old enough he/she will probably wanna know about their father. So just be careful on who you pick to be the daddy.
2006-09-13 04:54:29 · answer #4 · answered by ducksixty8 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do not need a husband to have a child... Single parents do quite well everyday raising fine children who grow up to contribute to society...
What you need to be more concerned about is your age... You say you are nearly 40... risk factors in pregnancy increase at and after age 35...
http://www.marchofdimes.com/professionals/681_1155.asp
Consider these sobering facts listed in the link chances of having a child with Down Syndrome are :
Age 30, a 1-in-1,000 chance;
Age 35, a 1-in-400 chance;
Age 40, a 1-in-100 chance;
Age 45, a 1-in-30 chance.
Those are some very high numbers and drastic increases in numbers in very short time spans...
You must consider these factors as well as the other risk factors listed on the site, not only your desire to go through the whole experience....
In life there is a time for each experience, a time for being a child, a time for being a teenager, and a time for having children of your own.. You may need to face facts, your time for having a biological child may have passed, for whatever reason(s) you didn't have a biological child the time frame nature intended for that experience in life...
Is it fair to have a biological child, knowing the risk factors of age, because as you said "I want the whole experience" ?
You talked about reassessing your priotities in a husband, more importantly you need to reassess your priorities in having a biological child as opposed to adoption, you want to the "whole experience" pregnancy and birth account for only a very small percentage of the "whole experience" of having a child....
2006-09-13 05:29:51 · answer #5 · answered by Diane (PFLAG) 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Children need a mother and a father. It would be selfish of you to purposely bring a child into the world without a father. It sounds like you need to focus more on straightening out your own life before you consider bringing an innocent baby into it. You say you don't want to adopt because you want the "whole experience". That is incredibly selfish. You're not even thinking about what a child needs, just what you want.
2006-09-13 05:00:58 · answer #6 · answered by Tiss 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you "need" a husband... I've known a couple of women - older, with established careers - who for whatever reason didn't feel like they could find someone in time to create a family... So, they found someone "good enough" to have a baby with, but it wasn't a long-term relationship, and the guys were out of the picture before the baby was even born. I suppose, nowadays artificial insemination could be a viable option as well. I personally don't see anything wrong with it; having a child is important, and our biological clocks are ticking faster and faster as we get older. Good luck.
2006-09-13 04:39:06 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
In a choice between the love of one parent and no love between two parents then have the child raise it yourself and mabye someday a man will come along that will accept and love both of you.
The most important things you can give a child is love and security. It doesn't take two parents to do this.
One night stands are not a good idea. Artificial insemination may be cold but you can screen the donor and choose what you are getting a one night stand is like Russian Roulette.
2006-09-13 04:38:48 · answer #8 · answered by joanne_happygirl 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
first, understand that this is a selfish desire ... if you are able to support a child as a single mother, than by all means, artificial insemination is your best bet since you can select attributes and gender to get the child you want.
marrying a man to get a baby is unfair to you for the reasons you mentioned, him for the same reasons, and the child because the husband will not be allowed to be an involved parent ... its not a healthy or stable household in that environment
2006-09-13 04:39:45 · answer #9 · answered by casurfwatcher 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, coz that is just really silly. You can get pregnant by artificial insemination, you don't even need to sleep with a guy. Have the baby on your own, much better than going through yet another divorce.
2006-09-13 04:36:22 · answer #10 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋