i have heard rumors that my man is cheating on me but when I ask him he denies it. I went out with the kids last night and saw him with another girl but I just came back home b/c I had the kids with me. I am going to confront him today but how should I tell him???
2006-09-13 03:47:26 · 24 answers · asked by ? 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i forgot to mention that my children are 5 yrs old and 5 months old.
2006-09-13 04:13:39 · update #1
theres one big problem to all this. Everyone said ask who he was with and if he lies leave him. how are you going to know if he lied about who she was? maybe shes just a friend..... obviously if he says he was alone thats a lie but unless you know this girl you can't exactly call him a liar about who she is. My suggestion is ask what he did lastnight, where he was and with whom...and go from there. if he says nowhere with no one...then tell him you saw him...and you want to know who he was with.
Oh and DO NOT...I repeat DO NOT cause a scene infront of the kids...chances are they saw him too and are already confused enough as to why daddy was with another woman instead of you and the kids....let alone why you wouldnt approach him.
2006-09-13 04:00:50 · answer #1 · answered by t_matczak 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Do it without being confrontational, if that's possible. Tell him what you were doing and that you saw him with some other woman and let him know about the rumors that are being said about him and how that concerns you and all you would like is to know the truth now before you get to suspicious and life for the two of you and your kids get turned upside down. Give that a try. Who exactly has been telling you that hes messing around? Are they trust worthy?
2006-09-13 10:57:48 · answer #2 · answered by leftlobejen 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Clearly, he is seeing another woman as he has no excuse to NOT be home with you and the kids OR to be at work. On the other hand, you DO have kids and you MAY still want to work this out somehow.
Think clearly and carefully about what you want to say. And, present it to him calmly. Just flat out ask him if he wants to stay in this marriage. Ask him if his vows mean anything to him now. Ask him why does he need to be out with someone else. It doesn't matter if he is having sex with her or not, because he is emotionally and physically unavailable for you, the kids, and for this relationship as long as he is going out with other people. In other words, if he says that "she's just a friend," that doesn't matter and it doesn't get him off the hook for NEGLECTING YOU AND THE KIDS.
It gets real simple. Your marriage is in trouble. Ask him to get couples counseling with you. If he refuses, that is an automatic dealbreaker and you should find yourself a lawyer and file for divorce and for child support. If he does agree to counseling with you, if he is sorry and stops this behavior, and if he sincerely wants to regain your trust...then the ball will be in your court. He can only regain your trust if you're willing to let him. If you can't ever get over this, then that too is a dealbreaker and divorce is inevitable.
Men frequently seek women outside of marriage to boost their self-esteem, to feel attractive, powerful, even more manly. Chances are your marriage has gotten bogged down in all the daily grind that we all have to face. If you and he choose to work on getting past this issue and on rekindling your relationship, then you will be in a position to give him a "bigger better deal" so to speak. When a man has more good lovin' at home than he knows what to do with, he usually won't have enough time left over to even think about other women. Rekindle the romance. Initiate the passion. You might even want to get a few books to learn a few new tricks. My wife and I have greatly enjoyed "The Art of Sexual Ecstacy" by Margo Anand. Men tend to feel unimportant and small in the day to day world; they seek out women to make them feel like real men. If you get past the present problem, eventually you may be ready to rock his world and to make him feel like a GOD. A smart man will not ruin a good thing when he has it; your man may have just temporarily forgotten just how good he has it at home. Remind him.
2006-09-14 15:36:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well coyly ask him what he did last night.. as if it was another day.. calmly ask where he was, who did he see.. ect ect.. and when he lies to u like he always has, bust his azz.. BUT u might get shocked, if he says where he was and suddenly mentions that he ran into a certain female , maybe someone from work or someone sister..ect.. doubtful this will happen.. but ask calmly first make him catch himself in his own lie.. first.. just so he cant come back later and say YEAH THATS SO AND SO's GF or THATS SO AND SO from work and make u feel like an idiot or second guess if ur right or wrong.. so be calm and act like its another day and ur just makeing conversation and when he lies to u.. then POUNCE..
2006-09-13 10:53:15 · answer #4 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
works best if you have a picture ... but tell him what you saw and why you did not confront him at that time .. the trust is broken now ... you have to decide whether you want to stay or toss him out ... while you hate to disillusion your kids, they will find out soon enough ... honesty is always better than enabling a lie, the message your kids will get now is that it is ok to hide the truth to protect your loved ones ... so, this is why daughters who are raped dont tell their parents ... you should have confronted him, kids and all.at the time
2006-09-13 10:54:36 · answer #5 · answered by casurfwatcher 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to tell him that you saw him with another woman with your owm two eyes, and you are not going to put up with his crap. And there is no point in denying it now.
You were given a gut instinct for a reason, so when it tells you there is something wrong, you need to listen to what it has to say.
2006-09-13 10:54:43 · answer #6 · answered by Dre 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you saw him, not what he was doing... let him incriminate himself just lead him too believe he is so caught and he will fold and apologize or give up another story... then you should be able to call this woman and meet her as well, if they are just friends if this is a problem he is definitely cheater and a liar and do with him as you will.
2006-09-13 10:53:29 · answer #7 · answered by mizsinister 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
calmly approach the subject. Be very casual as to confuse him. Did he see you? Well anyway, then just tell him what you saw and ask him about it. If he lies, dump his sorry ***! If he comes clean, talk things through and realize that if you decide to stay with him, once a cheater always a cheater!
2006-09-13 10:51:35 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I recomend a situation where his nipples and a pair of pliars are involved, but since that could get charges filed against you I would ask him what he did last night, and then when he lied to me I would tell him I saw him, he is a bastard, and our relationship is over. Good Luck.
2006-09-13 10:52:25 · answer #9 · answered by Jewells 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Ask him what he did last night. When he lies you can tell him you saw it with your own eyes. That you were giving him the opportunity to come clean and because he just bull faced lied to you that it is now OVER. End of discussion.
2006-09-13 10:50:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋