My husband and I have been married for almost three years. We have ana 19 mo. old dau. When I was pregnant with her, he began going out to the bar and getting drunk. He would also get drunk at social functions. This and a bad temper has led to my cat getting shot and a hole punched in our wall. He can be the sweetest husband and dad, and he hasn't been awful in about 3 mos. He stilll has 4-6 beers a night. I have put in my 2 weeks and made arrangements to move 3 hrs away. I feel like a bad wife and an abandoner. Any suggestions?
2006-09-13 03:06:50 · 26 answers · asked by emmaleigh 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You have to do what you think is right. Growing up with an agressive alcholic parent is not good for children, I know I have been there.
2006-09-13 03:08:43 · answer #1 · answered by barter256 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your child is your no 1 in the whole situation. Whats to say he doesnt lose his temper and "accidentally" hurt your gorgeous baby....happened to my cousins friend he ended up throwing the baby onto the bed and it had to go to hospital! Get out while u still can....the minutes are ticking and your husband hasnt sought any help so he still has major problems. They had this on dr phil the other day and he said the first thing was for the husb to live away from the wife and daughter....seek help and when the time is right begin couples councelling and see how it goes. You dont have to divorce straight away but he needs to take steps to better himself before you can be together. If he loves u both he will do it. Remember you and ana are beautiful and deserve only the best and will settle for nothing less. Good luck!
2006-09-13 10:21:06 · answer #2 · answered by nicole 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
at this point your priority is your child and you have to do all that is necessary to protect that child. Make all your decisions with that in mind, it's no longer about whether you are a good wife or not, you have to be a good mother. (at least in this sort of situation). Plus a good wife doesn't mean allowing a husband to let his life fall apart and become an alcoholic. He needs a wake up call and you are about to give it to him.
If this does get to the courts though it always looks bad to just leave and not let the other parent know about your where abouts so contact a lawyer right away for a consultation so figure out how to go about moving. Shoudl youwrite a letter but not telling him where you exactly are but informing him that you have left and felt that his behavior was endangeringyou and your child and keeping a copy for your records. I'm not sure find out.
2006-09-13 10:13:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders.If your husband has a alcohol problem and from the sound of it a temper problem as well,,the best thing for you and your daughter is to get out while you can.When someone has a alcohol and temper problem,they normally don't get better,they get worst.If he really loves you and your daughter,and values your marriage he will get help so that you can be a happy family.If he doesn't get help then he chooses to let the alcohol controll his life there for not allowing your daughter to grow up in a happy family enviroment.It is hard on a child and another parent to live with someone with this type of behavior,I have been there and I know what you are dealing with.Good luck.
2006-09-13 10:22:14 · answer #4 · answered by missy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO, you're NOT a bad wife. I don't care whom you ask, a cat getting shot and a hole punched through a wall are NOT normal things by far. You first priority is to protect yourself and the child. Alcohol is a terrible thing, it really ruines lives (my uncle was an alcoholic, I saw firsthand how awful it can be; he had a great career, a great wife and daughter, and lost everything, was sleeping on the streets, and finally got killed in a drunken brawl). You HAVE to get away if he's not acknowledging his problem, and is not willing to get help. Please don't feel guilty, because you're not.
2006-09-13 10:14:35 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're making the right decision. My ex was alcoholic and physically and emotionally abusive. He never shot a cat, that I know of, but he used to kick the dog in the stomach. He had to drink every day of the week too. It's just a bad situation. You can't change him. And he's only going to get worse, which means instead of the wall, it might be you he punches next time. I for one couldn't raise my kids with a father like that as a role model. And as much as it hurt, getting out of there was one of the best decisions I've ever made.
Follow through with your plans. You're making the right choice for you and for your daughter.
2006-09-13 10:13:46 · answer #6 · answered by curious 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you have a problem. This man is abusing alcohol. My suggestion would be to find an Al-anon meeting in your area. Talk to other people in your situation, and get help from alcohol counselors. If he's shooting cats and putting holes in the walls, how long until you and your daughter get hurt?
2006-09-13 10:12:07 · answer #7 · answered by steelypen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HE SHOT YOUR CAT
what could you possibly feel bad about it always escalates and if he is capable of murder animal or human the man needs therapy and you need to go for awhile I am not saying you have to stay gone but I would force my hand and get him rehab and a good counceler you need one too after all this good luck sweety.
2006-09-13 10:11:12 · answer #8 · answered by Katlynn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being in fear for yourself & your child is no reason to feel bad. Have you suggested counselling to him? I would always recommend that as the best route, but you have to do what's best for you & your daughter. If he is refusing to be a 24/7 father & husband, then there is not much you can do.
Best of luck to you!
2006-09-13 10:09:03 · answer #9 · answered by paj 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Alcoholics have an addiction as I'm sure you are aware of and by turning your back and running will only increase his desire to drink. If you love the man then help him out or insist that he get help otherwise your going to be out of the picture. I had the very same addiction about 8 years ago and I thank God that my friends and family didn't turn and run, they helped me through it.
2006-09-13 10:12:16 · answer #10 · answered by VeeateU 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's tough. Sounds like the beer is triggering his temper. If you love him and think he is worth it. FInd counseling. Just seperate for a while until he realises what he is missing, if leaving is the only way.
2006-09-13 10:13:29 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋