Last night my son asked me if I was dating anyone, I'm not so I told him that. He said when you do I want to know. I have never lied to my kids before, they have always known that I would tell them at least as much as I thought they should know about any given situation. The thing here is, I have no intention of letting my kids meet anyone until I know there is something there. I don't want to lie to him and I don't want to tell him every time I go out with some guy who probably will end up being nothing at all...my son is very protective and can't stand the idea that I might date anyone. How do I get around lying when he asks?
2006-09-13 03:03:24 · 27 answers · asked by sasha 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thank you Lothario...you have a way of putting it right into perspective dont ya?
2006-09-13 03:07:04 · update #1
He's 11, in 6th grade
2006-09-13 03:15:50 · update #2
Thanks Lissette, but don't you think your jumping the gun a little assuming that I'll have 3 serious relationships a year and need counseling to figure that out when I havn't even really started dating yet?
2006-09-13 03:20:11 · update #3
Only you know your son's personality. If you know that he is just out to sabotage a relationship, you need to be "Mom" and tell him that while you love him, you are not obligagated to tell him. If you think he just wants to meet the guy or give you opinions it can't hurt to let him know about the relationship, but all the while make sure he knows that he comes first. Lying never hurt a kid either, my parents told me I had a 200 IQ, turns out I'm as dumb as a stump. ;) Just my thoughts, could be wrong. Good question.
2006-09-13 03:50:19 · answer #1 · answered by Sausage Fingers™ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not telling him what he doesn't have to know isn't lying after all he is a child and you are the parent you are only trying to protect him.
You are going to have to set some sort of system up with him. You have a right to date and he has a right to know but somehow discuss at what point he can know.
What I would recommend is that he may know OF the person you are dating maybe name and what he does and few other details but he does not have to meet with him, have him over for dinner or have him attend family functions. When things get serious then of course your son wil meet him and he can learn more about him.
2006-09-13 10:27:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would just be very open with him and tell him that even though u might go out on a date with someone doesnt mean that it will be anything more than friends or a chance to get out into the social scene again. I would also tell him that if you thought that you had found someone special that after you he would be the first to know. Be open with him and try to answer any questions that he may have. Depending on your son's age, you could go into detail or just leave things plain and simple. Yes, children are going to be protective of you they love you and dont want to see you get hurt. I hope this helps.
2006-09-13 10:09:45 · answer #3 · answered by baby j 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I dont think I would lie to him, but I wouldnt give him the full scoop either...
Just because you date someone doesnt mean it starts out as a "serious" thing... Let him know that you are going out with a friend....
If the relationship does progress in a positive way, then you may want to expand on your initial answer, but only if it seems like a lasting thing.....
My daughter never met my husband until I was sure that things were going to go somewhere between he and I..... I didnt want her to be confused or hurt by another man!!!
2006-09-13 10:15:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's good you let them know the truth. Just continue that. There's nothing wrong with checking the guy out 1st before bringing him home. Just make sure someone knows whats going on (other family, friend) for safety reasons. And be careful not to shut the new guy totally out of your kids life. After all they are a part of you. You don't want to get so close to the guy and then bring him around and he's a total stranger to your kids
Good Luck
2006-09-13 10:09:51 · answer #5 · answered by vacera g 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't lie to him. Assure him you love him and won't leave him. Tell him about who where and when you are going. Always come home and try to call him while you are out. Don't bring anyone home until it is serious. Try to include him in day dates when you are seeing someone regularly. Help him to establish a relationship with him. Assure him you will be safe by telling him what precautions you implement. Make regular "mommy/son dates" a routine too so that he won't get jealous of you spending all of your free time somewhere else.
2006-09-13 10:25:51 · answer #6 · answered by GrnApl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him. When you meat someone, explain to him that you just met and you don't know the man very well so therefore aren't planning on introducing anyone, but that you'll keep him posted. Or you could simply tell him that you'll let him know if you find anyone promising. Your son is old enough to ask these questions and so probably deserves an honest answer. I think it would be better in the long run if you were open and honest with him.
2006-09-13 10:09:21 · answer #7 · answered by christina_m_taft 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this is what I do with my kids, I know it may not work for alot of single parents but I have 3 kids, and when I go to a date I tell them I am going out tonight with some friends, yes friends not a friend, this way they do not know I am going on a date to see if there is something there or not, and its ok to say you are seeing someone, but also let them know that there still number 1 in your life no matter what happens, make it a positive understanding way for a child to understand, cause your child there is no one in your life, just explain that you have a fiend as well that you like, and that if all goes well one day if it is right they will be introduced as a friend, make sure though that he understands the guy you find to date that you are his friend to your child unless more progresses, your child will thank you in the end I know mine do.
2006-09-13 10:08:43 · answer #8 · answered by Sassy H 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't lie to my kids. I tell them what they need to know. If your child is old enough to be asking, he should get an answer. I think you're taking the right approach and yes I believe Lothario's answer probably holds a little truth too. Sorry.
2006-09-13 10:14:13 · answer #9 · answered by sneakyfker 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have always told my kids when I was going out. They know that a date is just two people getting to know each other a little bit.. Sometimes over a cup of coffee or going to dinner. Does not mean that you are jumping into a relationship for someone.
2006-09-13 10:58:16 · answer #10 · answered by Sue B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋