we live in Oklahoma and he hasn't seen our son in over 10yrs and hasn't paid child support in that long either does he still have legal parental rights. I want to get back child support but I don't want him to have visition. He is a violent drunk and we have a protective order against him. If anyone has any info. it would be great.
2006-09-13 02:43:35 · 28 answers · asked by butterflyaht1 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
(Some of the advice on here is scary and not at all based in reality or actual knowledge. Be careful!)
I can answer based on Uniform Parenting Code, experience and common sense, not necessarily Oklahoma-specific Code. Disclaimer: I am not an attorney and this is not intended to be legal advice. All of the states are pretty uniform on this issue, though. The court is obligated to investigate the possibility of reunification. You will have to put up a fierce fight, because the decision could go either way: either he has had enough time to "change," or he has abandonded the child. In either case, they could order gradual re-introduction and limited visitation. To keep him away, you'll most likely have to show how he is still in the same pattern of alcohol abuse and violence. Get witnesses and any public records (DMV, courts) you can find. Start keeping a handwritten log of events, conversations and phone calls. Use different pens and don't tear any pages out. People may be hesitant to testify if he is violent and if that is the case, you submit sworn declarations stating just that: "I spoke with so-and-so on this day and he/she says he/she is too afraid to get involved because of. . . " Hit him with anything and everything requiring formal response from him. Hire a PI if you can afford one, to find him driving drunk, getting in altercations, spending money he should be using on his child. Also file with Support Enforcement to seek criminal prosecution for Non-support, at the same time. Take pictures of his home and lifestyle, proving he has the means to pay. Hopefully you can wear him down. Not paying child support won't affect visitation, but you can send him the unwritten/unspoken message that you plan to make his life a living hell if he interferes with your son's life.
Without repeating all of it, sr78 (above) has the right ideas about "roadblocks." Any competent court will order psych evals and so forth. You might as well request all that you can. Terminating parental rights most likely will not happen without a concurrent adoption from a new father. I would file the petition though, just to keep him busy.
I wouldn't recommend any of this to someone who just wanted their ex to go away. In some cases, children are better off without the other parent. A "violent drunk" is incapable of contributing anything of value to a child and should be considered "dead."
And . . .unless he re-opens the case, you're best leaving the child support issue alone. Use it as your Ace in the hand. If you open up child support, he's opening up visitation. DON'T DO ANY OF THIS UNLESS HE INITIATES LITIGATION. IT COULD BACKFIRE ON YOU.
2006-09-13 03:04:41 · answer #1 · answered by georgia b 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know in my case that physical custody and legal custody were different things. Either can be shared. Physical custody is for physical well-being of the child and involves day-to-day decisions. Legal custody has to do with long-term decisions, passports, where your child goes to school, etc.
You should look into your documents to see what is there. He may have legal rights if that is not called out in your documents. You should probably request a change through your lawyer and get that fixed.
If you have a protective order against him, then he should not be able to see your son.
Also, when I was going for back child support, I was very specifically told (as my ex- does share only legal custody and does have visitation rights), that I cannot prevent my child from seeing the father even if he owes money to the state. They're (visitation and support) different issues.
The above is what applies in my state; it may be different for you. But, I think with the protective order, you will at least prevent him from seeing your child for now.
2006-09-13 09:51:22 · answer #2 · answered by ami 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Child support and visitation are 2 separate issues. If you have a protective order that covers you and the child-he HAS to abide by it and stay away. You can file for child support but you have to do so before the child passes the age of 18. After that, the child or the both of you only have until age 25 to attempt to get back support. Unfortunately, until his parental rights are terminated through the courts, he still has rights to the child.
2006-09-13 14:21:38 · answer #3 · answered by stacilynn26 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not only can you get child support without him visiting but you need to keep your protective order current. There is a section on violence when you fill out the paper work to get support. Meaning that they will go after him for the support and not tell him where you live because of the order and the violence. Also if he asks to see him say we will handle this in court. When you get to court tell the judge or your mediator thatuntil he goes to A.A. and anger management that if the court grants visitation(and thats a big if considering his history) that it be supervised until total completion of both programs. It wouldnt hurt to also ask the judge to make him take parenting classes. I had an ex that you are describing and I got everything I asked for in court. Remember NO VISITING ALONE UNTIL THE PROGRAMS ARE COMPLETED. e-mail if you need more info.Good luck
2006-09-13 10:08:22 · answer #4 · answered by arreis 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO he does not. And your son is or will be old enough to back that up. The law looks at it as "what's best for the childs best well being" So there is no way they would consider taking him from the home he knows and loves, and his SOLE caretaker and provider to put him in "dads" sad, sad, environment. Don't even worry about it. I know from experience. The only thing he has "legally" is a Protection order against him. You go girl! You stay strong and don't ever let anyone come between you and him, at this point you need each other, just as much as he needs and counts on you.
2006-09-13 09:49:42 · answer #5 · answered by liljewel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, he still has legal rights. You can file for sole custody with limited and supervised visitation. Why file? Because it protects you and your child. You can give the judgment to his school and the other party will not be able to just pick him up without your consent. Present the protective order with the custody filing. I don't know of any judge in his/her right mind that would allow a violent person unsupervised visitation.
As for the child support, file away! Visitation and support are 2 different issues and are treated as such.
2006-09-13 09:48:02 · answer #6 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to the local Child Support Enforcement Division to get the ball rolling with collecting back child support. They have a website on the Oklahoma DHS website. Also consult an attorney about the visitation! As much information as people can give you online, only an attorney can make it happen!
2006-09-13 10:14:14 · answer #7 · answered by Girl gone wild 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, he is still legally the childs father, whether he supports him or not. I think you can get back child support from him without him seeing the child. sounds like you have good reason to keep him away. Check with a lawyer about it, I believe they will give a free first consultation. You may ask a lawyer about how to you can go about him giving up his parental rights, but pay back child support. I don't know if that is an option, but maybe him not having rights is better than the money..... Good luck.
2006-09-13 09:54:21 · answer #8 · answered by Why do you ask? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately every parent has the right to see their child. You and your lawyer can try to set up roadblocks to prolong the process so it takes him longer to see the child but he will eventually see him. They will of course be in your home supervised by you for a few hours a weekend or in a place where he will be supervised by an appointed person of the court. First of all fill out forms for "motion to set hearing", explain that you want child support payments set up (so he will have to submit his sworn financial affidavit), you want him to complete mental health professional sessions and parenting classes BEFORE seeing your child and would like a certificate to prove that he's attended. You also would like him to attend AA meeting for a certain period of time before seeing your child. You can also request that he attend Anger management sessions also. In order for him to get all of these in order may take at least a year so that will buy you some time.
By the way, you should have been collecting child support, you now will still have it coming to you plus interest but your child deserved that money and you could have put it in a college fund for him all these years.
Either way, go to the court and get all forms in order or get a lawyer right away. There is no time to waste when it comes to your child, do it now.
2006-09-13 10:03:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can tell you from experience that as a parent, you rson is way better off with you. I have an ex husband who is currently serving life in a nevada prison for touching his step daughter, but he is suppose to be paying child support for the 2 girls we share together, given the circumstances he is currently not. My best advice talk to a lawyer, if you can't afford one go through legal aide, they are designed to help ppl with out alot of money. As long has he is working you should be able to collect something, the government can also put a garnishment on any money owed to him(tax refund etc....). FYI...he finds out you want support, he may quit his job so he won't have to pay, also you never said why you have waited so long to collect? Anyway get in touch with a lawyer and see what they have to say.
2006-09-13 09:52:31 · answer #10 · answered by tina p 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋