When we first started dating he would text me or call me or email me all the time, now I get nothing. He only calls when he is on his way home which I never know with his job when that will be. He says he doesn't even have 2 seconds to just text me and say I am thinking about you. It's like we don't even talk anymore, we never go to bed at the same time and hardly never ever have sex??? I am in my 30'ds and so his he. I ask him why and all he says is that if he had the answers he would fix it. I ask him is it me, is it someone else he say no and that he loves me but I keep worrying about it, is it normal for someone to act like that? I work and come home and fix dinner and take care of his daughter and my children. He doesn't come to bed until 2 am and doesn't get up and go to work until we have all gone. I asked him does he want me to move out and he says no you are not going anywhere I love you but I can't keep doing this with him. Any suggestion?? PLEASE!
2006-09-13 02:09:16 · 19 answers · asked by heart2heart27958 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ok I have talked to him and wrote him emails just incase he couldn't tell me in person. He still says he has no answers?? I mean after I moved here for him he started going out with his friends and leaving me at home to watch his daughter and my sons, then we were going to Bike week in Myrtle Beach and we couldn't find a sitter so I stayed and he went for 9 days. Then he come back and the following weekend went to Charlotte for his friends b-day and I watched the kids. I am in a spot I don't know how to get out of? I moved in with him, and then everything started to go south, I feel like I am here just to take care of the house go to work and take care of his daughter. His daughter loves me to death and doesn't want me to go anywhere. I am the only person she talks to and she loves it when I am home. I work, I take care of the yard sometimes. I do everything, and he know that right now I can't go anywhere until I save enough money for a down payment on a place for my boys and me!!!LOST
2006-09-13 04:22:27 · update #1
What I'm hearing is a guy who can say he loves you but then subsequently does not act like a guy who's IN love. When he tells you he doesn't have the the answers it really means that he hasn't truly convinced himself that there's a problem. In the meantime, another day passes.
I disagree with most of the others on here. I say yes he could still love with you. However, his priorities are definitely out of sync. Right now he is guided more by his personal freedoms than wanting to strengthen his relationship with you and that is what could break up the relationship in the end.
I think I know where you're coming from with these questions (that are all related, btw). I got your message but couldn't reply because it said you hadn't yet confirmed your e-mail address. Send me another message through Yahoo! Answers when you've confirmed your e-mail addy. [Don't give me your e-mail addy so that your anonymity is maintained, but just confirm it through Yahoo! Answers and send me a message through Yahoo! Answers b/c if you don't, the last time I'll be able to contact you will be your third and final question (and only one answer per person]
2006-09-13 06:45:17 · answer #1 · answered by Sin™ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you sincerely want to seek out an answer, first see if it's something irritating you're doing that he's unhappy about. Or maybe it's coz you're always complaining about him 'being quiet". This sometimes makes a man irritated, and if his nature is similar as mine, he'd surely shut his mouth without uttering a word in frustration. A man needs some space, just like a woman needs some liberty.
Analyze yourself. I don't know you people personally so I can't give any concrete solution to your problem. Maybe something at work is troubling his mind that he doesn't want to share with you, so that it doesn't upset you, or maybe something uncool from you or your maternal side is bothering him.
Try to talk to him, but for God's sake not at the time he's just arrived from work. It could be a weekend or an aranged long drive where you can touch the topic and ask him sweetly, keeping your patience, about his sluggish behaviour.
Maybe he's having second thoughts about your relationship as his daughter and your children might not be not getting along well, so he might be worried about his daughter's future.
As for sending you sms, don't overdo it. You'll frighten him off. So, just don't act like a young teenager.
2006-09-13 09:22:40 · answer #2 · answered by The Invincible Rasputin 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes life doesn't allow you much personal time and its part of the real world, you obviously are past the so-called "honeymoon stage" of your relationship and if he tells you he loves you and he doesn't want you to leave...except his words, he is probably just exhausted with work and everyday life, sometimes things don't go exactly how you want them too. If you love him, Trust Him. It may help for you to work on your self-esteem issues too (insecurity can be a turn-off too) , just because he is not feeling sexual at this time, doesn't mean he don't love you or want you. It just means he has stress, be understanding, don't assume he's cheating or don't love you, plan a special evening with him, get a baby sitter and go away for a night to a hotel or just to dinner. A relatioship takes work and if he's worth it, give it a try..
2006-09-13 09:22:36 · answer #3 · answered by Charmed 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know; one of the possibilities is that he's genuinely busy, and now that he's got you around he doesn't have to worry as much about the domestic stuff anymore (food, kids), and this arrangement is satisfactory to him. He may love you, and want you around, but he may not have a pressing need to spend much time with you. If your need for spending time with him differs greatly from his need, it will create problems in the long run. It's not necessarily his or your fault, it's just your needs are different from his. Perhaps you can work with him and meet in the middle somehow. Or, maybe he's just not the man for you.
2006-09-13 09:19:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
sometimes with the stress of bills,partnership,childeren,work etc men become emotionally drained and shut down.then he feels that you are not happy(how he interperets your rightful concern on the state of affairs)and that adds to the toll piling up on him.i say give it time,be supportive,try to unload on your other outlets-girlfriends etc,take the kids for a day away to the park,live your life in the next few weeks including as much fun as you can muster.perhaps he'll take note in what he is missing and at the same time have stress reduction...leading to communication and sex.Good luck!!
2006-09-13 09:22:12 · answer #5 · answered by lotsalovetanya 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get really busy for a few days. Buy tickets to a play, go to a movie. At least three days be out of touch. He is taking you for granted. You need to shake it up sometimes.
2006-09-13 10:50:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I want to break this down with you because you have the same problem that I have and I am 41 and married for 18 years. Item 1 you guys started dating and you both would call each other and email each other and now you get nothing....Well the reason for that is when we start off doing something we do it just to get the ball rolling and after a while when the fire has died down then we tend to stop doing what got us where we are in the relationship I wouldn't say that it is all the man's fault in any case some of the time it is us too and that is what hurts the relationship to a big magnitude.
Item 2 He says that he doesn't have not even two seconds to text you and see how you are....Well that area I have the same problem see my husband works long ours and when I do call him he tells me he is busy and no time to talk....Well here's where we as women fail in the understanding cataglory we want all of the attention right now and not later and not trying to understand that they have a job to do. We tend to just think about ourselves and not about that they have to keep a roof over our heads and feed the kids. (Trust me I am speaking from experience!) In this area we need to be more understanding and less demanding.
Item 3 you says that he doesn't talk to you anymore but he confesses his love for you...Okay maybe it is just what I said about understanding maybe it depends on what time you talk to him I make the biggest mistakes all the time when I try to talk to my husband when he is tired or he has something on his mind. And believe me sometimes your understanding goes out the window but that is where we have to be strong at because believe it or not they need us there more than you ever know and yes he does loves you, because my husband tells me the same thing. Now my husband doesn't go to bed as let as yours does but still maybe he is tired and need to rest his brain, some men need that added rest and that will do them I know it does for my husband. Oh one thing you mentioned about having sex at the same time when you both go to bed, sometimes that doesn't happen just the other night that happened to me and all I could do is let him sleep and be understanding to what he is doing.
I know that it is tough for us women to be understanding but you know we have to because this is the life that we excepted and we went into this with our eyes open.
My suggestion to you is hang in there and try to be more understanding to what it is that he is trying to do...Now of course if you still feel that you are not getting the answers you want then feel free to check into his lifestyle and see for yourself. I know that is spying but how else are you going to know what is going on with him unless you take these underhanded methods to find out....My last thing I want to say to you is this I have been married for 18 years like I said before and a lot of the things that has happened has accumulated over a period of time they just didn't pop up over night... and most of all of the the things I am telling you might not pretain to you but I will say one thing that we do have in common and that is our understanding far as our men we need to do better and trust them and hope that what they are doing is the right thing and not the wrong....So far I haven't been wrong yet because he tells me he loves me too and all the things you man is telling you so lets sit back relax and try to make that understanding side of us come out and see what happens I bet we will both make out like a bandit.
And don't worry when it is time for sex he knows where to find you! Keep your chin up and I will be praying for you and me both in that area! Peace out!!!!:)
2006-09-13 09:37:51 · answer #7 · answered by beagirl40 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think someone has got a guilty consciounce and he doesnt want you finding out, or either he is just telling the truth , and he is always tired, but babe i am sure he has got something on his mind. Talk to him.x
2006-09-13 09:13:15 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell him that you need to be spending more time together like you used to, obviously something is on his mind because it sounds like he is avoiding you . tell him what you said here, you can't keep living this way with him, something has to change or you will end up leaving and see what he says.
2006-09-13 09:17:00 · answer #9 · answered by sweet serinity 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's cheating on you or thinking about it. And you asked him does he want me to move out? That means it's not his house.Basically, he's got it made where he's at .He dont want to leave knowing it's so easy to lie to you. Quit letting him get his way.
2006-09-13 09:22:45 · answer #10 · answered by Peaches 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋