i've loved a man who's 16 years older than me for four years then i got pregnant which made him marry me, afterr marriage he changed alot, he's treating me like a stranger because he says this marriage was imposed on him, he used to be crazy about me but now he doesnt even makes love to me, he wants us divorced, i've been so much hurt after two years of marriage , i'm sure i'll never love again . i feel i dont want c his face after divorce i dont want know that now he has someone else, besides i'm affraid of lonliness and worried about my daughter so much he's still a baby
2006-09-13 01:59:46 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The feelings that you have are completely natural especially when it seems that your marriage is coming very close to a divorce. I am going through one right now and my ex had treated me very poorly too but I still cared about him on some level (and even now but it is to a more removed or lesser extent if you will). I also thought of all of the negative outcomes of having to see him with some other chick, whether or not anyone would find the capacity to love me on a level that I deserved (because his selfish and nasty treatment was basically all that I knew), and trust me I definitely didn't want to see his face (and the less you see the better it will be to move on with your life). But considering that you are in the same perdicament as I am where you do have a child, you will have to suck it up and see him from time to time. The best recommendation for that is to keep conversations to a minimum and speak mainly about how your child is doing and things like that. As hard as it may be for you, do not let him see how badly everything is hurting you. This guy doesn't deserve the knowledge that you care for him because all it will do is boost his already inflated ego and if he is a real *** (and he sounds like he is) he might manipulate your emotions against you. I went through a very low time during the beginning of our separation. I was depressed and lonely and just was lost trying to find myself independently from the relationship that I was getting out of. It was hard to do and it is a long process but it does get easier if you allow yourself the proper amount of time to heal. The things that helped me get through were having a great support system of friends and family and dedicating my time to being a good mother to my daughter. Even as lonely as I felt and still do from time to time, I force myself to remember that life would be and indeed was a lot lonlier living with a man who did not give me the love and respect that I deserved. The only reason that you feel that you might not have the capacity to love again is because you have had your heart broken by someone who was never worthy of your love. You cared for him deeply and despite his reasonings as to why he entered the marriage, he does not have to make you his punching bag by causing you such emotional distress. You will be able to find love again with someone who will treat you well and bring joy to your life rather then a world of pain. First though, you must take the time to love yourself first and the first step to this is getting out of this marriage before you allow yourself to be hurt more by a man who apparently only cares about himself. Do you want your child growing up in a home where the foundations and examples of a relationship are demonstrated by a man who doesn't show any compassion or love to his spouse and where the wife stays clinging on in hopes that this man will change his mind and profess his love? It will give this child such a mixed up idea of what love is and it appears that if you entertain the idea of staying with him, then you obviously also have a tainted and mixed up idea of what constitutes a healthy relationship and love. There are going to be worries about leaving but you can do it (many, many other women have done so and succeeded with myself included). Things might be appear worse as you go through the emotional rollercoaster of divorce but it will be best for you and your daughter not to have this man in your life as a husband. He has told you that he doesn't want to be there and that he was pressured in (though I am sure no one held a gun to his head) so tell him if he's so unhappy that you will leave. Please don't make the mistake of staying in a bad marriage out of fear of change...You will find yourself happier in the long run which will make you a better parent to your daughter and set an example to her that you don't have to put up with bad treatment no matter what the circumstance is. I wish you the best of luck in whatever decision that you choose but please don't base relationships or love solely on some man who isn't worth your time or effort. You can find happiness and stability in your new found freedom whether it is independently or with another man when you are ready, but there are so many possibilities out there for you if you just be strong and take the step to get out of the familiar and bad and seize what lies ahead in the future. Good Luck:)
2006-09-13 04:31:21 · answer #1 · answered by serenity113001 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Linda, I'm very sorry you are experiencing hard times right now, I know how you feel and everything is frightening we fear the unknown but please trust me this experience will only make you stronger. This happening is actually a great thing for you, you just don't want to let go of the past b/c that is what you know and are used to, you don't want to believe this b/c you are not ready to let go but as soon as you stop fighting it you'll be surprized at how easy this will be. Why do I say it is a great thing b/c doors are opeing themselves to you soon you will have sooo many opportunities available to you, you never thought exsisited... For every bad thing that happens there will be good. Remember when in the dark what God told you in the light! Trust! There is something bigger and better out there waiting for you it isn't going to shin forth until you lossen your grip and let go... You and you daughter don't need this, he'll always be her father but if you get this divorce he'll probably be a better father to her then if you were to insist on staying... Do not fear! There is nothing to fear - financially he'll pay child support and maybe alomony there are jobs available you'll be fine and for the loanliness aren't you already in the worse way b/c you are waiting for he and he isn't there anyway! Find you someone that will love you and your daughter for who you both are and you will see it's a fact that you can find love again he's probably already waiting for you to enter his life!
There is someone for everyone and he is not your someone he is an immiture old man that doesn't even realize what he's giving up and that's all fine and well b/c you now are on to bigger and better life changes! No one wants their marriage to not work out but let me tell you if the man I married ever said that our marriage was imposed on an a burden to him he'd be gone! He isn't worth the time or life you could have given him, if he wan'ts to be miserable then miserable he will get! Has he not made you miserable and left feeling unwanted, Be stong and turn the table.... Try to see the good that you and your daughter will get out of this b/c good is all there is left!
2006-09-13 02:33:27 · answer #2 · answered by sophia_of_light 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to stop letting your FEAR dominate your life. I know it's tough, I went through a divorce too. I also had a lot of fear, guilt, you name it. But what I can tell you is that afterwards both me and my baby girl were so much better off! I didn't realize the emotional drain the marriage was putting on us both until it was gone. It felt like 1,000 pounds had been lifted from my shoulders. My whole outlook on life changed, and so did my daughters. I, too thought I would never love or marry again -and thats ok. But eventually, I got stronger and was able to have healthy relationships again. I have since remarried and have been married for 14 years now. My advice - hang on and get through this, you'll come out the other side a better, stronger, and more mature person. Especially cling to your spiritual roots, whatever they may be. This will comfort you and give you the strength you need for you AND your child.
2006-09-13 02:06:14 · answer #3 · answered by jeanniemalinda 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, what are the liberals going to tell you now, after they mock not having sex before marriage and think it's great. Of course, most of them would have preferred that you would have gotten an abortion, anyway. I wish that these liberals could be sent to the mental hospital.
At this point, the only thing you can do is leave the responsiblity for the wrongdoing on him. HOLD ON...I NOTICE THAT THE LIBERALS ARE BUTTING IN AND PROVIDING MORE BAD ADVICE! DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE INTIATE THE DIVORCE AND DO NOT FIND ANOTHER MAN!
If you do, then you would be committing adultery. Repeat: Leave the resposibility for the wrong doing on him. Do not listen to these liberals - they're not qualified to answer and many of them are in their teens!
Since you haven't been unfaithful, he has no moral grounds for divorcing you, and I don't know what the law would say about child support.
I feel for you, but it looks like you're going to be joining the ranks of the "single moms," which have become the new American culture brought about because people listen to liberals. You're going to have to deal with it, but don't go from man to man at this point.
2006-09-13 02:13:05 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It seems your husband liked the idea of having a pretty young thing, carefree and fun. Now you have become a wife and responsibility.
Although you are younger it seems your husband is the immature one. It is probably best that you get out now rather than be mistreated. You feel now you won't love again but I promise you will.
As far as your daughter, it is better for you to split now rather than let her see the dysfunction between you two for years then go through the trauma of a divorce when she's old enough to blame herself.
I know it's hard but be brave and make sure you get what is owed you (child support, spousal support) so that you don't have to struggle financially on top of everything. There are so many men who will love you, for you and your daughter too!
Good LUCK!
2006-09-13 02:04:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not working..and you're only making yourself go crazy! THinking about WHO he's with and WHAT he may be doing! I divorced my 1st husband because we just hated each other..he NEVER wanted to be a father...and I got pregnant...(*of course he forgets he was there TOO!) and our families FORCED us to do the right thing...I was miserable and he was cheating and abusing me daily...we were married 5 yrs and lived under the same room for less than 6 months in that entire 5 yrs...
When I divorced him..I was scared and felt alone..BUT I had 2 children with this "term loosely used" man! BUT I'd rather be alone and miserable and have JUST myself to blame..OR I could be alone, miserable and have HIM and MYSELF to blame!
I KNEW there was someone out there eventually that I would meet and fall in love with and yes...get remarried!! It took me almost 10 years after my divorce..BUT I am happily remarried *the ex is STILL alone and miserable! with 2 additional children! Let him go...and see that even though you're alone NOW..that won't be forever!! TRUST ME!!
2006-09-13 02:21:16 · answer #6 · answered by just me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should leave. You should have enough self-respect and dignity to find a man who will want and love you. You shouldn´t be with somebody who doesn´t want or love you anymore. If the marriage is going sour after 2 years, imagine how it will be like in 10 or 20? Leave now while your daughter is still young.
2006-09-13 02:14:31 · answer #7 · answered by Green-Eyed Gal 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont worry.. although u feel lost and scared.. u will survive, and u'll survive because of your baby.. he's a little boy trapped in a mans body and u deserve a real man someone that will not only love u but your daughter, dont give up on love cause of an idiot.. u deserve happiness.. just realize he's imature.. and he is an idiot and that u and ur daughter deserve alottttttttttt better..
2006-09-13 02:34:40 · answer #8 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
divorce is a very scary thing. Its going to be tough but if he wants a divorce than maybe that's what you should give him. Love can be the most amazing feeling and the most heart wrenching also. Its better to move on while your child is young. You will find love again. Best wishes.
2006-09-13 02:05:04 · answer #9 · answered by angeleyez 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
listen...you cant let this situation determine if you will ever love again-it will be harder but never impossible-unless you let it turn you into a stone and shut off...its natural to be afraid of divorce because noone ever plans on getting one in the first place...if hes not gonna give you what you need and want -its better to let the marriage go..you dont have to have any relationship after the divorce-the only relationship should be between he and his daughter..put yourself back together and move on for you and your child
2006-09-13 02:07:59 · answer #10 · answered by jess 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋