I have been with the same guy for 9 years and he use to ask me all the time to marry him but I was happy the way we were. I thought why mess up things when they are fine the way they are. Now 9 years and 2 kids later he absolutly refuses to marry me. I would really like to have the same last name as my kids. And my daughter is starting to ask why her and I have different last names. Should I give up. Is it why buy the cow cause the milk is free type of thing. Please someone give me good advise.
2006-09-13 01:39:30 · 37 answers · asked by Lealea 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The advice I have given so many was too watch that their actions do not backfire. Now you refusal to marry has backfired on you. Can you blame the guy.
2006-09-13 01:42:25 · answer #1 · answered by robsnor 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I dont think its a why buy the cow cuz the milk is free kinda thing... HE HAS been with you for nine years!!!
Maybe ask him why he has changed his mind and doesnt want to get married now... Sit down and tell him how you feel, and listen to what he says too...
Im not sure where you live, but a lot of states would consider you common law married by now, and you may or may not be able to change your last name to his in your situation??? check with your local family court and see.....
Or, maybe after yall have your talk, he will realize that when he proposed to you in the past, you just werent ready, and now you are..... I wouldnt give up either way... If you love him (which im assuming you do if you want to be married to him) let him figure out what it is he wants out of the relationship now...
As for your daughter, you didnt say how old she was, but I recommend telling her the truth in a way that she would understand that its not a bad thing!!!!
2006-09-13 01:52:21 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not blame you one bit. I would have a serious talk with ur kids father. Tell him all that. Wow, 9 years is a long time. I guess my main question for him would be why not? Because he use to want to. Figure that out then I would go from there. You have to make urself happy, and if you want to be married, then go for it. Just talk to him. Perhaps seek the advise of a counselor, they can really help and you will feel so much better.
2006-09-13 01:46:39 · answer #3 · answered by LeeLynn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you thought this guy was the one, you should be wondering where your engagement ring was after 6 months of dating. Guys don't hesitate when they want to marry someone - when they DO, that means you're not the one for them but a lot of times they stay around because no one better has come into the picture. You enabled this guy not to ever marry you. You lived with him, had his kids (I mean, you could've said "I won't have children unless I'm married." You created this whole situation yourself.
My husband took me ring shopping after 1 month of dating, proposed 3 months later to try and surprise me. When it's right, the guy moves quickly.
The man you're with isn't really the right one for you.
2006-09-13 01:56:17 · answer #4 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he refuses carry on as it is if he still loves you.Name matters not as long as both of you look after the future of innocent children.To my opinion only the paper is not there but otherwise you have already married nine years ago have been living together and two children were borne too.But make sure that he will not discard you and your children and then file a case.
2006-09-13 01:47:11 · answer #5 · answered by JILMAAL 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess you partner might have been very exhausted from that situation of refusals in the beginning, until he finally gave up. So I think it is not right of your to insist any further. It would be wiser to accept the choice you made some years ago and find a way to explain this to your daughters.
2006-09-13 01:47:15 · answer #6 · answered by Amantia A 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's probably just paying you back for not marrying him when he asked. Men can be very stubborn lol, I should know.
I wouldn't give up on it though. Don't ever give up, things will work out if they're meant to be. You may have hurt him when you refused to marry him. It's gotta be a crushing blow to any man's ego if he proposes and the woman refuses, and ego is a big thing when it comes to us men.
2006-09-13 01:44:48 · answer #7 · answered by bad_dog76 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think the answer is obvious. You said, "he use to ask me all the time to marry him." So, he has proposed to you many times and you have rejected him many times. He must think that you don't want him as much as he wants you. And, he may be thinking that perhaps you need a little of your own medicine.
Furthermore, you said, "I would really like to have the same last name as my kids." Do you really think that sound like love? No, it sounds like a matter of convenience. Even your reason for getting married is a rejection of him personally. Heck, I wouldn't marry you either.
You have a lot of work to do to convince him that you value him as a friend, lover, parent, ally, and life partner.
2006-09-13 01:51:09 · answer #8 · answered by Otis F 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he feels like he is happy the way it is now. Marriage is not whats it is cracked up to be! At least he is with you even if you are not married after 9 yrs! Just love him for being him!
2006-09-13 01:43:09 · answer #9 · answered by kolowski4 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe it's some sort of "get back at her" thing. I really don't know what exact reasons he would have for not wanting to get married now, if he used to be the one that brought it up all the time. Sit down and discuss how you feel about things...maybe he'll understand then.
2006-09-13 01:43:59 · answer #10 · answered by ink_collector 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋