my name is sharyll my friend was married 10 years back . and she loved her husband a lot but her husbnd never took her seriously . she is very beautiful but he is very elder to her so he is not that pasionate for her she has kids but her sex life is zero now she has found a man who is her age and he is very attracted to her and madly in love with her he is redy to keep her kids but my friend still thinks that her kids should have their real father so she is killing her feelings due to which she is very depressed i can say she is dying inside but she is quiet . i want her to love the guy who loves her so much but the guy tells her she should divorce her husbnd or he will never touch her she tries to be normal to her husband but he is very negitive with her becoz he is 10 yers older to her she has many desires in her heart but she cnt full fill it she made her husband understand this a thousand time but no use.plese tell me what is better for at this stage?
2006-09-13 01:28:04 · 12 answers · asked by jasmine 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
THE PROB IS AFTER A FEW YEARS OF MARRIEGE COUPLES DONT ENJOY SEX ANYMORE.IF SHE GETS MARREID TO THE NEW GUY ANOTHER TWO OF THREE YRS AND THE SAME SITUATION WOULD ARISE.MOST OF THE PEOPLE IF GIVEN A CHOICE WOULD LIKE TO HAVE SEX WITH SOMEBODY ELSES WIFE.DO YOU KNOW WHY BEC WE HAVE INSTITUTIONALISED SEX WITH MARRIEGE.IT MAY BE GOOD FOR THE FAMILY LIFE TO GET MARRIED BUT MARRIEGE KILLS THE DESIRE OF SEX.ONCE MARRIED YOU DONT HAVE TO FIGHT FOR SEX YOU DONT HAVE TO HUNT FOR SEX, YOU JUST HAVE TO HAVE SEX.YOUNG CHILDREN DONT WANT TO HAVE THEIR FOOD BECAUSE WE FORCE THEM TO HAVE FOOD.IT IS ALWAYS THERE FOR THEM, SO THEY TAKE IT FOR GRANTED, THEY BECOME CHOOSY.I HOPE I AM MAKING SENSE.SO IF YOU CHOOSE MY ANS AS THE BEST ANS I WILL TELL YOU HOW TO SOLVE THE PROB OF SEX WITH THE FIRST HUSBAND.
CHANGING YOUR PERMENENT FOOD IS NOT THE SOLUTION , AGAIN YOU WILL NEED OUTSIDE FOOD.
2006-09-13 01:46:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can't help wondering if your "friend" is actually yourself.
If it is not, then I am afraid it's her problem and all you can do is be there and let her talk through her stuff with you. Try not to make suggestions or judgements. Try not to appear shocked at what she tells you or to take sides with her or her husband. It is not your responsibility to sort this out for her.
If it is you, then you have all the answers you need but you will need help excavating them from all the stuff you have allowed yourself to absorb about what's right and wrong, good or bad. You have a duty to your children, (as does your husband,) but your first duty is to yourself. You can't help anyone to be happy unless you are happy. You must take responsibility for your own fulfillment, and if that means upsetting someone else, well that's unfortunate. But no-one has more right to happiness than anyone else.
Some of the other people who have answered this suggest that she should talk to her husband. I think that will help as long as they both acknowledge that there is a problem. He may not know how she is feeling. A relationship behind his back is, I think, likely to add to the problem because she may then feel guilty on top of everything else.
If she no longer loves her husband, she should think seriously about what to do next if continuing to live with him is not working. But the answer may not be falling straight into a relationship that is based on fire and passion just because she has been missing that. Some time to think clearly would be useful.
2006-09-13 08:48:35 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im not sure abt this kind of realationship.Bcoz im married fir 13 years n still happy with my life now.I think your friend shld sit n have a nice chat wif her hubby and tell whats bothering her inside all this years.Men are likely to be more romantic when we have our first love,but tend to be slack awy when had been married more than 4 years.Not that they dont love or care,but they do not know how to show their loves especially 2wards their wives.They kinda busy wif work so they left all wives to be by themselves.The loneliness mayb struck your friend.Anyway,she have children that she really adored most.Her children will missed her father n I think the children really or quite closed to their own father.So pleas make a wise decision not for your friend but for her children.They need love more.
2006-09-13 08:36:58 · answer #3 · answered by Naza 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she is so miserable in this marriage, she needs to do what is right for her. Her kids will be fine with her being separated from their dad, they'll probably be happier if she's happier. I'm not saying she should have an affair, but she should divorce her hubby, then start a relationship with the other guy.
2006-09-13 08:47:31 · answer #4 · answered by Squirrel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you're trying to live out your own romantic fantasies through her, and you should stop. Your friend is married and has children. If anything, you should encourage her to stop flirting and focus on making her marriage better. If he doesn't take her seriously, she should address the issue with him, find out why, and take steps to make him stop treating her that way. If her sex life is zero, she needs to address this with her husband too, and make clear to him what her physical needs are. She should not start up a relationship with another man, because she has children with this one, and kids do need their father.
2006-09-13 08:37:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sometimes in life people reach a point where they really do need to think about themselves...i can understand that with the children involved it is very hard for her to make a decision like this...
I would suggest she thinks about herself...bcus one day the children will grow up and go their separate ways....where will u be then....alone with a husband who doesn't care..
Alot of thought needs to be given into whether a short time separation is better to sort out her feelings and her position.
She should try to trust her instincts...if u have really found the man u love than why can't u share that with him... plz think abt urself.....
Ur children will understand one day, ur husband may not be happy either...so really u do need to try to talk to him first before making any serious decisions.....
U need to be sure.....
Good Luck and may God bless her with peace.
2006-09-13 10:15:48 · answer #6 · answered by snowflake 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone deserves to be happy and if your friend is miserable she shouldnt add to her misery by having an affair. She needs to divorce her hubby and her hubby needs to maintain a relationship with his kids. People staying together for the sake of children are FOOLING themselves...that sh*t does NOT work and your friend is proof of that...she is wallowing in misery and drama so the kids can be under the same roof with their daddy. Meanwhile she is living a lie and its not fair to anyone involved. I say she should divorce and move on.
2006-09-13 08:35:19 · answer #7 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is hard as she has kids too, but needs to be happy. She should talk to hubby about how she is feeling in this relationship and try and work it out!!!!!!
2006-09-13 08:31:36 · answer #8 · answered by mustanglady 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont be worried. And tell her that just carry on becoz I am with u at all.
2006-09-13 08:53:40 · answer #9 · answered by Harshal M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend needs to figure this one out for herself. You can't put your two cents in, she has to live with the results not you. Just be there for her.
2006-09-13 08:32:29 · answer #10 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋