Can a marriage survive with no common goals?

Question

My husband and I don't do anything together. We don't pay bills together, don't discuss our goals together, don't have common goals. He pays his bills--I pay mine. He does whatever he wants to do and I do whatever I want to do. Am I trippin or is this NOT a healthy marriage. If we can't agree on things or work on things together, shouldn't we look for more fullfilling relationships?

There is no reason for me to ask him that question. It hasn't always been this way and now he seems to think this is the best way to conduct our relationship. I am simply looking for confirmation of what I already know. OR that someone would say that their relationship was similar and that they were surviving and thriving.

I married my hubby because I love him deeply. I am not talking or thinking of an "affair". That's disgusting. What I meant is that should we divorce and find relationships that will be more like relationships (i.e. partnership, best friends, working together toward a future, sharing everything, and so forth)

Answer 1

Marriages survive for less reasons than uncommon goals......Not sure if this is a reason for seeking satisfaction elsewhere, however. Sounds like this can be resolved with some counseling. I'm guessing you can find something you both enjoy doing together since you obviously married. Something had to bring you together in the first place, correct? Good Luck!

Answer 2

You sound more like roomates then a married couple. I think some marriages can survive that if there is an understanding between you that this is what you want out of a marriage. But it sounds to me that this is not what you want.

It sounds like if you want to save your marriage you need to talk to a therapist. If he is unwilling to go with you, take that as a big clue that he's not that committed to fixing the problem. And then, go by yourself and work on some self discovery and on not repeating the pattern in future relationships.

I agree with a previous poster, you have a lot to do before thinking about finding a more fulfilling relationship. Having an affair right now is the worst thing you can do to him and to yourself.

Answer 3

If you go one way and he the other, your marriage will never work. Marriage is about being together and doing things together. If you can't even communicate, your marriage will not survive. I have been there and now my marriage is over. If you can't work it out, then I suggest you find someone else. I am in a more fulfilling relationship now. I love my gf, we share everything. You need to be with someone who has things in common with you etc. Good luck!

Answer 4

Well I know how you feel. I am having the same kind of problems. We are more like room mates rather than we are in love. But you can only answer your question. It depends on how the 2 of you feel about one another. If you want your marriage to work try talking to him about your concerns if you haven't all ready. If you are still unhappy and he can't see eye to eye then it won't work. The 2 of you need to be on the same page and work as a team in order for it to work. But I know it probably irritates you and hurts you to see other couples that do everything together. I know it does me I hope everything works out the way you want it. But smile cause that always brightens a persons day.

Answer 5

It sounds sad to me. Maybe the 2 of you should plan a time to sit down & talk. I don't know how you have a marriage with no communication.Try counseling before you give up. My wife & I are best friends and I wish the same for you. If your husband isn't willing then you have to decide if you are fulfilled enough to stay in the relationship.

Answer 6

Its very easy to file for a divorce.
Its not easy to be married. Which way are you going to take. Just because of something so simple like this you are thinking divorce? Thats the wimps way out. Try and find a way that you can fix this problem. Find something new that the both of you like to do. My husband and I do not like to do the same things ever. I have been trying to find something that would bring us closer so I suggested we try out camping. Neither one of us had done it before. He got to drink his beer in the woods and make fire and I got to read my book. But we would talk about what we need to buy for the next time, go swimming together, cook together, etc..
Try and find something new for the two of you to try. And just because you don't like the things he does doesn't mean that you can't make an effort to find something in that can suit you.

Answer 7

This is not a healthy marriage, it's more like two people living under the same roof. You need to have something in common with your spouse or the relationship won't last long.

Answer 8

I don´t think it can. Has it always been this way since the beginning, or has one of you changed? How long have you been married? I suggest you try counseling. The way you described it, it sounds like it´s just two people living together leading seperate lives, not a marriage.

Answer 9

i think that you should try to make your current relationship more fullfilling. why did you get married anyway, it had to of been this way before you got married because things don't change that drasticaly after marriage. it sounds you guys are still in the dating mode. you should go see a counsler and learn what a marriage is supposed to be...a team. if he doesn't want to go that route, than maybe you should look into ending it.

Answer 10

You're roomies not spouses. Get out and find something more fulfilling before you are weighed down with the additional responsibilites of little feet. Believe me he won't be a party to that either. If you are left to your own devices then you might as well be on your own. It sounds like you are taking care of yourself anyway. Next time find the answer to this question before you take the plunge.