why do we say such horrible things to our children.?

Question

like i will murder you if you do that again , my gran used to say things like i will skin you alive if i catch you doing that again. Also our hand gestures are quite violent and agressive , when we want something to stop we gesture cutting our throats, Do you think we are just inherintly violent?

Answer 1

I think some people just think kids are little adults and understand that you aren't really going to skin them alive. However, kids actually think in the literal sense, and that's why sayings like that are wrong to say to a child.

Answer 2

People say silly things to their children all the time without really thinking of how the child will percieve what they have just said. Adults forget that children will quite often take things literally but that doesn't necesarily mean that the parent is bad or inherintly violent!


Take a look at yourself and see things that you would say to friends or collegues...like I'll kill you if you do that!!! In many instances these things are said as a joke and are taken by our friends as a joke.....again people tend to forget that many children won't understand that aspect of it.

I think people are generally just silly and sometimes don't think about what they say and the effect it will have. I don't believe that for most people we are naturally violent....just in a small number of cases....Remember we can all be agressive in what we say at times but it's the ones who follow it through to the physical that are the true violent ones.

xxxx

Answer 3

Some brats need that but believe it or not, they become deaf to those kinds of phrases when we say them and use them over and over without acting upon them. They are actually quite useless unless we act out violently to back them up. Have you never swiped your knife hand across your throat to tell someone if they don't shut up, your *** is theirs? That gesture could mean anything from a time out to taking away their favorite toy to spanking them. They know you're not going to kill them (in normal families anyway). Skin you alive means getting your *** whupped. Sheesh, no need to take things so literally. Sometimes, you need to overemphasize with your gestures when you are not in a suitable situation to embarrass them in front of God and man. 'KNOCK IT OFF OR YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GET TO WATCH BOB THE BUILDER FOR THE NEXT SIX MONTHS!", would be quite inappropriate at Sunday Sermon in Church, don't you think. Little death threats (LOL!) never hurt 'em a bit! I feel that little hand gestures come in quite handy in the right situations. I would much rather do that than yell at them in front of people. Even when you are not in front of people, it doesn't matter what all the experts say, time outs do not work all the time. They are incredibly ineffective.

Translation is key here. When Grandma said she was going to skin your hide, I hope you knew she actually meant, I'm gonna spank your bottom. Know what I am saying? Kids are smarter than you think. They know, even if you say things you call violent, that your hand will probably never touch their bottom. You can go ahead and call yourself inherently violent, but I use all kinds of threats, and I am not violent at all. I have well behaved kids because they didn't know what to think, and wouldn't push their luck when I would tell them things like that. LOL! LOL! When you start chasing them around with a hatchet raised above your head, screaming those things, then, yes, I would say you are violent.

And what's this "WE" stuff? You got a mouse in your pocket? Use "I" statements.

Answer 4

It's a thing that adults do to their children. Even when they have learn't something at school and they tell their mum that they have learnt 2+2=4 and 4+4 = 8, there parents still don't praise their kids for learning it so well.
Parents are so strict, bad tempered and stubborn too, so when the children come home from school. The children don't tend to speak to there parents, because they are scared at being shouted at. Calm down and be patient with your kids when they misbehave. Don't shout at them. They may end up not talking to you, because you scared the living daylights out of them. As you frightened your kids by hitting them or shouting at them.
Listen to their explanations of the way they behave, so that your kids know that you can see life from their point of view.

Answer 5

The words are just threats to catch the attention. It's what happens or don't happen afterward that counts.
I never threatened to cut my child's head off, or skin her alive, but I did threaten to beat her azz, which got her attention, then if she didn't behave, I carried through with the threat! I didn't have to do it often, but she got it once or twice. Three whacks across the behind with an open hand, it always hurt her feelings and my hand worse than it hurt her physically.

Answer 6

This is such an excellent question? I wish there was a firm answer. I have done this awful thing myself, and then cringed later at the memory of what I said.

You might be right about the violence being innate.

Answer 7

We tend to get maddest at the people we love the most. Children included. Some of the phrases are just that just habits and bad word choices, they basically lose their meaning being said many many times. Children also know what buttons on certain people to push.

Answer 8

Blimey. I don't think I've ever gestured cutting my throat or threatened to murder my daughter. Mind you, I do keep her locked in a small cupboard for 23 hours of the day and feed her scraps.

;-)

Answer 9

I think people say things like that in passing, not thinking about what they are saying and who they are saying it to. Adults speak in exaggerations while children think literally. To an adult, something like "I am going to slit your throat" is an extreme used to describe how they would react to a situation, but a child does not understand that. Having two small children in my house, I have learned to think twice before saying something, because children interpret things much differently than adults. I do not think people are inherently violent, but I do think our culture has caused us to be a little more dramatic and sarcastic than children understand. We just have to be careful what we say, and be aware of who is in earshot of our comments.

Answer 10

I never really thought about it before but you are right. We do say things & make gestures that could be very scary.