As shallow & superficial as this will sound but i just want to know your thoughts on this. I am 24 & in a long term relationship with my boyfriend and its pretty much marriage material. The thing is that I am not really physically attracted to him but I think I do love him..I mean, what is love really??..I think the reason I'm staying is because I don't really want to go back into all that dating/single drama again. And also he is financially very well off which is something i guess all women want.. I don't want to be worried/stressed about bills/morgage payments etc in the future. I don't think I believe in love. I think if you stay with a person long enough you will grow to like (love) them..I know i sound cynical/pessimistic/stupid even..but thats how i feel. But I do have brothers who I would give my life for..I guess thats Love..When you will give your own happiness for another? What are your thoughts/advice on this? Anyone in the same situation? Or have been where I've been?
2006-09-13 00:25:31 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you sound like down the road you may turn into a "desperate housewife"...sorry to be blunt but i think you are misleading your boyfriend, if there is no physical attraction it will eventually take it's toll on your marriage and you will be tempted to look elsewhere for a the physical satisfaction, who knows, he may feel the same way down the road if he senses it in you...To sum my answer up, stability and comfort are nice things to have in a marriage but they are only a part of the whole picture..good luck to you
2006-09-13 00:31:52 · answer #1 · answered by Marvin C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I for one do believe in true love, as I have found my one person that compliments me. True love is when you wake up in the morning and he's the first thing you think about and the last thing before you fall asleep. Someone who is strong in areas where you are weak and vice versa. Someone who can make you laugh when you are at your worst. Money doesn't mean a thing in a relationship if there's no love there. And anything less isn't worth settling for. And the physical attraction, if there's nothing there, then there's no relationship. Many people won't admit it, but what goes on behind bedroom doors is a big part in a relationship. Physical satisfaction is just as important as emotional satisfaction. I would do anything in the world to keep a smile on my husbands face because it breaks my heart when he's sad, or upset, or angry. And he does the same thing. So, I can't tell you what to do, but if you don't experience these things, then it's not right, and you should not marry him, because the odds are, it won't last.
2006-09-13 08:12:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You raise a good question, because alot of ppl don't know what real love is.. Thing is..does anyone really know?? Maybe only a couple that have happily been together for years could tell us the secret of knowing what it is that makes it work..
To me, love is always taking the other persons feelings into consideration before doing anything.. Wanting to see them happy and doing the best to make them happy, BUT not at the expense of your happiness.. If you are not happy or fulfilled in the relationship, then eventually neither will they be..
If you are not physically attracted to him and only "think" you love him, then that puts you in the dangerous predictament of maybe finding someone that you are attracted to later on..and that would be at the expense of his feelings..
I have been where you are,,,and I would never do it again.. If I am not absolutely sure that that I have the feelings to make them and myself happy, then I cannot commit totally..and I would certainly NEVER consider marrying them.. That is fair to no one
2006-09-13 07:39:31 · answer #3 · answered by Termite 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been there and trust me it's not good! No amount of money would keep me with someone that I was not attracted to! When I first got into the relationship that I was in, like this one, I "thought" I was attracted to him and thought even though it was very little that it would grow but it did not! Then once I really seen his personality then he become more unattractive! At first I "thought" I would be able to fall in love with him as well so we moved in together into his very nice, dream house, that he designed, bought me evrything I asked for but none of that matter I can't be bought and I never did fall in love with this man. I ended up seeing three other people while in this realtionship then fianlly just had enough and moved out I couldn't live a lie and it just wasn't me! He was very hurt but better to be honest then in a situation you're not happy with.
Money or not I would rather spend my time with someone I am attracted to, that I love and that will work with me on buying things instead of buying those things for me... I wanted someone I could grow with and there was no growing with him he' d done it all, bought and buys it all and thats great and all; but life is too short to sepend it with someone that you know in your heart is not for you...
I found my husband about three years later and I am very happy at first we had nothing!!!! But now we have evrything! and the things we don't have that we want are on our list and someday when we get to them and can afford them we will have them...
If this guy wants children would you have them? Will you be happy with their apperances? You are not happy with his so would this be an issue? Right now you may think it woudln't be but trust me when it really comes down to it, it will be an issue!
If you were not wasting your time on this guy b/c you're too affarid of a few bills you probably would have already found out what love is and would have experienced it b/c it really does exsisit... You're reasons for staying with this guy are not the right ones and not good ones, really you are only using him! You don't know it but you aren't only hurting yourself here.... He has a future and plans as well and you are keeping him from them while you're puttsen' around... So that's my thoughts and advice! Good luck!
2006-09-13 09:06:02 · answer #4 · answered by sophia_of_light 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Staying attracted to each other keeps the spark in a relationship. I absolutely believe in true love. My fiance and I have been seperated for 4 months now, because we live in different countries, but I'll be flying there next week and am so happy. If you would have asked me to describe the looks of my future husband and the way he actually looks like, that's a huge different, but I love him and that's all that counts.
2006-09-13 07:48:56 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont believe there is a such thing as an expert on love. love is something that we are. from what you've said, i dont think you've ever experienced love in a romantic way. i think you probably care for him a great deal but you're staying for all the wrong reasons and limiting your own happiness in the process, not to mention denying him a love that he definitely deserves. actually it's selfish of you to stay with him, preventing him from finding someone who truly can and will love him for himself. physical attraction is secondary, in my opinion. when you love someone you see past the outter and see what's inside. what was initially not all that attractive becomes beautiful because you see their inner shine.
2006-09-13 07:31:55 · answer #6 · answered by Ms. Meli 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is that really fair to him or you? I could not live in a loveless relationship. With love comes so many other things...passion ...understanding...trust.
That is what a relationship is based on. I am truly in love with my boyfriend. I don't think about marriage or money or the dating drama if it doesn't work because we truly love each other.
2006-09-13 07:41:12 · answer #7 · answered by Amy Renee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
True Love! Yes it does exist the thing is some times you don't realize it until it is to late. It really sounds like you are staying with your boyfriend for the stability of it. And this is understandable. But not only is it not fair to him but it isn't fair to you. Both of you deserve to have the chance to find your true love.
2006-09-13 08:40:25 · answer #8 · answered by nikkie_girl_77 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not in love with him .
You are in love with security.
This relationship will fall apart because he will catch on he is being used. One day a woman will Love him ,not for his money ,but for who he is .
I don`t feel love is true except in rare cases ,
We all use each other for something ,whether it be for sex,companionship,security or just to get us away from our families.
The only real love is from your pet ,whether it be a dog or cat .
They are still happy to see you even after a year .lol
2006-09-13 07:47:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I loved a girl for seven years and married the same girl in the 8th year
2006-09-13 07:28:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋