What should I do about receiving unwanted attention because of my interracial relationship?

Question

I have an interracial relationship (I'm black and my boyfriend is Japanese). I love him dearly and we get along great. However, I often get crap from young African-American men about being with him. When we are out in public, random black guys that I don't even know will sometimes say things like "leave that ch*nk and get yourself a real N*gger." I find it completely disrespectful and rude. These guys have no idea what I've been through and they don't how much my boyfriend helps me get through the day. I don't know what I would do without him. They even go as far as trying to "holler" at me in front of him and try to get my number right in his presence. If I had a black boyfriend, I know they would never try to "holler" at me in his presence. I feel horrible and guilty after every one of these occcurances even though I've done nothing wrong. I don't know what I should do because sometimes my boyfriend gets insecure after a situation like this occurs. What, if anything, should I do?

Answer 1

I am a white male and my wife is a Korean women. We often experience a bit of discrimination in the area we live in for our relationship, all though nothing quite as extreme as yo have described. We have had several incidents where we were in line at Subway or at a movie theatre and I went to pay for the both of us and had people assume that we weren't married. Not a great example. All I can suggest is that if anything like that happens again you turn to your man tell him you love him kiss him passionately in front of your antagonist and then tell them, "I want a real man which he is, and which you'll never be,"
Love overcomes hatred, but it is not easy. Good luck.

Answer 2

I think you need to do your best to make your bf feel secure if you really care about him. You have no need to apologize to jerks. There are plenty of black guys over here in Japan takin advantage of the current popularity of black culture, so they have no right to put that on you. If you don't want to go so far as to let them know what you're thinkin, I would at least do my best to ignore it.
I had an experience with a guy trying to pick of a girl I was with. The guy knew me, and he totally disrespected me. Your boyfriend shouldnt have to see that **** for even one minute, and he shouldnt have to be sitting there considering whether or not you will think he's a real man if he doesn't want to throw with these jerks.

And as for joeterrywhatever, you suck!

Answer 3

I'm sorry for wat ur going Thur cuz im in a interracial relationship myself I'm puerto rican n when me n my man r together i hear the stupid comments that some gurls do, even my family at one point did me the same cuz he is black but i put a stop to it i told my fam if they didn't want me to start a ruckus the needed to step bac on the gurls i say u should of treated him like a man not a boy, now i just don't give a damn of wat any one say because this is a b conversation so ya just c ya way out.. ignored ppl will never change keep ur head up

Answer 4

Change the places you frequent.

It seems like you are trying to have your cake and eat it too. Don't hang out in the 'hood with your homies--you are deliberately making your nice boyfriend uncomfortable and soon you will drive him away from you.

What if he insisted on taking you only to traditional Japanese places? You might get a lot of flak (or him) in those places! Find new places to go, meet him outside your neighborhood, move, fer chrissakes!

There is no rule that you have to carry these rude people around with you and attempt to blend them into your life. There are plenty of places to be where they don't go, where they are so uncomfortable because other people don't tolerate their rudeness.

Good luck!

Answer 5

depending on where you happen to be when these guys holler at you, be very blunt with them and say you are not interested. i would just try your best to ignore them and keep on walking when they start talking. sometimes no repsonse from you is the best response you can give. you should also make sure your boyfriend knows that you love and want to be with him. you have to help make him feel more secure. maybe you can try saying that you are happy with and love your man in reply to these ignorant, disrespectful guys. good luck and remember love knows no color and you love whom you love.

Answer 6

I'm a white Aussie girl, my boyfriend is Chinese. We just ignore other people. In fact, we hardly notice it anymore. Its only an issue to you if you let other peoples narrow minds get in the way of your own happiness.

Answer 7

I'm an old gay man, have lived a life of being discriminated against. You'll never like it, but it isn't going to stop; so get used to it and ignore da fools.

Answer 8

both of you learn to ignore because world is full of such scum.as you two feel insecure both of you learn some martial arts not to beat other guys but to give inner calm in the face of such hollering

Answer 9

racism isn't just limited to white people...

there are too many narrowminded bigotted people wanting to "preserve the purity of their race" or some such nonsense...

all i can say is, ignore those ignorant people and enjoy your relationship... if you get the chance, move away from that neighbourhood and see about starting fresh somewhere else...

Answer 10

good grief girl if you are smart and you sound like you have a partial brain, don't listen to the bros and stick with the Jap.... u will be climbing up the social ladder and maybe can siphon some of the Japs money before he takes off... leave all your bros now honey and "you Movin' on up to the sky to a big penthouse in the sky, oohhhhhaaaa" yea... get smart girl get away from those ghetto trash boyz and don't worry what people say... even if Japs supposedly don't measure up in the sack... small price to pay for $$$$ and class standing... you dig???