Love your Husbands best friend?

Question

I have a friend (yes..a real friend) who would never ask this ..so im hoping to get answers and use them on her..
She is married for a long time, her hubbys best friend has been married the same length, they work together and they play together every weekend, they have known each other as couples there whole friendship, lately she says she feels so compelled to the best friend and she feels he might think the same thing, they are both unhappy in there marriages but stay out of loyalty and for kids..she does not have the nerve to ask him how he feels, just assumes it but he does not show her any real signs..she dont want to cause huge rucus if shes wrong and dont know how to find out with out that happening..doesent want to be unhappy any longer

Answer 1

OK BUT THAT DOESNT MEAN THAT U HAVE TO MESS WITH HIM.... U DO NOT REALLY KNOW IF HE IS FEELING U LIKE THAT, AND IF HE IS IT STILL ISNT A GOOD IDEA TO MESS WITH HIM.. FIND SOMEONE ELSE...

Answer 2

she should first think about her relationship. If it were anyone other than her husband's best friend how would she react? She would probably leave her husband to be with number 2 - with considerably less thought than this set of circumstances. In this situation she is more concerned about the repercussions this will have on a web of interconnecting friendships between the 2 couples. One sneaky thing she could consider doing, and this is only do-able if she has never been caught flirting or being over;ly friendly, is to probe her female counterpart subtly - to determine how the relationship is going between best friend and his wife. If their marriage is suffering (from her point of view too) then it is much more likely that he feels the same way. Its a tricky situation - and it is going to become very messy however it is dealt with. There are essentially 4 people involved, not including the children. It is next to impossible that this would be best for you all - so expect fireworks. Be very sure your friend is fully aware of the implications, and that she is sure this is the man she wants to be with no matter what.
good luck to her, i am not envious of her position (or her husbands for that matter) one bit.

Saying that, she must be sure the feelings she has harboured for this best friend are genuine. She obviously has problems in her life - and in her marriage. Therefore she is unsatisfied. It is very easy to confuse comfort from someone, or what appears to be a better relationship (i.e. best friend and current wife) as feelings for another man. He may be calm and quiet - whereas her husband is loud and obnoxious - thereby appearing a more attractive alternative, or indeed the other way around - her husband being quiet and timid and the best friend strong and confident. The issues she has to sort out first are within her own 4 walls. there are kids at stake - and having her run to the person they know is there husbands best friend will irreraparably damage their view of both parents.

Answer 3

She should not only stop fantasizing about her husbands friend but put more energy into rekindling her marriage. If her husbands friend does not feel the same she will ruin all friendships and maybe he'll tell her husband and she'll have that to deal with also. If they do feel the same way what they going to do? Break up marriages live together or have an affair? All this is in its;f going to cause her a ruckus with her husband, the other mans wife and all their kids...this is something called the no go zone so don't go there...

Answer 4

No sense in hurting anyone else either, she may be hurting in her marriage, but that is her decision to get out of that, if this Man is not showing any sign of affection in an intimate way, why is she assuming this. Staying in a marriage for the sake of the kids is debatable, as long as those children know that their parents love them and living is functional, they should be fine. How long is a long time to be married, sounds like the couple are having fun on the weekends...not just with themselves, ask your friend to seek a marriage counselor before she ends up making a fool of herself with a best friend of her husbands, I vote for leaving the best friend out of the picture. If she is unhappy in her marriage, she ought to work on her feelings first.

Answer 5

nothing but trouble all round for this problem,,breaking up friendship and marriages might not seem important when you are living a lie and wishing you were with someone else but in the long run it wont be that simple,,people split up everyday but this other man is her husbands best friend so chances are he wont do anything anyway,not if he cares about his friendship.the weekends will be over for the two couples and the kids will all be confused,before she does anything she should consider the consequences and maybe try harder with the marriage first as she could find herself alone if this 'new' relationship goes sour,,grass is not always greener,it just seems sunnier that side of the road.

Answer 6

She needs to ask herself if she is prepared for the consequences if indeed the guy feels the same. Like the inevitable breakup of both families and the problems that go with that. Then if she is prepared to deal with all of that, the only way to find out is to make the first move. Of course she has to weigh up whether she can cope if the guy rejects her and will it destroy the friendship they already have. A tough one really, but the only one who can decided is the person affected.

Answer 7

if she is unhappy in her marriage, first, she needs to get out, staying for the kids is no way to do it, is the marriage fixable, does she love him still or has ther love grown apart, kids will soon catch on that mom is unhappy and this will lead to them having problems, plus the fighting around the kids isnt good, second, she shouldnt try to start another relationship until the one she is in is resolved, any way you look at shes married still and its cheating - ending a relationship where kids are involved is hard, just try to hurt them the lest way possible

Answer 8

Regardless to whatever...this is a BAD idea. Think of all the hurt that would be manifested if for any reason they would indulge. I suggest she not go there. Show some class and respect for others. Here's a quote for her "Do not do to someone else what you would not want done to you".

Answer 9

i think the reason for her feeling is just her unhappy married life . she is not satisfied from it hence looking around for someone who can lend her a shoulder to cryu on .
and it is absolutely not guarented that even if she make a relation with that man she will be happy . i think rather than looking for someone happy she should concentrate on her life and try to make it happy ...........

Answer 10

So like, what are you asking? Should she say something? Should she not?