My daughter says she is ashamed of me.She is twenty now and in university and lives with girlfriends.I have not been able to work as I went for a deep dive after my divorce and became a person with cronic depression and anxiety.So much so i now volunteer in that field.Since my daughter made new boyfriend she does not answer her phone for me or anyone else except maybe her friends I am only guessing on the friends part.I have managed to work temporarily and some seasonal work, but very little over the years.I rarely helped out with support and even today find it hard just getting by. I am more optimistic now though in finding work for some reason, maybe I am finally healing. Or maybe I realize my daughter now has two part-time jobs and is in University on a scholarship.Anyway her mother always had a good job and supported her all this time up until a few years ago and then moved away.I alway am nice to my daughter and never comment negatively about her mother.Please help,depressed!!!
2006-09-12 18:48:23 · 11 answers · asked by v3ry_funny 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
if she doesn't want anything to do with you I don't think you'll change her mind
2006-09-12 18:50:52 · answer #1 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing pleasant having a depressed parent, not to be harsh. It takes a very long time for children to realize that they're parents extend farther than just being a Mom and a Dad. After the divorce did you talk to her about it? Or being depressed? Maybe this has pushed her away. Just send her thoughtful cards once and a while, and include a open invitation for something fun, Invite her and her boyfriend....But don't nag her. The holidays are coming up, She will need you!!! Just be strong. You have to be available for her at the time when she needs you, and she eventually will. I can't imagine how that must feel... Just try to stay strong, and have faith... Now that the holidays are coming it is a good chance to mend any thing, and show her how much healing you've done.. Make sure if she does come with her boyfriend, you get along with him, because if not you won't see her..
2006-09-13 02:04:43 · answer #2 · answered by Tina 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wonder why u want to get close to her now after 16 yrs.
r u asking her for some money. Her heart is broke completely.
May be she is seeing a reflection of a little father in her boyfriend.
From the way u wrote I derive that her mother divorced u for no reason of urs. She would have talked ill of u to the daughter.
Such things do happen when u opted for a divorce. U should have been a good,affectionate husband long back. these things would not have happened. Now it is too late. Just relax. distract ur attention of something good.
2006-09-13 02:55:07 · answer #3 · answered by ketav 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
comming from the same situation as your daughter, i really feel that she has made her mind up. I know this doesn't really help you but maybe you should just not get your hopes up, in time if she feels she can forgive you, maybe she will come around. other than that bothering her is only gonna get on her nerves and make you depressed, she loves her mother because her mother raised her and cared for her and was there for the good and bad times. Just tell her you want to be part of her life and you hope someday she'll forgive you for being what she feels you were,
2006-09-13 02:01:09 · answer #4 · answered by Miss 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to write her a letter and explain why you were not there when she was a child. She maybe feeling like you rejected her and now that you are trying to get to know her she is going to reject you before she gets hurt again. All you can do is let her know the situation and tell her if she ever wants to talk or ask questions you will be there for her. Reestablishing a relationship as father and daughter may not ever happen but you can try for a friendship.
2006-09-13 01:56:49 · answer #5 · answered by jagbeeton 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My father was like you seem to be. Don't try to make her love you. One day she may understand how hard it has been for you, but she is young and right now she just wants time and space away from the sadness and negativity she feels from you.
She is probably feeling guilty about not wanting to speak with you anyway. Just leave her alone and if you speak or write with her, only ever tell her positive things about your life - never mention anything negative to her. She's had enough of that already.
Leave her be. She seems to be doing wonderfully by herself. Just let her know occasionally - write a letter once every few months - that you are very proud of her and that your life is also going well. Don't make her feel guilty for not wanting to talk to you. She does love you, probably, but leave her be.
2006-09-13 03:14:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Far be it from me to give advice on this situation because I am not a parent, but I can give you my suggestions. I have a friend that is going through the same ordeal you are. My advice to you will be the same as I gave him. To prove to your child you want to be in her life you have to start out in small steps, kinda like in A.A. lol. Call her every chance you get, when the answering machine picks up don't hang up, leave a kind message everytime. If she does decide to answer one day don't ask why she hasn't answered her phone and don't ask why she hasn't called back. the most inportant question you can ask her would be "How have you been doing". Everytime you call make sure to ask her that and don't forget to hell her to take care. Try not to metion the mother and if she does get brought up , and she will, just ask how she is doing. Don' reply negatively when your child answers you just sound enthused if the situation calls for it. Soon after the phone calls proceed more and more begin to invite her and her boyfriend out to eat or over to your house for dinner one night. If you don't necissatily get along with the boyfriend , wich I imagine you don't, thats one thing you will have to put up with. Invite him as well, speak with him as if he is an aquantence, askhim about his line of work then relate yourself to the topic, but not as if you are better then he is. If you get to the point when you have dinner with your child make sure to greet them at the door personally and give your duaghter a hug and shake her boyfriend's hand and invite them in. All of this should end in a good night and the second start of a beautiful relationship, OH YEAH, if you are dating again please leave her out of the discussion, and if she lives with you ask her before your duaghter comes over to be polite and respectful, if she loves you she will adheed to your wishes. I hope I have helped with your problem if you have any futher questions pleas IM me or e-mail me at capone_313@yahoo.com
2006-09-13 02:10:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion, 16 years is a LONG time. Maybe she wonders why she isnt able to make you happy? Why can't you see that she should be your "light" instead of focusing on the past. Take time and ask what is wrong, communication is key is a situation like this. The more time it takes to talk to her about it the further away she will grow.
2006-09-13 01:57:10 · answer #8 · answered by Kim 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just admitted you were a deadbeat dad--your daughter is disappointed and ashamed of you. I don't understand what's so hard for you to figure out. She wouldn't have to work so hard to put herself through college had you done your job and been there. Too little too late. Make a new family and start over.
2006-09-13 01:52:47 · answer #9 · answered by surfinthedesert 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She rejects you because you weren't there when she was younger. That's life. I suggest you move on with your life as she obviously has with her's and leave her alone...maybe someday she will come around...maybe she won't. You can't force her to want to have anything to do with you.
2006-09-13 01:50:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to appologise for your previous lack of attention to her. she may need therapy.
2006-09-13 01:51:20 · answer #11 · answered by Toxickries 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋