Husband left tonight...I need advice please help? Please read details..?

Question

I have asked many questions before..I am lost..My husband came home and was almost bed time for our son he went to settle him in and I walked by his cell phone..I normally don't check on him or spy on him..But I took a peek and he had a new message at 9:30 and I knew I hadn't left any..It was the other woman!! I got the number just before he came in I memorized it by chance and left her a message with MY cell number and calmly explained who I was and she had best call me back! Well he threw the phone and ranted what was i doing? Me what in god's name was he doing? Well he says now he doesn't know what he wants. he did this once before and we came back together after a year apart and some mental help on my part.(I had a nervous breakdown.) I feel as though I am headed there again. I don't know what to do..I am a fulltime student with no income on my own with 2 boys 1 and 2 years old to take care of..Yes he will have to pay but doesn't make much as it is...Please help anyone someone!

I feel not good enough, abandoned and lonely. I don't know what to do?

Answer 1

That's awful - I'm sorry for you.

But, once a cheater, always a cheater. By doing what he's doing he obviously doesn't value you or your relationship. When a man says "I don't know what I want" it usually means he's too chicken **** to leave or he wants the best of both worlds.

No one can tell you what to do. Only you know your relationship. Everything always works out- no matter how insane that seems right now. hang in there - it'll be ok, one way or another.

Answer 2

This is very hard sorry. You should had not done that. You could had written the number down, then called it later, to see who it was. Sounds like you don't trust him. Guess it was a bad break-up before.. It is good you are going to school. It would be harder for just you being alone with you kids. But if he is seeing some one else , now you have confronted him about it, and he admitts it, you are going to have to take more steps. You are at a state wear he can get your kids, so you better pull your self together. for there sake. You might have to quite school for a while and find a job to help support your self and the little ones. Like in a day -care then you can have your kids there with you. Tell him to leave if he is not happy, best for all of you. That would give him some time to think also, what he really wants. I hope things work out one way or the other Good luck Pem

Answer 3

First of all I am sorry that all of this happened. When he did this once before, did he end up cheating on you, or was it that he didn't know what he wanted and just left. If this other woman calls you back, I would ask her as many questions as possible (where did you meet my husband, how do you know him, why are you calling him on his phone, etc.). If you can find out the truth through this other women, then you will have your answer. As for your husband, I would question why other women are calling him on his cell phone (try not to begin yelling or screaming, because that could cause more problems). Ask him why he did get back together with you after a year of separation, maybe he thought it would be good, but turns out that he would rather be "single" again. Try and sit down with him to discuss this and ask if there is a way to work things out. Good luck and I wish you all the best.

Answer 4

Give mom and dad a call, explain the situation and then move back home with the kids until you can figure things out. Honey, if this happened before this guy is going to do it again and again and again. Are you emotionally ready to handle that? Based on what happened last time, I don't think so. I know you may think you are doing the right thing in trying to keep your family together, but at what point does enough become enough for you? Do you always want to be second best? Do you want to share your husband with someone else? Cmon' honey, you are smarter than this. It's not the end of the world if this didn't work out. You didn't sign up for this and his extra curricular activities were left out of the wedding vows. These things happen and life goes on. You'll find someone else who loves you and appreciates you the way you deserve to be. But you'll never find that guy until you are ready to let go of the one who keeps hurting you. I wish you well honey.

Answer 5

Obviously this is not a good healthy relationship, and it is inevitable that it must end; after all he has done this to you before.We treat people how to treat us, don't allow him to do this to you again. Cheating is a symptom, it is never the problem, so obviously he is looking for someone or something to fill the void in your relationship. Because you have been down this road before, you know that you must move on and take care of yourself and your children. Do whatever it takes to do what's best for you and your babies. Stay with family, or a good friend for a while if possible, this will give you a chance to save until you can find a place of your own. You'll need help with daycare, so you can find a job that will support yourself and the kids. Remember, take one step at a time....Right now this all seems over-whelming, but it doesn't have to be. Just take one step at a time...take care of you.

Answer 6

First of all, I wish you the best of luck in this situation. I actually think you're getting some good advice on here. Your main concern should be your children. The relationship doesn't seem too healthy (well now anyway) and an unhealthy relationship definitely has a toll on the kids. Talk to your husband, see what is up. Do this when you're both rational. He's having an affair, but you want to keep things calm as your children are young. If you have family or friends to turn to, see if you can stay w/them until you get this figured out. Leaving him seems like the right thing to do. Don't waste your life on a man who won't respect you or his children. Good luck and plz keep your head up! :)

Answer 7

I think you're between a rock and a hard place as the saying goes. You're a full time student w/o income and 2 children. Has he said exactly what this woman is to him as it's obvious you feel he has been unfaithful. Do you have anyone at all in your family that can help you out? There is really no point to keep going on with your relationship if he is cheating on you and has done it in the past. Life is way too short for you to be down and depressed to the point of nervous breakdown. Take your life back you don't need a man to make you complete. In time you will meet someone who will want you exactly as you are.

Answer 8

Hunny, u can do Bad all by yourself.....it's a struggle I know. I became a single parent at the age of 20, went to college full time, on the bus, (a 3 hour commute both ways), and with the help of real friends, and the little family that was here, I was able to make it on my own and graduate with a BS and w/ an Academic Excellence Award after pulling myself out of Academic Warning (1.7 GPA)......

You're a tough chick, I can tell. Do u really think it's worth your sanity, your future career, and your children's happiness, just to deal with a cheating jerk that can't appreciate u????

Life is hard, and at this point and time in the game you have to choices: 1. To leave and struggle, but prevail as long as you maintain your strength, health, and faith in yourself OR 2. stay, risk him leaving you anyway, fighting with chicks all the time, being unhappy all the time, and probably catching some STD???

It's all up to you, do what's best for you and the kids.....Good luck to you.

Answer 9

You mentioned in an earlier question that your husband will not go to counselling.
I suggest that you approach him once again, and tell him that you are going to make an appointment to see a counsellor, and that you want him to go with you.
Tell him that unless he is prepared to work with you in attempting to resolve the problems with the marriage, you will be left with no option other than to commence divorce proceedings.
You mentioned in the previous question that he doesn’t ever want to have sex with you, so you shouldn’t have any problem with being granted a divorce on the grounds of ‘irreconcilable differences’… not that having grounds for a divorce is necessary these days.

I appreciate that you may perhaps not want to be divorced from your husband, but the fact remains that he has and will continue to cheat on you and your children, and unless you put an end to it, he will continue to use you until such time that he finds someone to replace you.

By refusing to go to counselling, he is proving that he has no interest in saving your marriage, and is not concerned for the welfare of his children.

Do you have any relatives who you can stay with?
You don’t have to deal with things on your own. There are a number of Community Organisations that can help you. Find out what is available in your area, and ask for help. Possible suggestions are The Smith Family; The Salvation Army; St Vincent de Paul Society; Barnardos; or any Organisations that can assist you with emergency accommodation and caring for your children.

I wish you well !!!

Answer 10

The most beautiful thing about us women is how resilient we are! You do not need a man to survive, especially not someone who would take advantage of you this way. I know I have heard only one side of the story, but it seems to me that he was only looking for an excuse to get out of it and you gave him that excuse by calling the other woman.
You need to be strong, mentally and emotionally. Do not let him feel like you need him to help you go on. You can do this by yourself and your children can be your inspiration. You will hit a few bumps along the way, but these are just learning curves. The man who walked out on you last night was one such bump. You have to now look beyond that and focus on the future. Do not focus on the fact that he left you. Instead, take all that emotion and whatever you feel inside and use it to complete your education, get a good job and make yourself a better person than you ever imagined you could be. Your children will be proud to have a mother like you!