How Can I Stop Being So Homophobic?

Question

It is really making me miserable!
:'-(

Whenever I am with friends or family I say really horrible things about gays. But Whenever I am alone I feel horrible about what I said, and get REALLY depressed and sometimes I end up crying because I am so depressed...

Answer 1

Thank you for being thoughtful about this *hug.*

You are homophobic because you have been taught to be -- probably by.... family and friends.

Ultimately you are in charge of yourself, though you are a teenager and it may feel right now that if you do anything that others don't approve of, you will just burst apart.

Inside you know that you do not believe in what you are saying. You may or may not have any feelings for other males yourself, but you certainly do not actually hate people who do. Saying things you don't mean, which you do reflectively confuses you at some level and leaves you feeling like you aren't even in control of yourself, I imagine. Then you feel badly because you may have hurt someone.

I suggest that to start you find a gay friend, and tell him what you told us. Tell him you don't mean it and that you don't dislike gay people, but that you are afraid of alienating the people like your family who do.

Then KEEP being his friend. Over time, caring about him will help you get the strength to openly reject the homophobia of others, which through passive projection you are taking on yourself.

*hug*

And for goodness sake, love yourself. You are worth it.

If you need to talk, email me directly at the address given in my signature block. I would be honored to talk to you and listen to what is going on.

Kindest thoughts,

Reynolds
[e-mail]
Justice Service Albany: http://www.rebuff.org/justice/

Answer 2

Hello!! :o) Based on what you said - I don't think you're homophobic. I just think you got into the habit of saying negative things about gay people. Perhaps your friends and family do the same thing. Some families say negative things about black people or white people or Christians or whatever. It's just as ugly no matter who the target is. And It's a vicious cycle that's difficult to stop. But you're going to have to at least try. Making negative comments about a group of people doesn't reflect upon those people and their character. It reflects upon you and YOUR character. So for YOUR sake - do your best to bite your tongue and refrain from attacking others. But be prepared to be attacked [emotionally] BY your family and friends. Whenever someone decides to 'jump ship' and STOPS following the crowd - the crowd often responds negatively. And they do so [more often than not] because NOW THEY are going to have to consider [and examine] their OWN behavior. [And people don't like to do that] So like I said.... be strong. Eventually - the 'new you' will be accepted for who you are. Take care of yourself. Craig!! :o)

Answer 3

First you have to find out why you say the things you say, Do you dislike Gay people? I don't think you do just by what you say but look you need to stop bringing up the brick wall when Gay people are around, some people put that wall up because when they was growing up they we're taught that Gay is bad and so on and so on and it's programed into you. Come too a conclusion that you will not hate no more no matter how you feel, try to think of how you will hurt that person's feelings if you say something or how you will feel after...............


Good Luck :)

Answer 4

It seems like you may not be really sure about the way you feel towards gay people and are, maybe over reacting.
If it makes you feel bad and depresses you when you say these things, maybe you just need to educate yourself on the subject a little more. That way you'll be more confident of your feelings.
It's not right to hate homosexuals but homosexuality is not right either. It's a dichotomy and easy to get your feelings mixed up.
It's good to be able to live in peace with your fellows and whatever you can do to accomplish that is worth the trouble.

Answer 5

You need to get really close to a gay guy that isn't attracted to you. You will form a bond that is comfortable for you and you will get to know a gay person in a personable way without being 'worried' about whether he likes you or not. Even if he did, who cares, just take it as a compliment and say 'no thanks'.

You need to experience a bit more in your life, maybe even go out to a gay bar - you might have fun. If you are straight you know you are straight so don't question yourself but enjoy the diversity of being close to all kinds of people.

Answer 6

This shows that you are really a good person and just frightened of what you do not know. Gay people are ususally born that way. Would you make fun of a down's person, or an invalid?? At the end of the day what each person does in his/her bedroom in their business and not yours.

Gay people are extremely nice and kind. They are considerate and sensitive, have a great sense of humour. That amke very loyal friens. Try meeting some and make friends and you will see.

Answer 7

If you cannot control your mouth as an attention seeking device, drawing attention to your ignorance, who can? Somehow, I suspect you think this talk makes YOU look better, perhaps more masculine??? Well, make no mistake about it, it makes you look small and ignorant. IF that is the picture you wish to paint of yourself, then be my guest...you hurt no one but yourself. But I strongly suspect more is going on here than you are telling! Perhaps you have been putting on a big-man show to do a bit of covering up? IF so, can you imagine the hole you are digging for yourself? This kind of talk indicates an abnormal hate, very often of one's self...not such a good idea. IF you cannot accept that perhaps you are gay, how in the world do you expect others to accept you as a complete person? Think it over before you go any further with this stupidity. Good luck on your road to self discovery.

Answer 8

Basically what it comes down to is you're afraid that your family and friends will think that you're gay. Tackle that problem and the homophobic comments will stop. Why do you fear your family and friends thinking you're gay? If you are gay, there are allot of groups on-line that you can visit to help you cope with your negative feelings about it. If not, then it can still help you to visit those sites, so that you will feel more comfortable about gay issues so that you can realize that even if they do think you're gay, there's nothing wrong with that. A great place to start is http://www.pflag.org/ PFLAG, parents, family, and friends of Lesbians, and Gays.

Answer 9

When I'm not satisfied with how I'm making harmony between what I believe/want with how I speak/act, I seek counseling. A family therapist, on a temporary basis, can give you feedback on your thought processes, and insight as to why you act (or refrain from acting) in the manner you do. Self-enlightenment is pursued via many avenues. Keep at it 'till you discover what aids your personal development and progress. Best luck.

Answer 10

Is your family homophobic and you are trying to fit in? If this is the case, you should be discouraging them when they say something and not adding to the nonsense. But don't plan on changing them overnight.

The best way to get over something like this is to get to know someone who is gay. Find a person you can be comfortable with and you will get over it immediately.