Please discuss this complex topic of Abuse in relationships?

Question

There are other kinds of abuse other than the standard physical abuse of beating someone that are more subtle. Can someone please explain these to me?

Thank you. I think this is very important. I do not think people are aware of this. It is not fun to think about, but it is important.

Answer 1

Emotional/psychological abuse, sexual abuse (within an adult relationship), verbal abuse all damage people.

Emotional/psychological is when someone uses mind games to make you feel as if you are going crazy, in fact it is called "crazy making behavior".

Sexual abuse can be a male raping his partner, withholding sex, rough sex, etc.

Verbal abuse can be screaming and yelling but more damaging is the person that uses words to demean, belittle and lie. I suggest you see the book by Pat Evans, The Verbally Abusive Relationship, which covers verbal, emotional and psychological abuse.

Answer 2

Yes, what I did to my wife. I didn't do it consciously, I abused her by neglecting her and not addressing her feeling and not making love to her as often as I should have, not telling her that I love her, not helping with household chores as I should have. Watching TV when I should have spent time with her. Not telling that she looked good today, not giving her a hug when she needed it after a bad day at work. Spending too much money on things that made me happy when she really didn't care about what i bought. Those are examples of spousal abuse. Now I am alone, grieving the loss of my best friend, she left me a week ago while I was at work. I was so wrong and if she ever finds it in her heart to forgive me after 12+ years of being an uncaring husband I surely know how I will treat her for the rest of our lives. Respect and love, more love than she has ever known. I miss her and now I am the one in so much pain.

Answer 3

childrens 5 twelve months olds at the instant are not too small to lead them to attentive to this. I actually have a 5 twelve months previous who already does not like us parents kissing him on the cheek! They watch maximum of issues on television and such that they seem to be a lot smarter than you think of. So do exactly no longer use huge words like abuse and such. tell them a number of their physique areas are inner maximum and no person else is authorized to the touch them. compliment them via saying that, "you childrens all are already potty experienced and massive sufficient to bathe/take bathe/gown themselves and there is not any reason for every person to the touch your inner maximum physique areas" As some others advised tell them approximately sturdy touch ( a hug, handshake) and undesirable touch. And tell them if somebody touches their inner maximum place they might desire to tell their parents or somebody they have confidence. And no stranger probability isn't sufficient, maximum little ones are molested via human beings they be attentive to.. kinfolk acquaintances/ relative/ associates and so on. now and back childrens can furnish fake alarms , its upto the parents to maintain a watch fixed and are available to a determination if there is something incorrect or no longer ( i desire the parents are reported what you will communicate over with the youngsters!) . yet its worth letting the youngsters be attentive to than taking a danger of spoiling their existence!

Answer 4

Emotional abuse,
Physical Abuse
Sexual Abuse
Emotional/Psychological Abuse
Financial Explotation/Theft Abuse
Neglect/Self Neglect Abuse


Physical: slapping, pushing, hitting, kicking, biting, etc.

Emotional: name-calling, putting down, insults, etc.

Sexual: being forced into sexual contact

Threats: "If you...I'll kill you!"

Intimidation: gestures, looks, smashing things

Isolation: being kept from seeing or talking to others, not allowed to go out.

Economic: being given an allowance, not allowed to have a job, etc.

Physical Abuse
Threats
Sexual Abuse
Marital Rape
Emotional/Psychological Abuse
Isolation
Verbal Abuse
Financial Abuse
Physical Abuse

Physical assault is the most obvious form of Domestic Violence, the most visible, and also the most lethal. Assaults often start small, maybe a small shove during an argument, or forcefully grabbing your wrist, but over time, physical abuse (or battering) usually becomes more severe, and more frequent, and can result in the death of the victim.

Physical abuse is any act of violence on the victim, and can include the following:
slapping,
kicking,
shoving,
choking,
pinching,
forced feeding,
pulling hair,
punching,
throwing things,
burning,
beating,
use of weapons (gun, knives, or any object)
physical restraint - pinning against wall, floor, bed, etc.
reckless driving, etc.
Basically any behaviour which hurts or physically harms, or is intended to do so.


Threats

Where threats are made within an violent relationship they can be as debilitating as the violence itself. A victim who has already suffered being battered need not imagine the result of displeasing the abuser, or doubt the abuser's ability to carry out the threats. Even where the victim has not been physically assaulted, the abuser will often demonstrate his ability to harm her by punching walls or furniture, kicking the cat/dog, or using aggressive behaviour.

However, many threats are not physical but part of the ongoing emotional abuse. The abuser may threaten to 'disappear' with the children, report his partner to Social Services as an unfit mother, harm a significant third party (e.g. family member), refuse housekeeping, leave or commit suicide. Whether the threats are of a physical, sexual or emotional nature, they are all designed to further control the victim by instilling fear and ensuring compliance. The abuser becomes not only the source of pain and abuse, but also the protector, as he is also the person who can prevent the threatened action, increasing the victim's dependence on him.

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Sexual Abuse

Sexual abuse can be defined as any sexual encounter without consent and includes any unwanted touching, forced sexual activity, be it oral, anal or vaginal, forcing the victim to perform sexual acts, painful or degrading acts during intercourse (e.g.. urinating on victim), and exploitation through photography or prostitution.

The abuser my use violence to rape his partner (this is most common where physical violence is also current) or he may use only enough force to control his partner's movements (known as 'force-only rape'). Coercion or manipulation in the form of threats, emotional or psychological abuse may also be used, leaving the victim to submit to unwanted sexual acts out of fear or guilt. The abuser may, for instance, imply that should she not submit, he will hit her, leave her and find 'another woman', withdraw the housekeeping, or punish her in some other way. Or the abuser may insist on sex following a physical attack for the victim to 'prove' she has forgiven him. Whatever form of coercion is used, be it physical, financial or emotional, any sexual act which is not based on mutual consent constitutes sexual abuse.

Sexual Abuse can involve any of the following:
excessive jealousy
calling you sexually derogatory names
criticising you sexually
forcing unwanted sexual act
forcing you to strip
sadistic sexual acts
withholding sex and/or affection
minimising or denying your feelings about sex or sexual preferences
forcing sex after physical assault
using coercion to force sex
taking unwanted sexual photos
forcing you into prostitution
forcing sex when you are ill or tired

Marital Rape

When sexual abuse occurs within marriage, the victim will often feel very confused as to whether or not she has been 'raped'. It seems obvious to all (general public, law enforcement agencies, religious leaders, etc.) that when a woman (or man) is raped out on the street by a stranger, that rape has occurred and is wrong. When rape occurs within the marriage, neither abuser nor victim may consider it legal rape. This is partially due to the general acceptance of the Christian tradition within our culture which tells us that it is the wife's duty to fulfil her husband's sexual demands. Many women (both religious and non-religious) don't believe they have the right to refuse sex, that 'sex on demand' is an unwritten part of the marriage contract. When they have been raped by their husband, they are inclined to take responsibility for the abuse, furthering the feelings of guilt and lack of self-worth. This blame-taking is further increased by the abuser's justifications, e.g. 'it is your fault for saying no ...'. When no actual physical violence was used (i.e. coercion or force-only ) many men will deny that rape has actually occurred and treat the abuse as though it was normal and by joint consent. This has the effect of further confusing the victim as to the reality of her experience.

Marriage, however, is a contract based on mutual love, respect and consideration. Each party has a right to their own body, and while consideration for each person's sexual needs is normal, forced sexual acts are not an expression of love, but a purposeful betrayal of the respect and trust which form a solid marriage. (Please check out the Article on Marital Rape for more on this topic).

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Emotional/Psychological Abuse

Many forms of abuse are obviously cruel. Emotional abuse is more subtle. Quite often such abuse goes unseen, as even the victim does not recognize that she is being abused. Although emotional abuse does not leave black eyes or visible bruises, it is often more seriously damaging to your self-esteem. Emotional abuse is cruel and scars your soul. Physical or sexual abuse is always accompanied and often follows emotional abuse, i.e. emotional battering is used to wear the victim down - often over a long period of time - to undermine her self-concept until she is willing to take responsibility for her abuser's actions and behaviour towards her or simply accept it.

There are many categories of emotional/psychological abuse. They encompass a variety of behaviors that will be easily recognisable by those experiencing them, and often remain completely unnoticed by others.

They include:


Isolation

The abuser will control whom the victim sees, where she goes, whom she speaks to and what she does. This can take the form of simply not allowing her to use the phone, have her friends round or visit her family, or ensuring it simply isn't worth it by being in a bad mood because she left some housework undone, making her feel guilty that she was out enjoying herself while he worked, or even encouraging her - theoretically - to make friends, and then discounting them or complaining that she cares more for her friends/family/hobby than she does him or is neglecting him. Some abusers may move home frequently to prevent their victim from building a social support network.

Many abusers justify their control over their victim by stating that it is proof of their love, or that they worry about their safety when out, etc. In reality however, the abuser needs to isolate his victim to feel secure themselves, they feel as though any relationship, be it family, friend or colleague, will undermine their authority over and take their partner away from them, i.e. poses a threat. The effect of this isolation is that the victim feels very alone in her struggle, doesn't have anyone with whom to do a 'reality check', and is ultimately more dependant on the abuser for all her social needs.

Forms of Isolation include:

checking up on you
accusing you of unfaithfulness
moving to an isolated area
ensuring you lack transport or a telephone
making your friends or family feel uncomfortable when visiting so that they cease
punishing you for being 10 minutes late home from work by complaining, bad moods, criticism or physical abuse
not allowing you to leave the house on your own
demanding a report on your actions and conversations
preventing you from working
not allowing any activity which excludes him
finding fault with your friends/family
insisting on taking you to and collecting you from work
In extreme cases the victim may be reduced to episodes of literally becoming a prisoner, being locked in a room and denied basic necessities, such as warmth, food, toilet or washing facilities.


Verbal Abuse

When thinking of Verbal Abuse we tend to envisage the abuser hurling insulting names at the victim, and while this obviously does happen, there are many more forms than name-calling. The abuser may use critical, insulting or humiliating remarks (e.g. you've got a mind like ditchwater; you're stupid; etc.), he may withhold conversation and refuse to discuss issues, or he may keep you up all night insisting on talking when you need sleep. Verbal abuse undermines your sense of worth, your self-concept (i.e. who you think you are) by discounting your ideals, opinions or beliefs.

Verbal abuse can include:
yelling or shouting at you
making threats
insulting you or your family
being sarcastic about or criticising your interests, opinions or beliefs
humiliating you either in private or in company
sneering, growling, name-calling
withholding approval, appreciation, or conversation
refusing to discuss issues which are important to you
laughing or making fun of you inappropriately
leaving nasty messages
accusing you of unfaithfulness, not trying hard enough or purposely doing something to annoy
blaming you for his failures or other forms of abuse

All of these abusive behaviors prohibit normal, healthy interaction between two adults as well as a lack of respect for individual thoughts, feelings, and opinions. A healthy, mutual interaction and conversation between two persons respects and promotes the right of each partner to their own individual thoughts, perceptions and values.

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Financial Abuse

Financial abuse can take many forms, from denying you all access to funds, to making you solely responsible for all finances while handling money irresponsibly himself. Money becomes a tool by which the abuser can further control the victim, ensuring either her financial dependence on him, or shifting the responsibility of keeping a roof over the family's head onto the victim while simultaneously denying your ability to do so or obstructing you.

Financial abuse can include the following:
preventing you from getting or keeping a job
denying you sufficient housekeeping
having to account for every penny spent
denying access to cheque book/account/finances
putting all bills in your name
demanding your paychecks
spending money allocated to bills/groceries on himself
forcing you to beg or commit crimes for money
spending Child Benefit on himself
not permitting you to spend available funds on yourself or children




Physical Abuse

Physical Abuse occurs anytime physical force is use against another person for the purposes other than self defense, and results in, or may result in, bodily injury, pain or impairment. The injury may be major or minor in nature and may even result in death. Examples of Physical abuse include;

hitting, kicking, biting, burning and the use of weapons against another.

Other examples may include the forced feeding of an elder person or the use of restraints.

Physical Abuse is characterized by black eyes and bruising as well as any unexplained injuries that do not appear to be the result of an accident. Other indicators may be lacerations, rope marks, broken bones and fractures. Some injuries may not be as evident. These may include internal bleeding and high levels of prescribed medications or illegal drugs.


Sexual Abuse

Sexual abuse is non consensual sexual contact of any kind with a person. Sexual contact with any person incapable of giving consent is also considered sexual abuse. It includes but is not limited to unwanted touching, all types of sexual assault or battery, such as rape, sodomy, coerced nudity, and sexually explicit photographing.

Indication of sexual abuse can include bruises around the breasts or genital area; unexplained venereal disease or genital infections; unexplained vaginal or anal bleeding; torn, stained, or bloody underclothing


Emotional or Psychological Abuse

Emotional Abuse is more difficult to identify that other types of abuse. Emotional or psychological abuse is defined as the infliction of anguish, pain, or distress through verbal or nonverbal acts. Emotional/psychological abuse includes but is not limited to verbal assaults, insults, threats, intimidation, humiliation, and harassment. In addition, treating an older person like an infant; isolating an elderly person from his/her family, friends, or regular activities; giving an older person the "silent treatment;" and enforced social isolation are examples of emotional/psychological abuse.

Changes in behavior are sometimes the result of emotional abuse. Other signs might include regressive behaviors such as frequent urination or biting or throwing objects at others.


Neglect

Neglect occurs when a caregiver, someone who is responsible for the needs of the elder person, fails or refuses to complete that responsibility. These responsibilities may include, but are not limited to, feeding and bathing, providing shelter and transportation, providing or arranging for medical care, paying bills and shopping for necessities. Abandonment of an elder is also a form of neglect.

Neglect may show itself in the form of malnutrition, untreated bed sores, and poor personal hygiene; hazardous or unsafe living condition/arrangements (e.g., improper wiring, no heat, or no running water).


Financial or Material Exploitation

When a caregiver or other person illegally or fraudulently takes money or personal property from an elder, it may be considered abuse. Examples include but are not limited to cashing an elderly person's checks without authorization/permission; forging an older person's signature; misusing or stealing an older person's money or possessions; coercing or deceiving an older person into signing any document (e.g., contracts or will); and the improper use of conservatorship, guardianship, or power of attorney.

Signs of financial exploitation may include the withdrawing of large sums of cash or an increase in withdrawal frequency. An increased appearance of the caregiver accompanying the elder to the bank. The elder giving joint access to accounts or ATM cards. Other signs might include unexplained or unusual changes in wills or Power of Attorney papers as well as apparently forged signatures on documents.


Self-neglect

Although Self -Neglect is not to truly considered a form of Elder Abuse, social service and law enforcement agencies are interested in occurrence. Self Neglect is characterized by behavior of an elderly person that threatens his/her own health or safety. Self-neglect generally manifests itself in an older person as a refusal or failure to provide himself/herself with adequate food, water, clothing, shelter, personal hygiene, medication (when indicated), and safety precautions.

Indication of Self-Neglect are similar to those of Caregiver -Neglect but differ in the respect that the victim does not have a caregiver responsible for assistance. The victim may, however, suffer from mental or physical limitation that prevents the elder for fully comprehending the severity of the situation.